I lied to my daddy.

[raptorkitty]

So, my daddy has this friend whom he has slept with while me and him were "romantically involved" (on the verge of getting into a relationship, saying we loved each other, however not fulling in it.) Anyways he has this friend. He's made it clear that if i ever become to uncomfortable with their relationship, that i can say the words and he'd cut it off. We had a talk a while back about him talking to her about me or venting about me. i said i was completely UNCOMFORTABLE with himediscussing "us" with her. 

 

Well, today he told me he was talking to her and i asked what they were talking about and such. I stated that i was a little worried. He told me i could check if it was bugging me. At first i resisting looking, cause i was trying to be good and trust him even though my trust has been damage before by the two of them. During our conversation it lead to me expressing once again that i did not want him venting to her about me. Anyone but her, as its probably clear as to why. He got mad at me and stopped talking. At that point i got scared that he crossed my boundaries, so i checked his messages with her. (note: in our relationship it is consensual to look if you feel it is really needed.) Anyways, i checked and he wasn't venting about me, mind you i didn't look very far up. In the middle of me looking i got a message from him asking when the last time i checked his Facebook was. I freaked out cause i was embarrassed that lost all trust in him in that moment, and lied stating when the last time i checked instead of saying i was currently looking. He sent me a screen shot of Facebook saying i was currently looking and said "don't, you lied to me." 

 

I know it was incredibly wrong to lie, and i shouldn't have let my fear keep me from being truthful about my mistrust in him. I crossed boundaries that i shouldn't have. How can I make this better? He's currently not communicating with me and i don't think pushing him to talk to me will do any good... and i feel like if i express what was going on in my mind, he will think I'm just making excuses. So if you have any idea on how to apologize, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Edited September 21, 2016 by Daddy'sBrat666

[Guest]

Okay. Lying is bad yes. But he should be making you feel better and commitmenting with you not shutting you off. You had a reason to look. You told him you were uncomfortable and I feel he should have stayed there and made you feel better so you didn't get worried enough to look in the first place.

 

Honestly if you feel the need to look it's probably a good idea to ask for him to end the relationship with her. It's not selfish of you. Your relationship with him should come before whatever it is they have going on. And if he wont cut if off with her the. It's probably best to move on

 

I wish you luck !

Edited September 21, 2016 by Arya

[lilsnoopy]

It was wrong to lie, but i don't think that's the big issues here. I think it's their relationship. If he is with you and it makes you uncomfortable (which it really would bother me and probably most people so don't hide your emotions assuming they're wrong or something. your concerns are very valid.) Explain you felt uncomfortable and panicked. Tell him it bothers you, because the way you wrote it seems like you are bothered and are scared to express it. Since he is in a relationship with you then if you say, "no, it makes me uncomfortable please stop." He should do so. I think it is a very reasonable request given their past together it's so awkward. I would really talk to him about it.

 

ps don't feel too bad about lying... it is bad but if i were in that situation I would be upset and distressed and I can't imagine how I would act. I've very sensitive and clingy so yes I would snoop especially if the guy who is supposed to love me was spending a lot of time with his "friend" he previously had sex with. If you just impulsively said no as a first reaction I personally think that this once it's not your fault it's the emotions or the situation or the stress. And in my opinion it is never ever ok to just walk away leaving the little alone in the middle of a serious discussion. tbh there are probably better guys out there.

 

personal story time: I dated a guy who talked to his ex... it was like 3 months of me trying so hard to be what he wanted while he talked to her the  time. Then he finally said I wasn't who he wanted, she was, and he cared about her even though I asked several times if he had feelings for her. Maybe it's not like that for you. But it is a possibility. 

Edited September 21, 2016 by lilsnoopy

[Guest QueenJaylen]

Yes you were wrong for lying to him but lying is wrong period. You had concerns you felt like he wasn't respecting your wishes so you checked up on it. If he gave you access to his facebook he should know that you check it especially in a situation like this and from what I read it's not the fact that you checked it, it was more because you lied and you probably didn't want him to feel like you didn't trust him i understand that but if you don't feel comfortable with whoever he is talk to tell him because he told you that you could so tell him that you don't like it but also remember don't be so insecure in your relationship but i understand he made bad decisions previously with her and you don't trust that so tell him. If ya'll were having a serious conversation he should not have shut down on you period just think about everything you are not the only one wrong here

[Mikaitaku]

this is just my take on it but it seems the big problem is him cheating on you, regardless of if there is anything physical between them or not. what I find odd is that he had a screen shot of you not being on his facebook, that should be impossible unless he has another account or something like that. 

[Guest QueenJaylen]

 

Mikaitaku you are so right how did he get a screenshot of you on his facebook

 

[raptorkitty]

its called "your active sessions" on Facebook (on the phone app)

 

However, i think this post turned into somehow my boyfriend apparently cheating on me XD. No he has not cheated on me nor does he have another Facebook. Their sexual history was while we were deciding to be in a relationship, but not actually in one yet. therefore its not technically cheating. He told me a while back that i had the choice to terminate their friendship, But i saw no good in that. He said she was a good friend before the incident, so i decided to try and leave the past in the past. However, after trust is broken, its hard to mend back together so I'm having troubles letting him have his privacy and trusting him. 

We've talked. He stated that we will be having a rather lengthy talk in person this weekend when i drive up. But he apologized for acting sour and upset. I truly believed he meant it. And I fully believe that i had the right to check his Facebook after feeling like my limits had been pushed aside. However, that does not excuse my lack of respect and lying to him in anyway, shape or form. he made mistakes but that does not define who he is. It just means we have to work extra hard on trust, honesty and communication, while he works on his patience with me learning how to trust again. 

 

(got to love how after a fight you see things in a different light. My daddy's a good man, and a good daddy. and He's helped me express a lot today and help me see the big picture)

 

Thank you for your comments. it meant a lots and helped me understand what i was feeling and how to communicate them to him