Discovered can't have kids, not sure about ddlg relationship

[Sweet-Cinnamon]

I have been with my Daddy for 3 years and in that time we've gotten married. I always thought I would have children and be a mom, it was a big part of my future and identity. Now I have come to understand that because of my physical and mental illnesses I can not carry, adopt, or properly care for a child. This has affected me severely and I'm feeling lost and broken.

 

That all being said, we have paused our DDlg relationship (at least the names and little space sessions) until I feel comfortable. I don't know how to move forward and embrace this part of my life without feeling awful every time I try to get into little space or call him Daddy.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to continue my DDlg relationship and not give up something that has been very therapeutic in the past?

[BabySwe]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through cinnamon. I can definitely relate to your wish to have children, it has been my dream since I was a teenager and took care of my much younger siblings to the point where they called me mom, and I have always felt like life will be empty if I never get any. I do however doubt I will ever have it, due to age and poor choice in partners.

When I found DDlg I felt like that filled part of the hole in me. I also (and this might seem silly to some) have a dog that I love very very much, and treat as my baby But finding an identity when you've been so sure of the one you've pictured for years is very difficult. Maybe it is good for you to mourn it, be in little space and cry? Allowing yourself to mourn can be a good way of accepting it so you can move on and still have the part of your relationship that means so much to you. Sometimes avoiding something only increases the connection you make between your new situation and DDlg, to a point where you can't go back to it in the future without being overwhelmed. I am however a strong believer in facing things head on, and this might not be the right way for you Just remember that it is expected to feel awful and bad after something like this. It is a BIG chance in your life and a big loss to you, and you need to find something in your life to fill that loss. Don't expect things to be perfect for a while, allow yourself to feel pain, and then that will slowly heal. Life can definitely be great without children too, and hopefully one day you will feel that

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

Cinnamon, first, let me send you tons of hugs, infertility is a bastard, no matter what the cause. Zen had the right idea...take time to mourn, not just that you won't have children, but also that you won't experience many of the small things; the first day of school, teaching them how to ride a bike, then drive, etc. it's okay to be sad & its okay to hurt. Have you ever seen a toddler just melt down without knowing why? Use your little space to do that. If you're not comfortable calling him Daddy, let him comfort you like a Daddy would. Chances are, he's mourning the loss as well.