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How old is too old?


brebunny
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Is there such thing as dating a dom/me that's too old or too young. (Not talking about underaged)

 

Can an 18 year old date a 50 year old and the other way around?

 

Also can a little who's 18 date someone who is the same age and still be considered having the power dynamic of cg/l?

 

What's your guy's opinion?

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Ohh. this is a tough one. I think they'd have to be older than 18 if the gap was that big because it could be a young person getting groomed. But still I guess if it's a consensual adult relationship between two non related people then I don't see why they couldn't. It'd be looked on badly I'm sure but that'd be their issue to deal with. I just think that the younger person needs to know that they are in control and not being groomed or forced into anything because that might happen when a person is only just legally an adult.

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Personally I don't think age matters. I mean yeah a 50 year old dating an 18 year old that does sound kind of weird but they're the age of consent so it's fine.

I had a Daddy who was 45 (im 20)

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Guest Daddy's elephant

Age doesn't matter. My Daddy is two years younger than me. She's still my Daddy. And underaged littles deserve a chance to be taken care of as well, a Cg/lo relationship isn't always about sex.

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A giant age gap is sometimes rather difficult to deal with on a practical level (how do you introduce this person to your family and your coworkers?).

I don't think age matters, love is love, but it offers real difficulties to portraying yourself in public that are hard to deal with.

 

I'm sure if I had an SO that was really far off my age, then I'd obviously figure something out. They say people get better with age (like fine wine). Maybe I'd say that?

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I agree with everyone else here with the 18-50 age gap. It is different, but they're two consenting adults. But the 18-18 dynamic, I feel like it could work. My Daddy is 20 and I'm turning 20 in September and it still works very well for us!

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If it's between two adults I don't think it's really anyones place to comment, love is love.

I totally agree. But I still want people's opinion lol. <3

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18 and 55 is a big difference and while 18 IS the age of consent, your brain isn't fully developed until you're in your 20's. a 55 year old could easily be taking advantage of a young girl. I'd say there would be issues. We can pretend age doesn't matter, but with a gap THAT big and 18 being so very young, it sort of does matter. I met my daddy when I was 19 and he was 27. Now I'm 25 and he's 33. That's an age gap that works....but 18 and 55....things get a little weird. That's just my opinion and what I have seen others go through. 

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Age doesn't matter much to me. Ad long as you are 18 and you're mature enough you can date someone who's a lot older than you. Just don't let them take advantage of you in anyway. It might be frowned upon but it's your decision. My ex Daddy was actually 35 and things worked out well even for the big age gap.
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Caregivers, Littles, master or slave; age and gender are of no consequence. As long as all involved are sane, safe and consenting then ENJOY! That is the beauty of this lifestyle we live.

 

 

I often get alot of publicity and attention on Tumblr and other sites due to my age, because I am 52. My youngest little has been 22, so there has been a 30 year age gap. She teases me for being old, and I tease her for not knowing history, our dynamic certainly has its benefits. Moreso, than a partner of similar age to me, although in saying that, she is a particularly mature and smart little.

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I'm always a little wary of littles who are barely legal getting involved with Bigs more than twice their age just because as an abuse survivor I can't help but worry for them. I have nothing against age gaps, it's just 18 is incredibly young. But I won't ever actually comment on it unless I truly fear for the younger partner.

A CG/l relationship where they're both the same age totally works! I'm actually 20 days older than my Daddy. If he and I were to somehow not work out, my next partner would probably be older than me though because that's usually been my preference.

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I'm always a little wary of littles who are barely legal getting involved with Bigs more than twice their age just because as an abuse survivor I can't help but worry for them. I have nothing against age gaps, it's just 18 is incredibly young. But I won't ever actually comment on it unless I truly fear for the younger partner.

This.

A large age gap is fine and all, consenting adults, but it's very important to make sure the relationship is actually healthy. It's also hard for me to imagine someone in their early twenties finding much in common with someone in their forties, which isn't important if the relationship is purely sexual, but on a romantic level compatibility is obviously needed. As long as you're both truly happy it's okay, just be safe and be good to yourself.

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I have had Daddy/babygirl relations with 18, 23, 40, and 50 year olds, so I know all about this!! A relationship works based off of mental maturity. People connect and work well together when they are the same mental age. I even found that some 40 year old men aren't mature enough for me to have a relationship with them. Age really doesn't define you or should hold you back from a relationship.

