Cgl Over Distance.

[Guest Prat]

Long distance relationships are the most common form of relationships on this forum. Here is some advice on how to hopefully make it a good experience.

 

A caregivers responisibilities to his little are the same as in any other Cgl relationship. The little is a precious and sensitive person. When in little space, they are as vilerable and as innocent as a child so they should be treated as such even though if they get "playful"

A caregiver should never manipulate, abandon or bully their litte. Doing something like telling them they aren't good enough will get them very down. You have to support, love and cherish them and if you can't do that then you aren't suitable for a caregiving role.

A caregiver should make sure their little is doing the most basic things. Think about it, a child wouldn't be able to look after themselves well, so neither can a little when they're in little space to an extent. This can be checking if they're eating healthy, brushing teeth, getting fresh air, etc. A caregiver of a little with any mental illness should be even more aware of their little's moods and routines. You need to make sure they are stable and coping well.

All in all, a caregiver has to be just that - caring. It is their main role in a cgl dynamic and it must be upheld.

 

Caring over distance: Here are some ideas on how to show your little you care for her over distance:

• Send them cute texts, pictures, videos.
• Set up rules and a routine.
• Send them some colouring pages for them to colour in.
• Skype more regularly.
• Check in a lot.
• Listen to your little and act accordingly.
• Give them extra contact when they are sickly.

Now, caring also entails doing what's best for your little and bettering them so make sure you punish them when they are naughty.

 

Setting up rules and routines is one of the most important things in a Cgl relationship!

Best way to set those up is to discuss them together and come to a mutual agreement. A rule is there to ensure that the little is healthy, happy, safe, relaxed, comfortable. Routine is there to give the little motion, stability. Together they form a Structure which when in place allows for the dynamic to flourish!

 

Examples of rules for LDR:

• Show caregiver their outfit for approval.
• Never talk down to themselves.
• Check in with their Caregiver regularly.
• Never self harm.
• Never be rude or talk back to their Caregiver.
• No potty mouth.
• Must have at least 3 helthy meals a day.
• Bedtime.
• Never hide anything from your Caregiver or lie.
• Good girls have good manners.
• No cheating out of punishments.
• Keep room tidy.
• Good hygiene.
• No sexy stuff without permission.

​Here is an example of a good routine:

• Wake up time - Can't be lying in bed all day, need to get up and ready for the day!
• Morning hygiene - Brush teeth, wash yourself.
• Getting dressed - Littles like to be dressed up, pick out their outfits in advance.
• Breakfast - Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
• Chores - Business before pleasure.
• Snack time - Yummy and vital for good energy through the day.
• Play time - Skype, Movies, Cartoons, Colouring, etc.
• Lunch - Lunch is the meal with the most vegetables.
• Nap time - All that playtime is tiring...
• Exercise - Go out to get some fresh air, Do some yoga, Stretch, etc.
• More play time - The little is rested now so back to pleasure.
• Bath time - Gotta get ready for bed.
• Dinner - Can't go to bed hungry.
• Bedtime - Bedtime story if they've been a good little  , sleep well, shine tomorrow again.

Littlespace is the headspace someone goes into in which they feel a child like state. They will feel younger than their actual age in this headspace and they will display childish traits.

 

Littles are people too. Sometimes they don't feel like going little at all, sometimes they can't stop themselves and sometimes they need a little nudge to get into the headspace.

Here are some examples on how a Caregiver can get the little into littlespace over distance.

• Baby them - Use diminutive terms (choo choo instead of train..)
• Refer to yourself in third person as Daddy or Mommy (or other), that usually does the trick .
• Play games like peek-a-boo over Skype, etc.
• Watch them colour.
• Watch them take a bubble bath and play with rubber duckies (non sexual pref).
• Watch them play with stuffies, toys.

Okay so, you got her in littlespace and you're with her on Skype, which is great. She's still all alone though..

Here is an idea on how to make littlespace alone a better experience for your little:

 

Prepare in advance. Make some snacks or sandwiches and store them, Set up a cartoon playlist, Pepare an outfit you will wear, Make sure you know where all your stuffies are, Prepare food and drinks in advance, Make sure there's cookies, Prepare some music in advance.

 

What every little does in a littlespace is a personal thing! Some littles will love to play with toys, while others will like to watch movies. Everyone is different! 

