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How did you introduce Dd/lg into your relationship?


Littlemex
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Hi littles, I'm new to this.. Well you could say new to discovering that this is what type of person I am,

Ever since I was a little girl I was always attracted to the paternal type of man and as I have gotten older it has become more clear to me what makes me tick. Being a little just feels right it makes sense and I know who I am now. I have been researching for months now, I have been with my partner now for 4 years and I so badly want to tell him I am just scared (all part and parcel of being a little I suppose) already we are naturally like this he calls me his little girl & tells me I'm his good girl. - Sometimes he spanks me when I'm naughty but the thing is he has no idea about this style of relationship that I know of, so I am starting from scratch here!! We share two young children together and I love him so much, I don't want to leave him I want it to work but I also know that I need him to be a real daddy or it's not going to work.

Please please if you can give me any advice it would be muchly appreciated.

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Guest sightsoblind

Start with telling him I found this thing. I like it and I think you will like it too. It sounds like he could find it just as appealing as you. It may be something he wants but also doesn't know how to address. Put the kids to bed and pour two glasses of wine at the kitchen table. Have your sources and wants prepared and be ok with an Inital no or maybe let me think about it. If you tell him "Do this or I'm gone' then your being manipulative. Do it healthy. Tell him I want you to think about it because I feel as if I need it please give it a chance because this is scarry to me. Give him a chance to say yes first!

 

It really sounds in your situation you have a Daddy who just doesn't know he wants to be one!

 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...

 

(I'm a full time little theese days and my Daddy gave me a firm NO when I first asked. Don't be afraid of no just understand it's a longer road than maybe.)

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Thankyou so much amazing advice I feel a bit more sane, I always imagine daddies and littles meet with there sexuality established already which is so more easy but no so real life for me as I have only found my little self with him if that makes any sense.. I have hope!

Thankyou X

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Guest sightsoblind

Little selves are very mysterious and shy beasties. They can hide for years until they feel safe to come out then

*PEEK*

Hey there princess where have you been?

Waiting for my Daddy in shining armor!

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You sound like you're in a similar situation as I was in the beginning.

I had called him Daddy, long before we established the DDlg dynamic, and he was already nurturing.

 

I had told him that I was interested in that being a bigger part of the relationship after I found out about the lifestyle.

And it took a while. He wanted it to work but either he or I would keep doing things against it. I had trouble listening to him at first. And he had trouble being okay with having to open up more and let me open up more.

 

So I had him make me rules one night. And we tried that for a little while.

 

But then we wrote out together our expectations, and that worked a lot better.

 

This is that list:

That's a tough one.

For a while I had to explain to Daddy what I wanted, so I kinda know your pain.

The thing that started to make it more real was helping him create rules. (Which we both fail to follow well but w/e.)

Maybe ask him how he really feels about it, and explain if he's interested in trying it (Because sadly, ddlg lifestyle isn't for everyone, but if you can get him to try properly that's better than nothing!) that you'd like some rules you'd have to follow.

 

We also wrote this out together, which is more of how it actually works, so maybe try doing the same with him.

 