 

I have had a year officially in the scene (over 18). I did have a dd/bg relationship when I was underage with someone that was also underage for two years. We were the same age, both interested in the community, and grew together to understand it. I think that really helped me, so that once I was 18 officially, and once we broke off I would have enough knowledge to get into the scene with maturity. 

 

Before that relationship though, I had a relation with an 50 year old. I regret everything about that. He should've been mature enough to say, she is too young to make this decision, and I shouldn't take advantage of that. I know people try to just kick underage users out of this community, but instead, if they are interested we should educate them. We need to protect little girls, baby girls, little boys, etc that are under the age, so they aren't taken advantage of someone that is older than them.

 

Hope that helped xx

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Guest DominantBlogger

I think this is a question in which the answer will be specific to the individual.  My first experience with DDLG came when I was 21.  My partner at the time was 42 and she told me I should look into it because she thought I fit the profile.  I found it a natural fit for me and how I was interacting with her as my submissive.  However, there were many people who had a huge problem with a 21 year old 'kid' as Daddy to a 42 year old little.

 

To be fair, as I've gotten older I've found I have little patience for the 18-21 year old 'masters' and 'mistresses' who purport to have years of experience, as well.  But, as a member of the DDlg dynamic I've never questioned the ability for someone to be a little or a caregiver regardless of age.  Some people have personal preferences for specific age ranges in their partners.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But forcing those views on someone else's dynamic is wrong. 

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18 and 55 is a big difference and while 18 IS the age of consent, your brain isn't fully developed until you're in your 20's. a 55 year old could easily be taking advantage of a young girl. I'd say there would be issues. We can pretend age doesn't matter, but with a gap THAT big and 18 being so very young, it sort of does matter. I met my daddy when I was 19 and he was 27. Now I'm 25 and he's 33. That's an age gap that works....but 18 and 55....things get a little weird. That's just my opinion and what I have seen others go through.

Not to belittle (no pun intended) or dispute your comment, meaning I say this with all due respect and friendliness but in most places 16 is actually the age of consent. Not 18. 18 is the year you become legal and can be with anybody you want but at 16 you can consent. However you could be very tight about the development of the brain and I do believe that with an age gap that large it's definitely possible to be taken advantage of.

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Guest DominantBlogger

I confess i didn't read the full extent of the comments previous to posting before and I just want to point a few things out.  



If 18 is not mature enough to be in an adult relationship because the brain doesn't stop developing until one is in their 20s then I assume you are also in favor of restricting the legal age of adulthood until an age in one's 20s, as well.  I mean...  Obviously, if we are saying one does not have the mental capacity to take responsibility for their own actions in one situation they cannot be expected to act in an adult, responsible manner in other situations, either.  



I get that a lot of folks are skeeved out by the idea of a 50 year old with an 18 year old.  Lots of folks are/have been skeeved out by my 10 year age difference with my partner for the almost 4 years we've been together.  Two of my previous partners in which I was substantially younger (15 years, 21 years) there were constantly men telling her how I couldn’t possibly be mature enough for her.  It’s ok to be skewed out by DDlg in general..  Or ABDL... or any manner of things one might be involved in...  It's OK to be skeeved out...  



It is not ok to publicly ridicule someone's relationship you admittedly know nothing about simply because you do not understand how it works or feel it is not for you.  It is disgustingly rude...  ESPECIALLY ON A FORUM LIKE THIS.



Are there abuses sometimes with 50 year old men and 18 year old women?  sure...  Just like there are sometimes abuses with 50 year old women and 18 year old men.  Or 18 year old men and women.  Or 50 year old men and women.  or 35 year old men and women.  Abuse is abuse.  It knows no age.  For every reason you can think of that some 50 year old can manipulate an 18 year old I can give you two where someone their same age can do the same.  Does it make it right?  No...  Abuse will never be right...  But stop trying to justify it as "Oh, well of course she was taken advantage of...  He was so much older than her.”



I mean...  You realize how horribly misogynistic that is, ja?  I mean...  You are basically saying that an adult woman is not mentally equipped enough to take care of herself.  She is, by the definition of what you are saying, unequal and inadequate.  That she must be protected because she is inherantly unable to do so herself due to her gender.  I find that a very disturbing statement.  



I find equally disturbing the statement that one's maturity level is the indicator of a compatable mate.  As if age, maturity and sex are the only three factors in any dating pool.  



Again, it is perfectly acceptable for ANYONE to restrict their dating pool on whatever criteria they should choose.  It is NOT ok for ANYONE to start imposing their restrictive dating practices on someone else.  That takes many forms, not the least of which is publicly ridiculing anything that is not like you.



