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Fear of rejection


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Ok,so as a woman I have my insecurities. As a little I tend to be shy and I tend to be reserved (just for the first time,then I go crazy..like sugar rush crazy).

I was in a relationship for 3 years now,and he knew about me being a submissive and he accepted it and was ready to embrace it..I actually told him that back when I was into the BDSM before I discovered that it was not for me,and someone pointed me towards DDlg. And boom, I found myself.so I was scared to tell my boyfriend directly ,so I started to drop a thing or two into our conversations,note we are in a LDR since he is back home in Australia, and we only see each other once a year due to my work. Anyway, he made fun of the whole thing and made it into a really creepy kink. Which broke my heart and also I found it weird since he accepted the BDSM and even started researching how he could help me and understand me,even considered being my dom.

Any ways ,after that I just felt rejected and ridiculed even before I said anything..somehow we grew apart ,he started to be distant which kills if you are already physically far ..then we had to take time away from each other, I actually thought we ended.

Now he is back into my life ,asking us to have a real conversation..I want to tell him to see if he really ready to accept me for who I am,or is he going to end up hurting me by his words and ridiculing.

He is my first real relationship,and we really considered marriage too..but I am too scared of him rejecting the little princess in me,which I know if happens would kill a part of my soul.

Any advice?

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Guest Kitkat47756

It seems like you need to have a real heart-to-heart with him. Ddlg is a lot of work and its not just going to fall into place on its own if you don't talk to him. Try not to get upset about his concerns, as he may have a misguided view of our community. Explain clearly that Ddlg is NOT about sexual attraction to children. Also, explain to him what you're like when your little. He may be thinking you're going to regress to infancy when really you only regress to early childhood. Or, he may be thinking you want to act like a 5 year old and you really want to act like an infant. I don't know. Just be sure to be very clear about everything you want him to understand, and take time to work through your thoughts before you try to express them to him. If he can't accept or compromise with you in a way that will make you both happy, you might want to reconsider whether this relationship is right for you. Best of luck :)

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As one who was one who didn't understand initially and who is still learning (and will be throughout the course of life), I agree with KitKat.  Have not just the long conversation, have a great number of them.  Do not rush into this, but take the time to truly understand and hear each other.  Address fears and expectations.  It took me years to grow past my issues and misunderstandings concerning the ddlg community.  I'm not suggesting it will take him near as long, but it will take him time.  Let me suggest that you want it to take him time.  This will give both of you the time you need to grow both individually and together.  My first experience with my little was (if I can self-evaluate) very positive to both of us.  The very next one was one that left her frustrated and unheard and left me feeling like an utter failure. Without the strong foundation we built over time, that second experience would have killed our relationship.  But that foundation is in place.  Because of it, we not only survived, but we are growing way past it and looking forward to a tremendous future together.  


Fear is natural because trust requires vulnerability.  Build a foundation through deep, intentional  (and often awkward) conversations.  When that foundation is strong enough, move forward.  I wish you and yours the very best.

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