What Daddy should do for his little Prince/Princess.
1.    Help me brush my hair.
2.    Help me pick out clothes and food.
3.    Make me food sometimes, because I do for you ^_^
4.    Take bathies with me sometimes, and showers with me most of the time.
5.    Hold my hand.
6.    Call me my preferred words: little, princess, prince, fairy, etc. And use the right pronouns. Ask if you're confused!
7.    Give me treats when I'm good.
        -Snacks
        -Walks
        -Baths
        -Tea/Milkie
        -Massages
        -Kissies and huggies
        -Bednight stories
        -Anything to make me smile
     8.      Punish me when I'm bad
        -Spankings (but please don't rack up the number, do them as soon as I'm bad)
        -Sentences (like "I'm sorry I drank all the tea," for example, 20 times or so)
    9.      Praise me when I do good. No matter how small the good thing is.
    10.    Leave me little surprise notes or send me nice little texts when I'm gone.
    11.    Don't make threats. Punish me if I'm bad, but don't take away things or hurt me         
              because you're mad.
    12.    Always do bed night.
    13.    Never lose your temper because your day is going bad. I'm truly sorry it's bad, but I do
              what I can to help Daddy. I'm very sensitive when I'm in little space and I will cry.
    14.    Please take of boo-boos. Clean and kiss them.
    15.    Help me with chores. Doggy, laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. I do so much to help
              Daddy, so please help me too.
    16.     Let me lay on you and sit on you. :>
    17.     Always treat me with respect. To be your little is a great sign of trust. I respect you and
               let myself be vulnerable and sensitive around you. Don't treat that lightly.
    18.     If I'm sad I like hugs and kisses and pets and nice words. Please calm me down nicely
              and cheer me up.
    19.     Littles need to know they are loved, always.
    20.     Always be honest with me.
    21.     Littles need lots of sleep, please let me sleep when I'm tireddddd.
    22.     Always ask little how they are feeling.
    23.     Respect me sexually and spend time with me after sexy time.
    24.     Us time is important. And it happens every day. And no phones, laptops, or gaming
               systems are to interfer, ever.
    25.     If I'm being a brat, I want attention.
    26.     I wanna have fun when we have alone time. Please allow me to do what I want.
    27.     Don't ever break promises, ever.

What I will do for Daddy:
1.    I will get excited when daddy gets home or wakes up.
2.    I will wake Daddy up nicely and in a good mood. And more than likely excited. Sometimes with sexy time.
3.    I will make Daddy tea and food if I feel up to it. (Please don't get mad at me if I don't feel up to it.)
4.    I will listen to Daddy's rules. Please make them reasonable.
5.    I will help Daddy with chores and bathies and showers. I just can't do it all though.
6.    I will spend time apart from Daddy.
7.    I will always call you Daddy when I am alone with you.
8.    I will respect and trust you whole heartedly.
9.    I will give Daddy wonderful sexy time. I love giving making him feel very good.
10.    I will love Daddy and give him gifts.
11.    I will dress up pretty for you, if you want.

 

Just tell him how interested you are, and explain everything the best you can!

 

Good luck.

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It really occurred naturally in my relationship as a progression of the relationship itself. I've been told before that there is something about my personality and my appearance (I am very petite and dress little girl like) that arouses protective instincts in my partner.  I had made my interest in Lolita and older men clear from the beginning and I suppose we diverged into a sexual dd/lg dynamic (collars, spankings, asking permission to do things, having him undress me every night etc.) from the start but that began to fade as our very relationship truly exemplified the dynamic.

 

I began to notice that he genuinely delighted in taking care of me, babying me, and guiding me as an individual. From there, I subtly began to encourage him to do so. I felt more comfortable to act like a child and he felt more comfortable to express his pleasure when I did. In fact, I noticed it seemed to calm him and give him a sense of importance when I acted this way. We've never really discussed the dynamic thouroughly for it just occurs naturally between our personalities. He feels his purpose is to nurture/spoil me, and I love to receive that nurture and to return nurture through taking care of our home, etc.

 

We recently discussed how it always seemed off for either of us to refer to the other as their 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' for the term seems strange and doesn't embody what we are to each other. I think it's that sense of needing more than vanilla terminologies that resonates with this dynamic and doing things that don't necessarily fit into the vanilla dynamic. (Most pointedly, I remember we were once at dinner with his parents and he just naturally reached for my plate and started cutting my steak.) 

 

It took a long time for us to reach a level where he naturally began to refer to me as 'baby' or 'little bear' and I referred to him as papa bear but once we did, we couldn't believe that we ever didn't do such a thing. It wasn't so much a matter of 'Hey, this is what I want' but more 'Oh, I have picked up on your signals and I am responding in kind.' (It helps when you are receptive to your partner in general. A daddy needs to always know what his little girl needs, even when she isn't saying it.)

