Adjustments for my little girl

[suprdaddy]

I'm not new to the ddlg lifestyle, however I've recently taken on a second little who needs her attitude adjusted when it gets close to "that time of the month". I know the best way to handle this particular situation is open communication between myself and my little, but I'd like to reach out and get insight on if any other daddy has had to do such adjusting. I'm also aware that each little is different and adjustments will vary, and for lack of sounding repetitive or redundant, I'm simply inquiring on another daddy's experiences and suggestions. This little has been a part of my life for the last 6 months, so we're still working on a solid foundation for this relationship, and with that said we've only recently incorporated the lifestyle into our daily routine. Aftercare is a given and I have not insecurities regarding my ability to handle that and show her she's in a safe and secure place with someone who loves her. My dilemmas are these: Paddle or hand, clothed or not, how many swats, over the knee or bent over the bed, etc.

 

Thank you to anyone who is able to help point me in the right direction.

[Guest]

Ummmm not sure using a punishments is fair to do when a little's time of the month is coming. I get you are male and have not had the experience yourself but mood swings are really not always controllable when mother nature comes around.

I'd be even more pissed off if my daddy tries spanking or paddling me for being moody when my time of month was coming, since its something I can not help at all. I really DO NOT think that's a good idea at all. Since its something that can't be controlled I would try a positive approach. Such as trying to make her happy and feel better. Candies, more attention and praising and so on.

Your little girl is not a puppy being naughty and needs to be spanked to fix things. She probably can't really do much about her attitude and punishments for it (in my honest opinion) are the worse things possible you could do.

Edited October 1, 2016 by Arya

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I think you should work on adjusting your attitude when her "time of the month" comes. Not hers. Theres a time for strict punish, and thers a time to ease up too. If shes more bratty than normal for biological reasons, theres no sense at all in coming down hard on her for it.

 

In my opinion, thats a time to be more the caregiver than the Dom.

[Trash Queen]

As someone who menstruates, I stared getting worse and worse after my mental health issues started being resolved. It was weird.

 

Over all, a doctor needs to be consulted, but here are some things that helped me: Taking 1000mg of calcium. Studies are showing that a lot of severe PMS symptoms are caused by a lack in calcium. (Google has loads of sources) It's al chemicals and hormones, so there are medical ways to help make it calm down. Birth control can also help for SOME people. Crying it out and breathing exercises helped as well.

 

This is a biological function for her. She can not will her hormones to control her moods. The only thing she can control is her reaction to these moods. If this was me, I would say just talk it out and see if you can develop activities or plans to help keep her calm. It really sucks to sit there getting so angry over the smallest of things. I'd hate to be punished when I'm already a big mess of emotions and hormones. If it gets very severe, perhaps bring up speaking to a medical professional. It got to the point I had to because it was affecting my day to day life. Her moods are not her fault! But how people behave and act towards others can be controlled (mental illnesses and conditions aside).

[Guest Prat]

 

Ummmm not sure using a punishments is fair to do when a little's time of the month is coming. I get you are male and have not had the experience yourself but mood swings are really not always controllable when mother nature comes around.

I'd be even more pissed off if my daddy tries spanking or paddling me for being moody when my time of month was coming, since its something I can not help at all. I really DO NOT think that's a good idea at all. Since its something that can't be controlled I would try a positive approach. Such as trying to make her happy and feel better. Candies, more attention and praising and so on.

Your little girl is not a puppy being naughty and needs to be spanked to fix things. She probably can't really do much about her attitude and punishments for it (in my honest opinion) are the worse things possible you could do.

As a fellow Daddy, this is my advice.

[Strawberry Sprinkles]

When we're on our cycle, many of us have a lower serotonin level. That's why we crave things that light up our brain (thus producing serotonin) like chocolate or pizza. I agree with Arya in the venture of increasing those serotonin levels and opening up a conversation that doesn't seem to be aggressive. We're very sensitive at this time. Every one is different, however, so keep in mind what is the best approach for your partner. Without any information on how she's being bratty, I'll throw out a few guesses that have been issues with myself in the past.
 
 
Positive Reinforcement
 
She's refusing to tell you what is wrong and everything about her stance is telling you to fuck off. You will feel offended. You're together, right? You're the one in charge. No, she will tell you right now or you'll bring out the paddle. 
 
The issue with this situation is the fact that it is building off of levels of aggression. You're waving a red flag at a bull. Instead, allow her the space she wants during this time. Set up a room for her to vent out all these negative vibes. With a decreased amount of serotonin, she may be having invasive thoughts. When she decides she wants to talk, praise her according whether she's acting "Little" or not. Sometimes a "good girl" isn't as effective as "thank you, I was really worried."
 
