TheDaddyest Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 Last night I found out my little is going to end up in rehab again for anorexia. I worked so hard to try and help her over these months. She want's a break. She knows she will be in the hospital for many months and wont be able to leave or do anything like have privileges because she refuses to go willingly. I'm shaking. I'm so upset anxious and disappointed. She lied to me.. again. She avoided me for at least a week and a half. I can't help her as much as I want being on a different continent. We were fixing ourselves together. I've been working on getting healthy and trying hard to help my chronic pain situation. I could type so much fucking more about the hope she gave me the connection we had (or have I don't know which anymore...). Despite all the super shitty parts of our relationship like not being able to Skype for even an hour a day and most days not being able to at all, and the 14 hour timezone difference, and the 7 year age gap that meant her moving to america would take anywhere from 2 to about 7 or 8 years I has actually so content. I was lonely of course. But with all my mental and physical health issues finding someone who can bring a genuine smile to my face, or laugh genuinely was so rare it was almost impossible. And finding someone who's mere existence in my life could motivate me to work as hard as I have been to get better was actually impossible. I even changed the way I fundamentally conducted myself as a Daddy because she was the first little I have ever had to need so much structure and I needed to be a firmer daddy. You guys don't know this about me but I have a pretty high sex drive. It's not purely sexual obviously with my little but being intimate is something I love and crave from my little often. I never thought I'd be able to make it work with someone who couldn't do those things on a regular basis after we both got comfortable with each other and the relationship progressed. I won't go into the detail to why or how but in the end we experimented once or twice naturally and it was great but circumstances made that part of us be put on hold for an indeterminate amount of time. And you know what, I actually surprised myself by being ok with it. I know it sounds like I thought I was some sex crazed asshole but I guess yeah I did think that. It was super nice to uncover I was a better more understanding daddy than I knew. She told me I could find a second little to be with because I was so lonely way in the begining of our relationship. I have been poly before. And It's kind of a huge rush and a big ego boost to be a daddy with 2 or 3 littles. But It's not what I wanted. I have been half looking around but at the end of the day, if the offer came, I know I would have turned it down. I'm going to lose her. I blame myself. I had a responsibly as a daddy to keep her safe and happy and I couldn't. I'm so sorry. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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