 

Now, I freely make charts, talk about the site, playing with our future children 'as a child myself' and so on. I think it's better when the relationship sets its own parameters rather than going in with a strict idea of what you want. Though I knew I was a little, I wasn't set on integrating the concept full force. Very slowly, I would introduce little things, (wearing a collar, showing him my tumblr, using my childlike voice) and see how he responded. If it was positive, then I would continue. This dynamic is built on high levels of trust so I believe it's natural that it moves slowly and builds up over time. 

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For me I had already began my training as a pet, so I had the hardest part out of the way which tends to be telling your partner that you're interested in BDSM (D/s specifically). At the time though, I had found our agreed title for Him, "Master" to be too formal. It was also ruined for me by my ex so we began to brainstorm different names.

 

I brought up Daddy, which was a title he was already aware of, since we both followed a girl named Kittyrot who called her Dom "Daddy", however we had no idea what the DD/lg dynamic was at the time until I Googled it. The community on Tumblr was either almost non-existant or so little, that I was only able to follow a handful as my journey started. I remember KinkyCasey was one of my first. I came across a site that talked about Daddy Doms and babygirls that explained the roles and characterists of both and I realized that we both matched it to a T.

 

So I showed Him the website and told Him that I wanted to call Him Daddy instead of Master. He was a little hesitant at first because of the connotations around the name, but he said yes and eventually he opened up to it. From there we kind of changed my training as well, finding more ways for me to be okay with my inner littles and let her free here and there.

Do you by any chance remember the website?

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Really appreciate all the advice, and just can't tell you how much better I feel after telling him and showing him. He said he always knew anyway, we had the most magical night ever and I am finally comfortable with his blessing to continue to find my little self! This forum is great so informative, I didn't realise there were so many other people like me!
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& Xia the list really helped me make my own one, thankyou. You are all right I don't expect for things to all happen straight away, I'm glad I made the decision to tell him though because now I feel it's something we both want and not just me alone!
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& Xia the list really helped me make my own one, thankyou. You are all right I don't expect for things to all happen straight away, I'm glad I made the decision to tell him though because now I feel it's something we both want and not just me alone!

Glad to help! :>

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It was called something like babygirlsndaddydoms.com or something like that. I got an email from them in February saying they were shutting down. It had some really good reads so it's a shame. :(

They changed to DDandbabygirls.com 

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My daddy and I have only been in this dynamic for around a year, and we've been together for around 6 years.

 

I've always had a bit of little girl in my personality. I already loved to color, loved stuffed animals, baby talked...

I discovered DD/lg on Tumblr one day and just looked some stuff up about it. I did my research. I always tell Daddy everything, so I told him that I was looking into it because it seemed interesting and because it fit the way that I felt about myself anyway. I explained it to him the best that I could. He was a little weirded out at first and said that he didn't think he could ever do it. He apologized. I kept showing him things about it because I still thought it was cool even though he said we probably would never do it.

So, randomly, one day, Daddy suggested that if I were so into it, that maybe we try it out sexually. Because I was already into being submissive and he was already into being dominant. We found out that we enjoyed it.

I basically just started working some more things into his view (through Tumblr and sending him links) about the dynamic Eventually we talked about what it would mean to put it into our relationship as a whole, and Daddy decided to try it for me. Turns out he's a natural and he really really enjoyed it. He was already really nurturing to me and stuffs, so it wasn't that big of a stretch all in all. We worked together on rules for me. We've had tons and tons of different drafts of those rules, and we're still trying to figure it out even after a year, but we love it. :)

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Guest Pouty Kitten

My Daddy and I started out vanilla but we were already kinky to begin with. I stumbled upon a few blogs and did some research on BDSM and explored the dynamics. When I came across DD/lg, it immediately stuck out to me so I found really great articles and put them together in an e-mail for him to read. Daddy agreed to change our dynamic and we've never been happier :)

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I was nervous to tell him at first. I was scared he would leave me.

