Getting started.

[Littleonenajha]

My boyfriend and I have always had a relationship where I have been his slave. However I have more little tendencies than anything else. Ive always been scared to show it because I have always been pushed away. He doesnt know how to set up a schedule and routine and doesnt know how to be a daddy but is trying. I really dont know what to do. And my mentor has dropped off the face of the earth leaving me feeling abandoned

[IchigoHime]

You could start by building on your current dynamic. Like if there is something in particular you two do that makes you feel more little, you could tell him how it makes you feel and do it more often, and then find other things similar. If you have any activities you enjoy doing as a little, you could have him join you in them. If you like to colour, ask him to draw with you or use an adult colouring book for himself. As for setting up a schedule, you could start with things you already do and just have him "check in on you" to make sure you are doing them. 

 

Sorry about your mentor abandoning you, that is tough. But I think you will be just fine. 

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, welcome and thanks for being comfortable sharing your situation with us.

 

I am interpreting your situation has 3 parts.

 

Part 1. You need to learn the fundamentals of being a little in the DDlg Lifestyle.

 

Part 2. "He doesn't know how to set up a schedule and routine and doesn't know how to be a daddy but is trying."

Your boyfriend needs to learn the fundimentals of what it is to be a Daddy Dom.

 

Part 3. "Ive always been scared to show it because I have always been pushed away."

Does this mean that your boyfriend "pushes" you away, because perhaps he is intimidated by not knowing who he is supposed to be and what he is supposed to do as a Daddy Dom?

 

How am I doing? Ok...everything i right here on the forum. You just have to take the time to look for it. Here, I will get you started.

 

1. I went to the "Resources" section of the forum and found the following you can start by reading.

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12727-a-starting-point-for-rules-rewards-punishments/

 

2. Then I went to the "CareGiver Cafe" section of the forum and I recommend that your boyfriend and you read this very long but very worthwhile post.

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/51-general-advice-for-new-daddies/

 

If you have any questions please ask. I will do my best to answer and share resources. Blessings, Princess AJ

[Littleonenajha]

Thank you, I sent him the information. He was against even trying at first which is why I fear being pushed away. He feels he is too sadistic to be a daddy or at least he felt that way. He is starting to accept it but he gets frustrated because he doesnt know what to do.

 

As far as my mentor goes I have been looking for a new one. Daddy gets jealous easily so I have to be careful

[Guest TwinklingSpace]

Hello! And welcome to the community.

 

I think a point that's really important to point out, is that there is no "wrong" or "right" way to be a little or be in a ddlg relationship. Like any relationship, it's yours. So you have to mold and morph it into what you like, what you desire, and what you feel comfortable with.

 

I think since your daddy is unsure on what to do and how to act. You might need to gently lead him. Start off with things that you both can enjoy. Like reading, coloring, watching movies/cartoons, or cooking. Just do what feels natural and hopefully things will fall into place.

 

Like KonekoSheila said, maybe you could set up your own schedule and just have your daddy follow it (this is what I mean by gently lead).

 

Another fun thing you could both do is set up charts. Like either a hygiene or cleaning chart. And then at the end of the day ask you daddy to check the things on the chart and if you did them, he could check them off or put cute stickers. This could help you with having a schedule and keep you on track and this way he's monitoring you.

 

And the last thing I would suggest, is just talk to him. See what he's comfortable with, what your comfortable with. Ask him what makes him feel like a daddy, what makes you feel like a little. And again, this is YOUR RELATIONSHIP. You fit it to fit your lifestyle and likes.

 

He could be a daddy by doing little things like patting your head, combing your hair or tucking you into bed.

 

Or bigger things like playing dress up, picking out your clothing or cooking special meals.

 

Just go at your own pace and do what feels like you

[Littleonenajha]

Im not good at making my oqn schedules and chats, ive asked my mentor for help several times but so far nothing

[Guest Princessaj]

Glad to see you are doing your research. There is so much more to read, so dive in.

 

To your note about your boyfriend thinking he is too sadistic...let me offer this...from

talking to different Daddies at different places in their development, all different types

of men, all ages... they ALL talk passionately/some even gush about how their "feelings"

of loving, caring-mind, body and soul, concern, helping, assisting, supporting, encouraging,

pampering, providing structure, playing and all the things that are essential to being a

Daddy is their sole motivation and how they keep going. Its a lot of hard work, because life is.

 

I don't know how old your boyfriend is, but men have different stages in their life when they

are open emotionally. The best example is this. If you were to find out you were pregnant right

now, what would you boyfriend say/do? Some guys step right up and embrace the wonderful

news, others run away, because they are not ready. That doesn't mean they will never be ready,

but I have heard that there usually is no in between, they either are over the moon even if they

are scared or out the door.

 

My guess is that your boyfriend feels he is "good" at sadism. He is confident in his skills

and knows his way around the Lifestyle. DDlg is a completely different skill set of which

he has to start from scratch. Sadism works him up, pumps his adrenaline up. DDlg is a

soft space with soft rules, depending on how you both decide to ramp them up. He may be

an adrenaline junky and that is ok. It just won't be transferable to DDlg. Again, he has

to start from scratch. It is a major big deal for guys to lead with their emotions. First they

have to know how they are within themselves and then how to involve another person.

 

Depending on your boyfriend's willingness to use his emotional toolbox and understand that

in DDlg, the "Dom" part is used for structure, consistency, safety,...and yes discipline, but that

word takes on a different definition than from having you as a slave.  I can tell already from

what you shared this may be a monumental request. If he doesn't, can't, won't come to the table

and admit to himself he does have these qualities and traits, but will have to do some really strong

discipline for himself to bring them out and use them in DDlg.

 

If you are interested, we can work with the..."He is starting to accept it but he gets frustrated

because he doesn't know what to do." part small bits at a time. In the meantime, I would stop

looking for a mentor. The last thing you need your boyfriend to be is distracted/jealous. I think

you will get a big return on having him see that you are investing in him, yourself and the

relationship. Feel free to friend me and we can private message pm if you want. Blessings, Princess

[Littleonenajha]

My mentor has started talking to me again somewhat, and I just now noticed how bad I butchered my last reply, I am really bad at my own charts and schedules

[Littleonenajha]

Thank you, I will send those to him to see if he wants to watch them. I have sent you a friend request

[Guest MissNMTX]

Hey There,

 

Welcome and thanks for sharing! First off, as some of the others have said there's no "right" or "wrong" way to do this. There is no one type of little....I struggled with this. There is also no one type of daddy...I prefer a more dominant type. It really is about the two of you and what works for and fulfills you.

 

Learning is huge! There's so much here and online. My experience here has been that people are supportive, encouraging, willing to listen and offer advice where they can. The best thing you can do is learn what appeals to you and how it makes you feel...Its super hard work, that we all have to do. The pay off is huge though, You'll be able to give your daddy examples and explain your own feelings as you "gently lead him."  He'll know you're serious and willing to take your time and learn...All in order to help him as well....He should respond well to this.

 

Study & communicate...That's my advice. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more.

[Littleonenajha]

He keeps reassuring me he isnt going to leave me over it and he will learn. However im at a blank as I have always rejected and pushed this side away from me instead of embracing it. So I don't even really know how to guide him through it.

[Guest MissNMTX]

Start with yourself. If you were to embrace it what would that mean to you? your ideal...Learn yourself first. He'll see how hard you're working to learn and grow.

[Littleonenajha]

Happiness