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Breaking trust


raptorkitty

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Hello everyone....

so, i posted a post about my last relationship... it was very toxic and harmful. Everyone here helped me leave the relationship.

 

I've been struggling between the old fashion ways. Where in the beginning of talking to someone new, you dont open up right away. You dont tell them everything because they dont have that right. Not getting attached right away and making sure boundaries are up.

 

then theres ddlg.... where being open right off the bat is essential, where trust can be broken right away and someone walks away. even if you've only been talking for a week

 

I started talking to a new daddy... and really liked him a lot, we liked a lot of the same things and he saw potential in me.. however i kept my distance because of the old fashion ways.... scared of getting hurt like my last relationship. however, i went to go pack up more of my stuff at my ex's place and stopped contacting the new daddy. I had talked to my mother about it before hand and she said "you guys JUST started talking, he has no right to know everything. you are your own person" So when i finished the packing i contacted the daddy again. (after a day). however i told him my phone was just shut off. He caught me in the lie and now he wants nothing to do with me....

 

i can't tell if i was right for keeping my privacy or wrong for not being honest. :(

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Honestly, I think your mom is right in saying "he has no right to know everything." Even if it is ddlg, a little shouldn't reveal everything about herself. You should get to know each other, but if there is something you are not comfortable sharing or are not ready to share, he needs to respect that. That's what I tell any little I am with. She doesn't have to tell me everything. If I ask about something, if a little doesn't want to share I just ask that she explain that to me, not come up with some lie. THere's no one way to have a ddlg relationship just like there's no one way to have any relationship. Some people need time to get to know someone else before sharing deeper things. Some are more open. So approach a ddlg relationship the way you want to and if a daddy isn't patient or understanding enough, he isn't the daddy for you.

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Basically, I agree with sithlord212, You don't need to tell him everything from the start. If you don't feel comfortable telling some one something just yet, that is fine. All you have to do is just say your not comfortable talking about that just yet. Be honest. I think really all you had to do was tell him  your going to your ex's and you wanted some time alone to deal with all of it by yourself, and that you would get back with him whenever you was done. Again, all you had to do was be honest about the entire thing instead of making up a lie. Just be honest, direct, but kind. You'll be fine! :) Nothing wrong with being old fashioned. I know that I am old fashioned, and that will never change! :)

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While you dont have to share everything all at once a lie will always backfire. Its much more reasonable to say "I have some personal things to take care of but I will talk to you when I'm finished". A lie right off the bat makes you seem untrustworthy, even though your intentions weren't negative.

 

Remember that there's no true difference in a CG/l relationship then there is in a "vanilla" one when it comes to communication. Especially as your only in the getting to know each other stage.

 

Take this as a learning experience and try to be a but more confident in your dealings with others. Be honest, but you dont have to spill all the details. I can't say I blame the last guy for not wanting to talk to you any more. Many people have trust issues and being told a lie would be a deal breaker.

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Guest Mario

Telling the truth is very important. Don't feel secure? Tell him. Don't want to share everything? Tell him, and explain why. Need a break to think about it? Tell him and also explain. Explanation are required sometimes. Of course if we don't undertand because there is no communication, it could break the relationship.

I agree to say that an unpleasant truth is better than a beautiful lie.

 

Daddy wants to trust you, but also know you could have troubles. We are searching for the best relation, not the "perfect" Little :)

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