Non-Aggressive "I" Statements
 
You're at your wits end. She's not following rules and/or doing chores. All she wants to do is lounge around and eat tubs of ice cream. She's probably wanting that ice cream because she feels awful and the sugar is helping that craving. Yes, actual craving. Our brains DEMAND we eat something sweet/salty/etc. Remember, our bodies are going through a cleansing cycle. And it can hurt. Curl up in a fetal position hurt. 
 
Instead of demanding and/or barking for her for the misconduct, begin with:
 
"I feel ___ when you ____ because ___."
 
Here's a segment from a couple's therapy article [x] about "I" statements and how to use them.
 

 Couples in the early stages of marital counseling may misuse “I” statements. For example, a man might say to his partner, “I hate it when you do not listen to me.” Although this statement does start with “I,” it might still be interpreted as accusatory and may not be the healthiest way to express feelings. A better “I” statement might be, “When you do not listen to what I am saying, I feel ignored and unloved.” Therapists often help those they are treating to practice appropriate “I” statements and explore ways to respond to the feelings that these statements communicate.

 
(F)unishment
 
I saved this for last because it is tricky. Is your partner sexually needy during her cycle? If so, playtime maybe in order to reduce the cramping and increase that feel-good stuffs. This is where I would introduce said punishments in the form of teasing! Arousal has a funny way to put a stop to bratty behavior. I suppose it's important to note here that things will get messy. Grab a towel (or maybe two). This is the perfect opportunity to get out those fuzzy handcuffs. I might be crossing a line here (I apologize if I am) but keep in mind all those nerve endings in that little button if the blood is hard to stomach. This would be the best way to re-enforce your role as the Dominant and rekindle some of that emotional connection. Like I said, you know your girl best!  
 
Miscellaneous
 
Birth control and medications: Riding hood covered this bit really well!
 
Even if it's against the usual role, allow her to have bits of chocolate. Maybe a cheap plushie to snuggle with as well? Ones sprayed in your cologne are best!
Note: Never do to one and not the other. Get TWO plushies!
 
Allow for girl time. If you and the girls are living together in the same house, let them have a day together. Popcorn, movies, tubs of ice cream, and stuffie dates! We all know what PMS really stands for: Punish Men Severely! (That was just too chuckle-worthy to not add.)

Edited October 1, 2016 by Strawberry Sprinkles

[Guest TwinklingSpace]

I agree with what everyone has said about not physically punishing your little while she's on her cycle. This might not make sense to you (male), but when women are on their cycle, it is REALLY hard to control our emotions and tempers. Our bodies are sending our brain mixed signals, we have more and less chemicals in our bodies. It's a crazy battle in our bodies. And there's no good way to explain and express just how hard it is.

 

So I agree, that using physical punishment to correct the "bad behavior" isn't the right way to go. Because she might not realize what she's doing.

 

Somethings that I would suggest though is asking her about the "bad behavior".

 

"Why are you yelling?"

"Do you know you're being grumpy?"

"Do you know you're being disrespectful?"

 

Pointing out and asking her about the "bad behavior" might jog her out of it. She might not realize what she's doing, her body and mind might be on auto-pilot and she might not realize she's doing what she's doing. So bringing it up in a calm and soothing manner might knock her out of it.

 

If it doesn't and you feel the need to "punish" her. I would suggest a time-out, sitting in the corner or being in a room by herself. That way she can calm down and try to gain control of her emotions again.

 

One last thing, I know a lot of people are suggesting to give your little food or medicine or affection. Which can all be good, in moderation.

 

If she is acting out or behaving "badly", I wouldn't throw candy at her or try to coddle her. I would try to correct the behavior the best you can and then once she's calmer then give the candy and affection.

 

You don't want her thinking the bad behavior will be rewarded with treats or affection.

[Guest ZenDD]

One of the things we rarely talk about in this forum is "playful" punishments vs. "real" punishments.

Everyone has a different take on what rules mean in their relationship, and how punishments actually work. But I hope that the type of punishment you're discussing here is a "playful" one, because I think punishing someone for their behavior due to PMS seems pretty insensitive. 

 

Yes, PMS doesn't give anyone an excuse to be completely cruel.  In extremely severe cases, a woman should see a doctor if she feels her PMS symptoms are somehow out of the ordinary. But there is a parameter of "normal" irritability that should be expected and accepted. No one should be punished for these symptoms. On the contrary, they should be given just a little extra tlc and patience. The longer you're with someone, the better you should get to understand the mood adjustment during that time.