 

Some ideas for littlespace activities with Caregiver on skype are: 

• Colouring.
• Watching Disney(or other) movies.
• Building a blanket fort.
• Having a tea party.
• Watching cartoons.
• Eating yummy snacks.
• Playing with toys.
• Baking cookies.

When it comes to littlespace, it doesn't have to be at all sexual but it can be, it all depends on the little so sexytime during skype is also an option.

 

Rewards for littles over distance:

 

Here are some examples of how to reward a little over distance:

• Call them a good little.
• Allow them candy.
• Watch their fav movie with them.
• Being relieved from chores.
• Extra time on the internetz.
• Later bedtime.
• Send them stuff like a new stuffie, new clothes, new toys, your clothes, your items, etc.
• Extra Skype time.
• A sticker on a sticker chart.
• Sexy stuff over Skype.
• Allowing self-sexy time.

Punishments for littles over distance:

 

Punishment should fit the crime! It is a good idea so set a punishment for breaking each of the rules. An example of this might be a rule like "The little must never self harm". This should not be punished by being shouted at, spanked, anything harsh like that. Instead it should be treated carefully as it shouldn't be made worse with harsh punishments. Another example might be the little being disobedient, which should be punished more harshly. this might be through kneeling on pencils (or legos muahahaha), self-spanking. corner time, etc. 

 

Remember that a punishment isn't abuse but a lesson and should be performed with that in mind, as well as taken.

 

Firstly, SEX CAN NOT BE A PUNISHMENT! THAT KIND OF STUFF ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES...

Secondly, like the rules, all punishments need to be discussed and agreed upon.

That being said, here are some examples of how to punish a little over distance:

• Early bedtime.
• No candy.
• No social media, YouTube and that kind of stuff.
• Stuffies put in stuffie jail.
• No TV.
• More chores.
• A good telling off (scolding).
• Apologising publicly (Here for instance).
• Writing lines during Skype.
• Self spanking during Skype (unless she likes that).
• Spend time in corner during Skype.
• Kneel on pencils or other rough objects during Skype.
• No Caregiver contact for some time (The Nuke!, use it only in extremes).
• No sexy stuff over Skype.
• Removing self-sexy time permissions.

​Another idea could be making the little take a really cold shower during Skype, personally I know the many benefits of cold showering so I don't like this one as a punishment but it's a possibility.

 

SAFEWORDS CAN BE USED AT ANY TIME, EVEN PUNISHMENTS. RESPECT THE SAFEWORD AS LAW.

 

Aftercare:

 

Now that punishment is done, aftercare MUST be performed. It is very important to boost mood, show care, tell them you're proud of them for being a brave little and taking the punishment, soothe them with your voice, talk it out, make sure they take care of their boo boos, have them apply lotion, massage sore spots, have them take a relaxing shower or bath, tell them you love them, have them tell you what lesson they've learned, help them see that the punishment is there for their well being, etc.

 

But what if the little just won't accept punishment and keeps breaking rules and / or routines?

This is a big one... Sometimes, Caregivers will have to deal with a little not accepting punishment. They may be being very bratty that day or just trying to get a reaction so here are some tips for responding to that:

• Do not lose your cool! - Caregiver needs to demonstrate that they are in control of themselves even under pressure. DO NOT shout or swear at the little because you're giving them the reaction they want. Firmly make them understand that accepting the punishment is in their best interest and that further consequences will ensue if the little continues to disobey.
• Be consistent and firm!
• Apply the consqequences!
• Start counting down from 10! (it's super effective).

​Defying punishment occasionally ins't a problem, it's a part of being a playful little. But when a little consistently refuses to accept punishment, the caregiver has to make her understand their role in the relationship. Cgl is a dynamic after all, not a service. The caregiver needs to have a word with the little about expectations and the future of the relationship.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Praetorian

[Guest]

Littles can be boys or girls or both or neither but other then that awesome post! I like all the tips and I am happy to say daddy and I make the check list for rules and good stuff

[LoralieHaze]

Wonderful post overall, thank you for this. There is one thing, however, that I wholeheartedly disagree with and that's "no caregiver contact" aka The Nuke. As previously stated here, one of the worst things a caregiver can do is purposely ignore their little. It is indeed a nuke because it can kill your relationship. If I had a Daddy and he did that to me, if wouldn't make me behave or teach me a lesson, it would make me break up with him. That is not acceptable to me, even as a punishment, it's just...no. Please don't ever do that to anyone.

