Help me please!

[Guest AngelCat]

So I've been dating this guy for 2 months, (but I've known him for about 6) and I REALLY want to tell him about dd/lg and that I'm a little, but I'm so scared that he'll flip out. I really really like him & I don't want to scare him away. I also want to tell him that I love hm, but I'm just as scared to do that... PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[PrincessClara]

Just break it in gently. I mean, you've only known him 6 months and dating for 2 so you are still learning each other. I definitely recommend a vetting process that takes longer than that so you can really get to know each other. I would start by asking him if he knows about BDSM and if so what he knows etc. Then maybe discuss some of the branches off of BDSM like master/slave, DD/lg, pet play, etc and see what his reactions are to those things. When you talk about DD/lg see how he reacts and if he isn't appalled then just keep talking about it and see how he feels, then go from there.

At two months, I feel that you may not be in love so much as infatuated with him. Which is very common. I obviously can't tell you how you feel, but definitely take your time and don't rush into things so you don't get hurt.

 

I hope this helps!!

[Littlest_Lushie]

Definitely suggest the above! Word for word!

 

Also, if you're going to explain it to him- ask him to NOT google it. Just don't. He may see things that you aren't into (extreme stuff, diapers, etc.) and freak out even worse. Just tell him that this is different for everybody and then explain how YOU see it! Because the internet is full of lots of stuff and opinions. Tell him what it means to YOU and why YOU like it. Definitely break it in easy. And don't feel the need to rush anything- it is SO worth it. Please trust me. 

 

Also, explaining that it is helpful for anxiety is a big key point. Explaining that blankets make you cozy, and stuffies bring you comforting nostalgia. Makes more sense than, I just like pacis or cartoons because I just do. 

 

But, don't freak out. Keep calm and be willing to listen to him and compromise if need be.

Edited October 12, 2016 by Littlest_Lushie

[Guest ZenDD]

It's important when dating people that you begin a friendship first, of course. But you have put yourself into a backwards situation here; something that so many young people seem to do and then express here. It's too late to turn things back, but for future reference, it might benefit you to know this:

 

If DDlg is not an actual integral part of your identity and something that your relationships can contain or not (in other words not a "deal breaker" if it isn't a part of your relationships) then it probably doesn't matter at what stage you express to your partner/potential partner your interest in DDlg dynamics. You'd have nothing to lose either way. However, if it is an important, crucial part of your psychology and your relationship requirements then it is important that you don't begin romantic relationships without that knowledge being shared. It wouldn't be fair to you or the person you're interested in. It would actually be misleading not to share it, and beginning a relationship by misleading someone or oppressing your own needs and identity is not a good start. I hope you haven't done this, because that would mean that you've been dishonest for two months: dishonest to yourself, and to him. If DDlg is a deal-breaker to you, you can't be upset if he's not into it and feels you led him on. You'd have to understand his perspective, and honestly, he'd be right. He could feel that he invested emotionally into a relationship that had no real chance because he may not have been interested in pursuing a relationship with you if he knew he couldn't get on board with who you really are or what you are really about.

 

When we have reached the point that we would like to consider that a friendship expand into something else, and we entertain the thought of dating that person, that is the moment when your DDlg identity and needs should be expressed. If indeed a DDlg dynamic is important and necessary for you, then you should set a time where both of you can talk without interruption or time limit so you can discuss this matter. It's also important to give him the time to process this information, don't expect an immediate answer if he isn't ready to give you one. Neither of you should judge one another for your views on this issue either; be respectful and understanding of each other's perspectives.

 

On a separate note, telling someone you love them is something that should make you happy to say. Of course it can be nerve-wracking the first time it's revealed, but usually it doesn't come as a total surprise to the one receiving the revelation. If it feels right to express it, and it makes you happy to express it, then share it. That being said, you'd have to figure out if it would best be shared before or after you explain your DDlg interests/necessities. Good luck!

Edited October 12, 2016 by ZenDD

[Donatien]

I really really understand your concern. I was just in a situation like it. I do not know if it is more stigmatizing for a male or a female, or if there is no difference, but even though she told me in simple words that she was not into it, I kind of read between the lines that she was sort of revolted by it. Which is a really bad feeling. Not good to carry around. The method I have used with success though, is to show a tiny little piece of my daddy during sex. Then you get a hands on reaction so to speak. Take it very slowly is my advice. Baby steps. Insinuate rather than tell it all.

The very best of luck to you

[MorayDaddy]

I think I would have to echo that this depends on what being a little means to you.

 

If it is something that you enjoy, but is not an absolute necessity in a romantic relationship then introduce your partner to the idea slowly, explaining what it means to you and why you enjoy it. But be prepared to accept that he may not be interested, and may even find it 'icky', at which point you need to accept that and respect it without trying to push him towards it.

 

If being little is a fundamental part of you that you cannot live without, then you really need to establish that at the outset of a relationship, not a few months in.

I realise that can be very awkward, but if you need to be little in that way there is more than a fair chance that your little side expresses itself in your day to day life. Whether that be through a playful attitude or sense of humour, it is the kind of thing that someone who is naturally open to being a Daddy is likely to find endearing and extremely attractive, and could be a major part of the reason they are interested in you in the first place.

 

I hope that is some help, and good luck to you.