I want to be loved by my daddy...

[Guest reney]

Hi everyone! I'm fairly new to the ddlg lifestyle and was hoping for advice ^^ I am currently talking to a daddy I met over a month ago online and we started a LDR (different coasts in the US). 

 

Full disclosure, I actually started out as a submissive (as in d/s) so I was up front with this daddy that I am pretty comfortable/enjoy sexual submission but that I was drawn to ddlg bc of the "care" aspect that comes with daddy doms as opposed to masters. Anyways, it's been about a month of frequent Skype calls, texting, exploring...and I would say that I am pretty fulfilled sexually. But I still feel like I'm missing out on the "care" that i was coming into this lifestyle wanting to receive. Don't get me wrong, he tells me to report on how I'm feeling on a particular day and asks me about things in my past that I may be repressing so he can help me get past them. But I still feel like this is part of his control and domination rather than out of genuine care for me as a person (i.e. he wants to probe me mentally and enjoys getting me to think certain things or a certain way).

 

He made it explicitly clear that he wants to own me, body and mind, and that I am a toy to him. Coming from a bdsm background, this was language I was used to and I readily agreed without negotiating. But thinking back on it now...is this normal for ddlg? Is he a daddy to me just bc I call him "daddy"? Should I be satisfied with the fact that he is giving me attention or should I expect a stranger I met online to truly love and care for me? Am I simply being naive or overly hopeful? Other lgs out there...do you feel loved by your daddy? 

 

If anyone even got through this whole block of text I commend you!! 

Edited April 10, 2017 by reney

[roseyposey]

I had a D like that and to be honest we didn't last very long. I felt...disconnected from him. It was awful for me. Have you told him how you feel? If not via Skype / phone then written form?

 

To answer your question: my current Daddy (we're online only right now) makes it 1000% clear that he cares about me and wants me to be happy in this relationship. He wants me to feel comfortable and loved and protected, which is exactly what I need in a Daddy.

[Guest reney]

Hi @MsAriel, glad to hear you have a daddy who makes you happy now I guess part of the problem with my situation lies with me bc I'm bad at asking people for things I want. I should talk to him (he really is a nice person I think in daily life) but I just feel awkward being all like PLS LOVE ME!! I'm kinda hoping that he will grow to care for me naturally over time but I'm just scared that it will never really happen...especially considering I really like him a lot even though I often feel sad within the relationship 

[sighing]

I'm a DaddyDom without a Little at the moment. But if I had one I can guarantee that I would make sure she knew she was loved and cared for. That's what separates a DaddyDom from a normal Dom after all. So no you're not being naive or hopeful. You're looking for a core component of a Ddlg relationship.

 

But besides that, the most important cornerstone of any kind of relationship is communication. If you feel like something isn't going right you need to be able to voice your concerns with your partner. If you don't tell him, how will he know? He may see the fact that you're silent as a sign that he's acting how you'd like. So try to step out of your comfort zone and speak up

 

If you speak up and nothing changes, then you might want to consider finding someone else. Right now he's clearly not offering you what you need out of a relationship.

Edited October 1, 2016 by SighingMan

[roseyposey]

Yep, it can be hard but it's better to get it out there than let it fester. Try writing him a letter if it's too much to ask face to face. You got this!

[LoralieHaze]

I started to write a long rant but most of it is unnecessary.

 

• You being a toy to him sounds like a huge red flag to me, like he doesn't understand the difference between Master/slave and DDlg because that's not the norm for a Daddy to think that.
• It's also a huge red flag that you often feel sad within the relationship. That's not a good sign at all, especially this soon.
• Your Daddy shouldn't feel like a stranger, even if you've only met online and not IRL.
• It's not unreasonable for you to expect your Daddy to love and care about you. I'm in a LDR with someone I met over a  month ago online and we love and care about other. I think the problem in your relationship is that the two of you just aren't right for each other.
• I would break it off if I were you but you can still try to make it work if you want. Tell him what kind of "care" that you need, what that involves or would entail for you. If he does those things after you've discussed them, great. If he doesn't do those things after you've discussed them, end it.
• Often times when littles are new to DDlg, they latch onto the first guy that wants to be called Daddy and will pay attention to them. I know from experience because I did the same thing 6 months ago. That first guy is usually (but not always) a jerk and not worth our time.
• Please do not settle for just anyone who will pay attention to you, or tell you that you're cute, or listen to your problems! Yes, a good Daddy does all those things but also so much more than just that. Just those three things aren't enough.
• Just sexual satisfaction alone isn't enough either, specially if you're often feeling sad. Again, that's how I felt six months ago and it really fucking sucked.
• I think it would be most beneficial for you to be single for a bit while you figure things out and learn more about this lifestyle.