[Guest Prat]

Wonderful post overall, thank you for this. There is one thing, however, that I wholeheartedly disagree with and that's "no caregiver contact" aka The Nuke. As previously stated here, one of the worst things a caregiver can do is purposely ignore their little. It is indeed a nuke because it can kill your relationship. If I had a Daddy and he did that to me, if wouldn't make me behave or teach me a lesson, it would make me break up with him. That is not acceptable to me, even as a punishment, it's just...no. Please don't ever do that to anyone.

 

Like I said, only in the most extreme of extremes.

[Guest]

Like I said, only in the most extreme of extremes.

there is no extremes that calls for cutting off contact for any amount of time. Ever. It's abuse. Only time a care giver should stop talking to their little is when they end things other then that NOPE Edited September 5, 2016 by Kitteny kitten

[Guest ZenDD]

Wonderful post overall, thank you for this. There is one thing, however, that I wholeheartedly disagree with and that's "no caregiver contact" aka The Nuke. As previously stated here, one of the worst things a caregiver can do is purposely ignore their little. It is indeed a nuke because it can kill your relationship. If I had a Daddy and he did that to me, if wouldn't make me behave or teach me a lesson, it would make me break up with him. That is not acceptable to me, even as a punishment, it's just...no. Please don't ever do that to anyone.

 

I agree. The post has some great info and ideas, but I've always believed the concept of ignoring a little to be detrimental; to the little, the relationship, and therefore the CG as well. Obviously, punishments usually entail removing access to something that a little values. But emotional values are different than material values. It all depends on the little, no rules or punishments work for everyone. If a little wanted that, and spoke to a CG reasonably and seriously about how they felt that would be an effective punishment, then I suppose i could support it, as it was completely consensual and well understood. But I do not like the idea of ignoring as punishment. That's the equivalent of abandonment to me. Abandonment creates fear, and i don't think fear should ever be used as punishment.

 

There is a marked difference between respect and fear. Both can get the desired results; obedience and discipline. But fear can cause long term problems. A little should feel encouraged, not provoked, into positive action. I would never presume to tell another CG how to do their job. I don't know the details and needs of their specific relationship with their little. But I just wanted to share my opinion on this matter, as I've seen this technique referred to before by other CG's.

Edited September 5, 2016 by ZenDD

[Guest Prat]

I agree. The post has some great info and ideas, but I've always believed the concept of ignoring a little to be detrimental; to the little, the relationship, and therefore the CG as well. Obviously, punishments usually entail removing access to something that a little values. But emotional values are different than material values. It all depends on the little, no rules or punishments work for everyone. If a little wanted that, and spoke to a CG reasonably and seriously about how they felt that would be an effective punishment, then I suppose i could support it, as it was completely consensual and well understood. But I do not like the idea of ignoring as punishment. That's the equivalent of abandonment to me. Abandonment creates fear, and i don't think fear should ever be used as punishment.

 

There is a marked difference between respect and fear. Both can get the desired results; obedience and discipline. But fear can cause long term problems. A little should feel encouraged, not provoked, into positive action. I would never presume to tell another CG how to do their job. I don't know the details and needs of their specific relationship with their little. But I just wanted to share my opinion on this matter, as I've seen this technique referred to before by other CG's.

 

Like the rules, all the punishments implemented would have to be discussed before hand and agreed upon, including "The Nuke".

Edited September 5, 2016 by Praetorian

[Trash Queen]

Ah man if a guy I'm interested in, daddy or no, doesn't respond to me, that's an immediate kill. That shit's also what abusers do.

I've recently just had guys that kept little contact with me so I've just dipped on out of their lives and moved on. Give me attention, dammit.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Red Riding Hood

[Guest Prat]

Ah man if a guy I'm interested in, daddy or no, doesn't respond to me, that's an immediate kill. That shit's also what abusers do.

 

I've recently just had guys that kept little contact with me so I've just dipped on out of their lives and moved on. Give me attention, dammit.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm against Nuking myself. But it is an extremely effective punishment for some people and it's only a punishment if everyone agrees to that. If it's not agreed on, that's abusive and toxic to the relationship.