 

But we sat down one night and I told him how I felt and what I was reading about. He just smiled, patted my head, and said he was willing to learn with me about DDlg.:)

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Daddy and I have known each other since high school. We dated briefly a couple years after we graduated. After that he ended up being my best friend. We had the weirdest best friend relationship ever, pretty sure most best friends don't regularly act like a couple or regularly have sex. Lol. Looking back our relationship has ALWAYS been very Daddy/girl-esque. He's always been very nurturing, protective, guiding, etc and I've always been well, little, though I didn't know it at the time. We were both kinky, though me a lot more than he was. For a long time I was very embarrassed by what I called then, my "Daddy thing" and was terrified to even mention it to Daddy because I thought he'd be grossed out. Funny thing, Daddy and I were talking one night about things we were into but didn't talk about and I told Daddy I liked calling men "Daddy" in bed. And Daddy ran with that. It started out as an occasional thing, he'd call himself "Daddy" in a dirty text or I'd slip and call him "Daddy" during sex. Almost out of nowhere Daddy really uped the ante and it started being an all the time thing during sex or sexting. Which was great! Super hot but I wanted more. I'd discovered DDlg and really wanted everything that came with it. I'd been reading and daydreaming for a long time about having a Daddy Dom. The more I read though I started realizing that Daddy would be a natural. So one night after we'd had a particularly hot sext session, complete with lots of Daddy stuff I randomly asked him if he'd be my Daddy. He laughed until he realized I was serious. He asked what I meant and I plucked up the courage to explain this dynamic and what it meant. He had a bunch of questions simply because he was misinfored that I did my best to answer. He got quiet for a little while and I mentally prepared for him to think I was an absolute freak. I figured calling him "Daddy" in bed was one thing but this dynamic is a whole other can of worms. Especially for someone who's more vanilla than not. To my surprise and delight he said he didn't have a clue what he was doing but he'd give it a hell of a go and would love to be my Daddy. We didn't end up getting back together in a romantic sense until a couple months later. So really, I introduced this dynamic BEFORE we had an "official" relationship. Haha. We're both still really new to all of this and I'm leading the way in a lot of it but I'm not at all disappointed. He's a natural just like I thought he would be. ♡
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I wasn't really sure about what Ddlg was, but I had always wanted to call my boyfriend Daddy, I did behave quite like a little girl since the beggining of the relationship (and even in other relationships) and one day I just texted him, I don't think I could have said that to his face, that I wanted to call him Daddy. The day I told him I started researching more about Ddlg and he did as well, he said that he had been nurturing and spoiling me since a long time before I told him, so he didn't see a problem in making our relationsip a Ddlg one. It was a very natural process.

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Daddy is 15 yesrs older than me. He couldn't help but demonstrate a lot of Fatherly actions and finally I called him Daddy and it clicked. We embraced it fully.
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  • 2 months later...

There was no complicated discussion. I think she was ready before I approached her with the idea. I wrote her a piece of erotica in which I gave an outline of what I wanted from her and what I was offering in return, including a collar.

She now insists that I own her and is becoming accustomed to being my Kitten. Soon, her first collar will arrive, (a non-conventional piece that she is able to wear at the office), and the thought of it makes her eyes shine.

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  • 2 months later...
Anybody have suggestions of how to introduce this to a girlfriend of two years in a vanilla relationship? Use of handcuffs sometimes but not often enough. I've got a kinky mind and she knows I want to try wilder things but I get the feeling she will not. How can I create a little from someone vanilla?
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I've expressed some of my fantasies in the past and she gave me a smile and said oh that's kinky and said she is willing to try. But that was almost a year ago and now I feel strange if I try to bring it up because it has been so long. I'm looking mainly for suggestions of how I can introduce this concept again after so long. She does have characteristics of a little already and needs special care and attention from me already. Do you have any ideas of how I can explore this with her as it would be something new to both of us. She means the world to me and I always put her needs desires first and I would like to share this appropriately with her. Only experience together so far are with cuffs role playing. I've bought bondage tape a year ago and haven't used it yet together. I mentioned it in passing the other day and she said it is so weird I bought it. The tone confused me as I'm not sure if she was literal or if she meant it in a playful manner. Any and all suggestions and help are appreciated.
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From my point of view there is two ways. Either you talk to her about it, what it is and what its not. Or you can just slide things in.

