Rebuilding trust

[blegoo]

Hi everyone. So I've made a big mistake recently and I hurt my little and broke her trust. This isn't some minor thing. When I say big mistake I mean BIG mistake. We ended up breaking up because of it but now we are back together but she is having trouble trusting me again. It's reasonable after what I did, and I can't say what it was so please don't ask. I sincerely mean it when I won't ever lie again but it isn't that easy to gain trust back. I really hurt her and we are trying to see what we can do to fix it. So I'm asking advice from any of you on what we can do to rebuild our trust; especially for any of you that have been in a similar situation.

[DeathMetalPrincess]

I honestly don't know how to help, unless you and your little talk it through and work things out. If it's a cheating thing, which I will not assume that it is, then that affects your little very much. If you are serious about your little and you really want to be her caregiver, you need to talk to her and work it out as best as possible. It's honestly just going to take time. Once a foundation of trust has been broken, it's very hard for future engagements in trust to be maintained. My final verdict is to give your little the time she needs and try to work it out as best as possible. Littles can be very needy and dependent on their caregivers. We need to know we can trust our caregivers.

[blegoo]

It's not cheating fortunately. It was more of a secret that I was too afraid to tell her about to put it simply. Sorry if I'm sounding cryptic but I don't really have a choice. I agree that time will heal wounds but I'm worried it might not be the case.

[Princess-P]

Time does not actually heal everything. If she's very hurt it may never be something she can forget or forgive. Sometimes thats OK. Sometimes we can continue to love someone who has hurt us. And sometimes we think we can, we try, and in the end it doesn't work.

 

Trust is huge. In any relationship. And no matter what you do, even if you do EXACTLY what she tells you she needs you to do to earn it back, you just might not be able to.

 

Best thing to do is communicate about it. Dont try to move past it or forget about it. Because its always going to be there. In the back of both your minds. Dont ignore it or it will blow up someday. Talk about it. Openly and honestly and for however long or as often as you need to.

 

Remember that every action you make will always trigger a reaction because of that broken trust. Even if she forgives you. It will always be a reminder to her. People can often forgive but never forget.

 

I'm not saying its hopeless. Just that if she's really that hurt, and even if she's agreed to come back to you, its going to be 10 times more work then it was before and be prepared that after all your effort, and continuous effort, it may not ever be the same relationship it once was.

[Enigma]

So I can actually say that I've done this before myself. I won't say what I did, but I ended up in the same position as you where he gave me a second chance. All I can tell you is that the best thing you can do is make it clear and apparent that you won't make the same mistake twice and leave it at that. I've only ever had one Little, which is my current one, but my experience says that Littles are very sensitive. It's easy to hurt their feelings and they don't forgive easily.

 

Cg/l relationships are built on trust, and betraying that trust in any sort is a hard thing for a Little to get over. If it was a lie you told or a secret you kept, realize that doing so in the future will eventually get discovered and the longer you hide something, the worse it will get. 

 

The best thing you can do is just to give it time and ensure you never do it again, because if you do, she'll remember this.

[blegoo]

Thanks, you've all given really good advice. I'll try to always be honest and see if time heals the wound

[Guest Princessaj]

HI, thanks for trusting us to give you feedback.

 

Maybe you want to go to couples counseling?

It might be a very active way to not only care for her wound and also work on your relationship over all.

 

Perhaps you want to write her a love letter including your apology and your hopes for the future?

Frame it, wrap it and give it as a present she can read every day on her wall.

 

Do you have a contract with your little in your DDlg relationship? It is a document that both parties

have to agree on each point. You can search the site for some threads about this. If you are making

an effort, a preventative measure, your actions will speak louder than words.

 

Hugs

[MonteCristo]

It's impossible to give proper advice without knowing the details, so I'd suggest divulging the details to someone you're close with and taking their advice.

[jaredstone363]

Trust is earned, not given. You made a mistake, we all do, we're human. It sounds like you took responsibility for what you did, which is huge of you. All you can do now is keep working to earn her trust back again, it's going to take time, and she might not ever trust you 100% again. 

[blegoo]

Things weren't working out and we decided to break up. We decided the relationship was not repairable. I feel awful ):

Edited May 4, 2017 by blegoo

[MonteCristo]

It's very hard to reintroduce trust that has been lost. But keep your chin up, someone will come along who is just right for you.

[Princess-P]

Usually when trust is broken it cannot be repaired. So breaking up is generally for the best. Take this as a learning experience and be honest the nest time around.