[Guest Prat]

Bump

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

looking at some of this stuff, such as the whole ignore thing, which was already

addressed but also the 'rules and rewards being the most important part of a

cg/l relationship.' dunno, i feel like this is wrong. many cg/l ships out there don't

have rules. so, irl or online, generally not the most defining thing about a ship/

not the most important. you have to be careful saying things like that on a forum

where people come to learn about this dynamic, rules & punishments are not

for everyone. hell, rewards too ( but we all like to be spoiled sometimes ).

 

also, not too sure if you meant, with littlespace, age regression or not. Mostly

because, again, not all littles age regress. or even are necessarily child-like ( i

suppose this is where middles and whatnot come into play ). i see so many 

people that are massively different with their littlespace.

 

as far as sex as a punishment goes, those are called funishments. and you're

right, they can't be punishments, lol. even in the movies it's not a punishment..

being pleasured for being bad makes no sense in my own eyes but i've seen

it used many times around here as a means of punishment. punishment stops

bad behavior, funishment encourages it. i think an amazingly awesome 

punishment for ldr AND even irl ships is writing about what you did wrong, why

it was wrong, how you think it made your cg feel, and how to fix it. i've had to 

do it a few times and, despite not liking being punished, it opened my eyes to

my mistakes and made me more considerate where i wasn't. i carry the things

i've learned with me and use them in my ship now.

 

 

with littles not accepting punishment and keep breaking rules.. there are definitely

ways to address those problems that will vary from person to person but i'd

generally like to say that sometimes that particular rule/punishment isn't for that

certain little! i've skimmed a few threads where littles came here to ask for advice

because they were having issues following rules and kept breaking them.

communication. communicate the reasoning behind the difficulty in following the

rule and adjust what you can, get rid of what you can't. yes, rules help for whatever

littles prefer them, but they can also do the opposite. can't imagine what a little who

keeps breaking a particular rule/gets punished/disappoints their cg would feel like if

it happened too often. or even what the cg would feel like.

 

overall, this guide feels like it would fair better with someone(s) who is already

well educated about cg/l. someone new reading this could get all sorts of wrong

ideas and see things as acceptable when it shouldn't be ( or confirm any wrong ideas

they may already have ) or even attempt to force a way to work things into their

relationship(s) that they think need to be there.

 

i know that, even as a 23/4 year old adult, when i first got into it i found the wrong

information about cg/l and attempted to incorporate things i didn't like/need/want

all because everyone was talking about how it's in their ship and oft explained that

they were things needed to make a cg/l ship into a legit one. it took me awhile to

figure everything out. this was one of the last 2 forums i visited before finally, not 

only realizing, but being told it was okay to do things the way that my Daddy and I 

want/need/liked. not everyone will be like me but i'm sure there's plenty out there

who are.

 

and yes, i'm well aware that it says it's for the 'most common' type of cg/l ship but

it still didn't hurt any to make some of the points i did. 

 

 

[Guest Prat]

My original post is basically generalised pointers. I appreciate your personalised input and I'm sure others will as well. Edited April 10, 2017 by Prat(Praetorian)

[Guest Prat]

Bump

[LittleKitten13]

Personally, I think that putting stuffies in stuffie jail would be really bad, especially for littles like me, because that's taking away something that keeps me from being anxious...so taking away my stuffies would probably put me into a panic attack.

[Guest Prat]

Personally, I think that putting stuffies in stuffie jail would be really bad, especially for littles like me, because that's taking away something that keeps me from being anxious...so taking away my stuffies would probably put me into a panic attack.

Make sure to tell your cg. Not everything works well with everyone.

[Guest pacibrat]

Excellent list.  I appreciate how you said that people will discuss the rules/punishments first.  This means that the little agreed to them at some point in time.  If he/she agrees to the CG withholding contact then obviously that's motivating for them and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Guest Prat]

Excellent list.  I appreciate how you said that people will discuss the rules/punishments first.  This means that the little agreed to them at some point in time.  If he/she agrees to the CG withholding contact then obviously that's motivating for them and there's nothing wrong with it.

Righto.

[Guest LittleQueenNikki13]

Woah! WOOOAAAH! Kneeling on LEGO! Now that's just too damn far!!!

Hehe, love the post though! Nice job!

[Sparklefrosting]

OH it's a little girl. Daddy used counting down from 10. It's super effective! This looks like a bad pokemon match.