It seems to me that she is a little bit shy, and maybe she would be freaked out by this because since she haven't explored this possible side of her yet she doesn't know how she would response to it either.

Like in CBT you talk about how peoples feelings change when you let them experience new things. Like if you are afraid of snakes. Just talking about that fear isn't gonna do much difference. But if you start with looking at pics of snakes, pet a toy snake and then a real one, you give them experiences that they didn't had before. And the feelings they have about snakes will change.

So I would suggest that you can start to act more like a daddy and treat her more like a little girl, and see how she is reacting to that. If she seems to like it, do it some more and then talk to her. Then, if she is a little, she will understand it better because she has a first hand experience on how good it make her feel.

 

Like when daddy and I met. We didn't know anything about ddlg, we started out as just pure d/s. I wouldn't have understood it either if he had just talked about it, I thought that I was just a sub.

But then one time when we where having sex I accidentally screamed "daddy"(have NO idea where that came from) and it turned him on like nothing else. After that I for some reason started acting more like a child and he loved it (still didn't know anything about ddlg) and he more and more like a daddy. After some weeks I found something on instagram I think, about ddlg and was like " OK, so THIS is what we are doing" haha.

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Or when we first started dating I asked him to slap me in my face, because I love it. Well.. He was freaked out about it, it wasn't anything he would ever do. Because there is something wrong with men who hit women. And since it wasn't anything wrong with him,he couldn't hit me. I didn't ask him about it again.

Some time went by and I did some nice things for him, like cleaned his house (much needed, it looked like shit), took care of his kids and so on. He said that he was so grateful and that he should do something for me in return. I said no, that I wasn't interested in anything, and that I wasn't interested in even a simple thank you. I did it because I saw that he desperately needed it and that I just wanted him to be happy. But he kept pushing that he wanted to do something for me, so I said OK.. Slap me then. And he did. And of course he loved it haha.

I hadn't asked him to do that if I didn't had known that he would be into it. He had no idea about how sadistic he is because he had never explored that side of him. To me it was obvious.

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  • 3 months later...
I have just discovered this new relationship dynamic and I'm very interested... I have a boyfriend for almost 3 years now and we're mostly vanilla but have tried a few fun things out that we both liked but I initiated (very awkwardly and scary and i still dont know really how he felt about parts). I am not sure if ddlg would work for him, even though he kind of acts like a daddy sometimes. He likes watching kid movies with me, he even bought me a coloring book and wonderful markers once! We have talked a little about our future and he has expressed that he would like to support me in my artistic inclinations someday so that I wouldn't have to have a job but I think he would view that more as me being a housewife and less like the idea of me being a "little"... I know every big/little relationship is unique and should be designed to fit the couple, I'm just not sure the best way to go about asking for it without freaking him out. He's very traditional when it comes to life choices and can be close-minded at times, even though I have definitely experienced some out-of-the box moments with him, which are my favorite and I cherish!! I am thinking I should just try to work some elements into alone-time slowly, but not sure the best way to go about it, especially without his guidance which i really really want! Has anyone else gone through this? Any tips or advice? Especially from daddies who never would have chosen this life until their (girlfriend) little explained/asked for it?
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi everyone,

 

I feel really excited to write about this because the prospect of introducing DDlg to my boyfriend seems like a great idea.

 

He is 12 years older than me, has kids, and has a natural fatherly vibe that even other people pick up on.  Throughout our time dating, he has done and said things to me that have really incites my fantasies......  Some examples are calling me "baby girl" when he is being cuddly and sweet, or "little girl" when he is pretending to be angry with me.  The way he pulls me in for a hug, or plays with my hair reminds me of the way he is affectionate with his youngest daughter.  One time, he randomly mentioned he would read me a bed time story, but nothing has come of that yet. A DDlg friend of mine said that she didn't think someone disinterested in DDlg would even think of doing that.

 

I'm just trying to gauge his potential interest in this sort of thing before I bring it up to him.  Does anyone else think that these are good signs?

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