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Switching


ronja

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So, I know this might be a little weird, but me and my boyfriend are new to ddlg.

We started off with me as a little and him as a dom, but around 3 weeks go we 'switched'.

Now I'm the dom.

I find this really hard, because I don't really know how to be 'dominant' like making sure he follows the rules and those things.

 

If you have any tips for me to be more of a dom, I would love if you share them here!

Thanks an love,

 

Ronja

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Put a routine, rules, regulations, anything agreed on to paper for you both to see.

 

Dint hesitate to slew love and affection

 

Discipline when required but always do it when not mad.

 

Make a chore list

 

Approve of things he can or can't watch alone, what he can watch when you are there.

 

What he can eat, but to eat, do while it and about. Things he can wear.

 

Have him check in with you periodically through the day so you know he is safe.

 

 

Just some ideas from a fellow switch.

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Sorry, I'm a sub so I don't have any tips, but I don't exactly get the feeling that you're excited to do this. I just wanted to tell you to make sure that this is really something that you want to do. If you're uncomfortable with it, you should definitely tell him about it.

 

Also, maybe you could ask him what he would want in a dom. Sit down as equals and talk about what you want from each other. Him telling you "oh I really like ___" could help you learn what to do in the future. Alsoalso, you could always think of how YOU would want to be treated and then treat him that way.

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Guest qtpie
You don't sound like you're a switch. It's more like the role has been forced to you, which isn't very nice. You should talk to your SO about it and make things clear. It has to happen naturally, being a dom or sub is part of someone's personality.
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Gonna have to agree that you don't sound excited about the switch. If it doesnt come natural to you theres really no way to force it. I often take on the role of caregiver in a platonic manner with some littke friends of mine, but I am no dom and don't wish to be. It's important that you consent to and take pleasure in the roll. Otherwise, whats the point?
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Sorry, I'm a sub so I don't have any tips, but I don't exactly get the feeling that you're excited to do this. I just wanted to tell you to make sure that this is really something that you want to do. If you're uncomfortable with it, you should definitely tell him about it.

 

Also, maybe you could ask him what he would want in a dom. Sit down as equals and talk about what you want from each other. Him telling you "oh I really like ___" could help you learn what to do in the future. Alsoalso, you could always think of how YOU would want to be treated and then treat him that way.

 

Heyy, I was just new on this website when i posted this and wanted to be formal and everything haha

so that's why it doesn't sound like i'm very enthousiast (plus this is kinda hard for me to express on social media)

 

Thanks for the tips!

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Put a routine, rules, regulations, anything agreed on to paper for you both to see.

 

Dint hesitate to slew love and affection

 

Discipline when required but always do it when not mad.

 

Make a chore list

 

Approve of things he can or can't watch alone, what he can watch when you are there.

 

What he can eat, but to eat, do while it and about. Things he can wear.

 

Have him check in with you periodically through the day so you know he is safe.

 

 

Just some ideas from a fellow switch.

 

Thanks! i find this really helpful! Might discuss a chore list later with him today

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Gonna have to agree that you don't sound excited about the switch. If it doesnt come natural to you theres really no way to force it. I often take on the role of caregiver in a platonic manner with some littke friends of mine, but I am no dom and don't wish to be. It's important that you consent to and take pleasure in the roll. Otherwise, whats the point?

 

I am excited, it's just complicated to express feelings through social media/internet, i like to be formal with strangers

 

we discussed this very well, and i have this natural very caring thing/attitude (idk what it's called) towards him, so we decided to try.

The last days it really improved, he feels very little and i love making him excited and caring for him

 

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I am excited, it's just complicated to express feelings through social media/internet, i like to be formal with strangers

 

we discussed this very well, and i have this natural very caring thing/attitude (idk what it's called) towards him, so we decided to try.

The last days it really improved, he feels very little and i love making him excited and caring for him

 

I'm glad to hear that you're excited about it instead of what I initially thought!! I hope all goes well :3

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I don't know if I'm the only one but when I'm feeling 'subby' the turn-on is the lack of control over what I'd normally be able to choose for myself. Like what I'll eat or wear being dictated to me. But that's only half of it. The other half of my excitement is not just having my freedom restricted but knowing that there's consequences if I balk at it. Knowing that if I give her grief I will, legitimately, have to deal with some kind of repercussion. A spanking or early bedtime, whatever. Knowing that it isn't just a silly half-hearted game is a real draw for me. I guess that's because when I'm 'subby' I need that stability in my life right then. I need things to be black and white and comprehensible. 

 

Having said all that, I'm mostly a Dominant Daddy. So, why did I even go into all that? Well, your sub wants your authority for one reason or another. They need it. So, try different "authority" techniques with your sub. Try using different tones of voice, aftercare, playtime, punishments, etc. etc. and watch how your sub reacts to each one. Pretty quick you'll pick-up on what methods really get your sub in the right frame of mind. You'll learn their 'sub style'. When you see yourself making your sub happy, it makes you feel good about yourself and comfortable in your role as the dominant. 

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