[Donatien]

The only situation I could come to call my little Daddy's toy, is in the middle of a sexual act. If the vibe at the moment asks for it. It will only be uttered to make my little feel more submissive, and not as a general sentiment. I would never say it outside of that situation, because a little is NOT daddys toy. A little makes daddy whole, completes him and caters to his continous and never ending needs as a caregiver. A daddy will never stop longing for his little, and he will allways be there for her. To me the deep end of the DD/lg kink, is the dichotomy between the sexual submissiveness of the little and the caregiver aspect of the Daddy. It makes me tremble just writing about it here.

 

And I would never say that I "own" my little. She is mine yes, but that is so obvious that there is no need to confirm it verbaly. She is mine because she chose to give herself to me, not because I lay claim to her. A daddy should help his little be strong and make room for her to grow as a person. Saying you "own" your little the way you describe it here, does not create a safehouse. It creates a prison. For you to ask for protection from your daddy on the other hand, will create that safe space. And a daddy will never reject you when you aproach him.

 

These are my oppinions ..

 

Do not let yourself be used.

Not by anyone.

Good luck

[littlecub]

Just because you're in a LDR doesn't mean you should not be cared for. I've been in a LDR with my Daddy for about 2 months and he tells me he loves me several times a day, checks up to me and generally makes me feel safe and cared for. I think in a ddlg relationship, as a little, being cared for is one of the most important things. I hope it all works out for you, and I agree with all the others saying that you should talk to him. *hugs*

[Trash Queen]

Communication is key! I know how hard it is to bring stuff up; it's absolutely anxiety inducing. But you really really have to remember you have an obligation to yourself to make sure you're happy and healthy in a relationship. If you're not happy, you just have to take a deep breath and tackle it.

 

It's always blows big time right before, during, and right after (in some cases), but it can lead to a huge relief. I've found approaching someone as calmly and maturely as I can muster helps. And I hate to say it, but if he doesn't change, you may have to reevaluate being in the relationship.

 

It's really hard, but you learn from every experience and become better for it in some way. I wish you the best and hope you can make a choice that makes you happier!

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I strongly, strongly suggest showing him this post. 

 

I totally understand having trouble communicating verbally, especially when it comes to articulating your wants and needs. But it /is/ important, as stated above. I suggest that you think about making a joint blog where you can freely post the things you want and he can look at them at his leisure. Maybe writing a letter, like someone else suggested. My triad (Beast, myself, and our girlfriend) have a group book that we all write stuff in and leave in a common location so we can all read it and reply whenever we have time. 

 

Sometimes, writing stuff down helps us express ourselves more clearly and in a more confident way. Good luck!

[Guest reney]

Thank you everyone for the really good advice ^^ I think I definitely jumped into ddlg headfirst without a whole lot of understanding...I'm learning a lot from this forum and everyone here It doesn't sound like my current relationship is the norm in this lifestyle hmm...>.< I'm going to try to talk to my daddy later (real talk!!!) and come to agreement on feelings...if it doesn't work out I'll have to move on. Anyways, thanks again!! <3<3 

[Thequeen]

Yea I have to agree with everyone here about it being very wrong he doesnt show you more love and care. As a mommy dom and a master to my little, I make sure to keep those realms very clear and seperate right now since we are still getting into the new realm of master and slave. Anything new we try, such as names which yes "my toy" has been used but was followed immediately with checking to make sure he liked it, didnt like it, what he was feeling, I made it a point to ensure he liked everything that was happening and slowly working into combining the two aspects slwoly all with my littles full and knowing consent. If he wants a master and daddy relationship with you he needs to make that clear and you two work through all the parts you like and dislike together. He cant just assume you like something. I know some days my little loves being ignored and treated as worthless but other days he is the most playful thing in the world. So lets just assume the best of him and that he thought you wanted to be more master slave then he should have clearly gone through the different realms he wanted to see your comfort with them.

 

But also because of the intense emotions related to master slave relationships I have almost always heard of having "contracts"- the word contract used very loosely. Its more a paper outlining what you want in the relationship. Mine goes over the basic ideas of it to ensure he knows what a master slave relationship is in general then it goes into the specifics of MY master slave relationship so like rules, expectations, expected punishments, and thent he most important part for my slave it has a section where they can write there hard and soft limits. I mean some limits can be far and extreme while others are simple like my littles first one, no eye contact restrictions, he loves being able to look up at his mommy/master and never wants that taken away from him. And at the bottom of my contract I added a notes section and he put "love and care for me always" and I signed to that because I do. I love and care for him always. Even when hes deep in the mood of a slave I still love and care for him. So if this guy wants to be your master (not saying he does) he needs to go over his wants, your wants, and YOUR LIMITS. otherwise you are going to end up seriously hurt girl. I know you already said you were gonna talk to him but you should really know what your wanting in your dream relationship before going in to talk with him. Because if you know you want a daddy dom only and he says hes both you need to say no I'm sorry I don't want a master. and be able to get up and walk away at that, do NOT compromise your wants and dreams.

 

I hope this helps and you stick to your wants and dreams! I know its hard but you've got a community of friends here and I am more than willing to be a friend if you want

-TheQueen