 

On another note, if you're not new to DDlg, have two littles, and have been with the one in question for six months already, I'm not exactly sure why you would be asking for such basic advice on corporal punishment now. Glad you're asking though, better late than never. These things you asked about should really be up to you AND her. Rules and punishments should be negotiated between partners BEFORE the relationship gets going so that you're both clear about what is expected from each of you and how consequences are dealt with.

 

Corporal punishment , in action and motivation, is personal to those who administer it and those who receive it. If neither of you are sure how to utilize this activity, then practice. A "dress rehearsal", for all intents and purposes, can help you both get an idea for what works. The force at which it is administered can be "backed off" during this practice, and you both can get an idea of her pain threshold. Again, there is a difference between "playful" punishment and "real" punishment, and using corporal punishment as a "real" punishment is just violence. No one should ever be corrected by violent means. Better punishments for "real" rule breaking and unacceptable behavior should include things like a stay on privileges.

 

Discipline and respect are what is enforced through punishment, and using violence creates fear, not respect. Using fear as a motivator is abusive. In the short term, you get the same results out of fear and respect, but in the long run, learning to do things out of respect is much more useful in life than learning to do things out of fear. 

[suprdaddy]

Daddy's and littles who have voiced your opinion so far, I thank you for taking the time to respond and point me in a direction. However, I failed to mention that this is per her request. I know that doesn't make sense to some, buthe isthe way she would like to deal with what I'd guess is all the emotions going on inside.

 

Please understand this IS NOT a punishment by any stretch of the imagination.

 

I'm old enough to know the do's and don'ts of PMS, but this request is new to me. Want to approach it wisely but wasn't sure if any other daddy or little has come across such a request.

 

Thank you again for your input.

[DaddyPenguin]

I would have to agree with most of the other Daddys.. Punishment because she is moody around her cycle is not the thing to do. This is something she can not control, it's not like she is acting out to act out.

 

I believe in punishment but I know a punishment is not always needed. So not to sound rude, but I would say adjustment is needed more with you than your little. Daddys need to be understanding and do not feel you are being understanding when it comes to that time of month for your little.

 

I understand you say this is per her request but there is nothing you can do. Just part of life and honesty deal with it, both of you.

Edited October 2, 2016 by DaddyPenguin

[raptorkitty]

I used to have severe menstrual pain. It was so bad i couldn't move for a week and i'd be throwing up. Advil did nothing to reduce the pain and so.... being in pain that bad made me extremely cranky and mean.... It wasn't intentional, i couldn't control my emotions when i was in that much pain. 

 

Daddy had suggested I get an IUD, for sexual reasons of course. But after I got the IUD, i don't get my periods anymore. Slight cramping, but nothing like it used to be. My attitude when menstruating is also quite reduced too.

 

This may not be the reason why your little has an attitude, like me. However, if it is, maybe make the suggestion for an IUD it helped a lot. It quite the long stretch for a suggestion though. 

Edited October 6, 2016 by raptorkitty

[suprdaddy]

Thank you to everyone for your input. This has definitely given me food for thought and information I can use in our relationship as we move forward.

[Baby_squirrel]

I believe everyone has given you enough info on punishment vs non-punishment and rewards. The main question you need to ask yourself and her, being that it is her request to be punished, is why she thinks she needs to be punished? Because I talked back is not the proper answer. If she says that then you should ask her why she felt the need to talk back/break a rule etc. Then handle it from there or keep asking for more explanation.

 

Are you upset by her 'attitude'? Most importantly if she perceives her behavior to be a problem where did she get that notion? How was her partners or families typical reaction to her monthly attitude?

 

Please remember everything has a root, a beginning. You need to see if the root of her request is genuinely something she feels is the best way to handle her, a continuation of her norm or possibly picked up from somewhere else. Hope that makes sense.

 

Punishing her with clothes on of off and with what is something you two need to decide upon. If she's given you the option to choose however you like then I suggest you start out slowly. A dress rehearsal as mentioned above.

 

Also a good punishment is sometimes no punishment at all. I am not a bad girl, but once when I had a caregiver I felt the uncontrollable need to blurt out something bad. I did it. He proceeded to ignore my behavior until I begged for a punishment. I even explained why I thought I needed the punishment, still he would not punish me. THAT was the worse punishment I have ever received. I have not repeated that action even though we are no longer together. Sometimes guilt is enough to stop 'bad' behavior.