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How Do You Deal With Unsupportive Friends?


minahbird

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I have a best friend that I've been pretty much inseparable from (online) for about 4 years. People keep thinking we're dating because we're so close and because wherever you see one of us online, the other will be there, but he's engaged and our relationship is purely platonic (and afaik, neither of us has considered dating the other, and in fact I helped him plan his proposal to his gf). I'll call him B for the sake of ease of reference.

 

After a discussion with a friend a couple weeks ago, I realised I was little and I was thrilled to finally understand something about myself that's always confused me. As I do with almost everything, I told B. He didn't exactly react the way I thought he would. Normally, he's open minded about everything, supportive, and listens to everything I need to tell him. Not this time.

 

I told him about the whole little thing, and his first reaction was 'they're coming up with some crazy names for mental disorders nowadays' and ever since I told him, he jokes around, asking how the search for 'a kinky grandpa' is going. I've never known him to be like that, and frankly it hurt. He claims that it was sarcasm, but I don't know whether to believe him or not. Since then, I've been feeling like I can't trust him properly, and I don't dare tell him anything about the latest developments, as much as I want to, and it feels like I'm losing my best friend.

 

How do you guys deal when someone doesn't take the news as well as you'd hoped?

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Dealing with unsupportive friends and loved ones is always hard, I suggest giving B the benefit of the doubt for now. But if he continues to be mean spirited and step out of his lane to say mean things to you then take a step back from him. Your happiness and well being is worth much more than someone who won't love and support you as you are. Hope everything goes well!

Edited by LilHoneyBug
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Tell him straight up that it hurts when he says those things. If he's as good a friend as you thought he was then he'll apologize and drop it. If he doesn't, it might be time to find a new best friend.

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Guest ~*~Sachita~*~

Dealing with unsupportive friends and loved ones is always hard, I suggest giving B the benefit of the doubt for now. But if he continues to be mean spirited and step out of his lane to say mean things to you then take a step back from him. Your happiness and well being is worth much more than someone who won't love and support you as you are. Hope everything goes well!

 

I agree with LilHoneyBug, give him the benefit of the doubt for now, because some people react badly at first.  The first guy I ever told said something to the effect of, "Sounds like a lot of women have daddy issues."  As time went on, he gradually became my biggest supporter, mainly because he could see how happy it made me.

 

I know how much it hurts when someone you trust says something like that.  It might be useful to tell him that comments like that are not appropriate and that when he is ready to discuss it in a respectful way, he should let you know.  There is a good chance he doesn't realize how mean he is being.

 

Good luck!  Let us know how it turns out.

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