I honestly cannot express how disappointing it is to see the views expressed in this post.  I don’t know what else to say about it but I think I should unfollow this post.

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When I was 17-18, (17 being the age of consent in the state in question), I was inolved with a 44 year old man who was a 'dominant' to my submissive. Suffice to say that didn't work out for several reasons, and looking back on it now, I do question his motives in wanting to be with me. Even when considering I was extremely mature for my age... It always makes me question the motives of those involved when I see that age gap, (particularly women under 21-23, as life is very different until you start hitting mid-twenties), and I worry for the younger girl's mental health in the long wrong. That is my personal opinion.

 

I do think age differences closer to each other can work sometimes, but all in all, each relationship and each person is different, it's hard to say what may work for you or someone else when I am only in my own skin, with my own past experiences. I gravitate towards men in their late 30s to early 40s generally, though my Daddy now is only five years older than me, which sometimes I wonder if it would work better between us if he were older. I think that it's just a conditioning thing to think an older partner means that they're more mature, often times that's not the case...

 

;)

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This is always an interesting topic. What two consenting legal adults do, is always their own business as long as there is no sign of mental, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. I am a 27 year old Daddy and my little is 34. That's 7 year age gap and a little backwards than the "normal" DDlg parameters. (With the Daddy usually being older than the little) We met when I was 17, and she was 24. Now, living in the US that's not exactly the age of consent however physical actions didn't happen until I was legal. I digress. A large age gap only posses a problem when there isn't anything in common between the two people and when the mental maturity (or lack thereof) cannot handle it. As it was said already, you can be 18 and understand a relationship and you can be over 40 and have no clue how to be in a relationship. It's more so about the people, not the numbers. If you are happy, and he is happy, and you make each other happy especially outside of the bedroom, then by all means, be happy! 

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For playing? I don't really see age as that much of a problem.

 

But for a relationship then age gaps get really obvious and it takes loads of hard work to maintain something like that because the two people are in different stages of their lives and want different things. I'm not saying it's impossible I'm just saying it's much harder than say, two 25 year olds.

 

Plus I've had friends break up after relationships with major age gaps and they can completely break the younger person.

 

However if the person is say, 25-30 years old and dating someone older, it's much less of a problem because you've got the advanced emotional maturity and the possibility of it not being their 'first' major relationship.

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Both of my serious DD/bg relationships had an 8 year age gap.  In fact, that drove a big part of our dynamic, particularly with the second one.  We were in different stages in life, though a bit more similar than most with that size gap.  she was going through many of the trials and tribulations that I had at her age, and my experience overcoming them was an asset in helping to guide her.  It's not a huge difference, when compared to some, but it still raised eyebrows.  

 

And, it felt wholly natural and positive to me.

 

 

As for brain development, the changes that occur in the twenties are a different from those that occur in the teenage years.  Each stage of growth from the womb until end of life (yes the brain keeps "developing" until you die!) is associated with different major changes.  In childhood, many new connections are formed.  In the teen years, many excess connections get pruned.

 

In the late teens to early twenties the overall structure of the brain really doesn't change that much, the big difference is that the neurons get covered with a protective coating called myelin.  This is a really simplistic explanation, and I'm not a neuroscientist, but I like to think of the twenties as a "cementing" period rather than a "development" period.  In fact, this might be the reason why brain function slowly starts decreasing after 25 and we get all old and set in our ways.

 

This is often called a decrease in "plasticity," what's really going on is that a "fully matured brain" learns more slowly, thinks more slowly, or, rather, with more careful consideration :)

 

For the issue at hand, age difference, it's the knowledge, experience, and capability in the brain that is relevant to me, not the more vague idea of "fully developed."

 

It's really strange how much I've changed since that oft-spoken of age of 25, and a big part of why I enjoy and need the joy, wonder, and youthful energy of a little in my life.

 

I tend to go on a bit when something interests me :)

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I think may post my 0.2 although I am wary. 

 

I said before that as long as they are adults, age doesn't matter. I feel personally, that love knows no age (within reason). Right, now I am talking to a potential Daddy who is 40 years older than me, yes..40! It is obvious that he doesn't feel his age, so I think a persons "mental age" also plays a big part in age gaps.

 

While I would be with him in a DD/lg relationship, I would not be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him simply being is that I would like to grow old with my husband. However, I do not look down on people who are in marriages with large age gaps. Different things work for different people, and if they're happy that is all that really matters. It is sad to see how many close minded people there are, especially in the BDSM community.

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