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Complicated situation, advice?


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No judgement please.


I recently met a man, online. He lives in my city and he is aan absolute sweetheart. He is a daddy, and we have been flirting for a while now. 


What makes this situation complicated is that he is married, to an extremely vanilla woman. I didn't know this at first but he told me about three days after we started talking. 


He has invited me to go for a coffee sometime this week.


I'm not sure what to do. 


Also, I'm scared in fear of judgement from my best friend. We share everything with each other and the fact that I am 18 and he is 38 could bring up a lot.

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Ok so he is married, yet want to meet u...if u are ok with being with a married man, then u can request that he bring his wife with him on ur coffee date. This way, u can hear from her own mouth if she is ok with this open arrangement he got going on. If he doesn't agree with inviting her, then he is likely hiding his bdsm life from his wife, and is simply cheating. If he is with his wife but 'broken up' or 'i dont love her' or whatever, still request to meet her as well, so u can make sure there is no lies or BS going on that can get u hurt. As for ur friend, they might judge u at first, but just be patient with them. Don't expect them to be accepting right away, take it with stride. If they are a real friend they will support u as long as u are happy and safe
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Guest Princessaj

Hi, sounds like you are either going to be the mistress on the side if he is hiding or in a poly if the wife knows about you.


When I was your age I made so many mistakes with married men that were cheating. I knowingly dated married men, but always paid the price when I was on the side. 


As for those that were poly, they knew about me, I met the wives and spent time with them at their homes, like part of the family...it was all out in the open and everyone was in agreement.


I am 1000% against being on the side in my life. I deserve to be first and have this man I am with screaming from the roof tops that I am his one an only. All I can say is that you are going to make your own decisions, but please don't let an older man use you to cheat on his wife. He is not a Daddy, he is manipulative and out for his own satisfaction.


I think you fear of judgement from your best friend is because you know that dating a married man/cheating and being on the side is wrong for you. Most of the time I have found that friends are judgmental because they want the best for us and see us getting ourselves in situations that are not in our best interest.


Age gaps are totally up to the people involved, no matter what age they are. I am dating a 70 year old man (widowed), who looks his age and I am 52...I look in my late 20's sometime, so we get lots of "looks." That is an 18 year age gap. I hope what they see is that we are totally having a blast and they wish they were too. Hugs

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There is some sound advice above, but my 2 cents too...


If you were to meet him, and if it developed into more, just a couple of things to bear in mind.


Being the other person is a horrible experience for many reasons. No one can know. He won't be able to see you at times when you'll want to see him. You will always be sneaking around. Add on to that, if you're a clingy little, he's not always going to be able to respond.


If in the future you two became an item, would you trust him to not cheat on you?


At all times, consider the feelings of his wife. How woukd you feel if that were you. Above, its been mentuoned that she comes with him for coffee. If for any reason shes not there, you kbow that she is in the dark.


If in the future she were to find out, be prepared for the possibility of being confronted by her.


Can you handle all of that if it happens.

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Guest Waiting4us
The final decision needs to be yours and you need to hear to your voice from inside rather then mind. Since he told you he is married it is your thing to see what next. I would like you talk to him in more details and see what you want in the relationship if you are going for it. We all deserve to be loved but we need to love self first and we need to see we are priority. You know what your wants are so it is better you discuss before meeting him alone. Meet him with your best friend or as PrincessAJ says tell him to bring his wife so that you know what they are going by and how you are going to be treated.
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knowing from experience stay away from married men no matter what, even if they're "separated" or unhappy with their wife

ofc it's up to you whether you wanna deal with all the baggage that comes with it (trust you won't)

Edited by angel-k47
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It seems to me that you already know what to do because your conscience is warning you. Otherwise you would not have written this post.

Marriage is a sacred union made by God. It is also a symbol of the realtionship between Christ and His Church.

This is why intimacy, both emotional and physical are designed to thrive within that union. Whenever we get those things out of lrder in any way, it is not only separating us from God but it is also harmful to us and others. Marriage should be a place of secure love with no need for feelings of jealousy or competition. This situation, if it were to continue, would breed that negativity in you and his wife.

Also, how do you feel being second to another woman? Are you looking for commitment? How would you feel when he inevitably looks for a third woman? Because if he can't be satisfied in his own wife, he will not be satisfied with you.

It is always best to do things God's way.

This is not judgement, but a concerned person offering truth so healing can come. Jesus came not to condemn, but to seek and save us. He warned that a judgement was comjng, but He came to be one of us and pay the price for our sin and raise from the dead because He loves us.

I understand you may not believe this, but I share it so you know I am not pointing a finger at you at all, just sharing God's wisdom so you can be blessed. ❤

Edited by LilPetPet
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Well, for fear of being struck by a thunderbolt by the previous poster's zeal, let me tell you that he is almost certainly in a world of hell too - if his marriage was perfect he simply wouldn't be here - detaching himself from that relationship can take a while, so if you decide to meet, then you should be under no illusion it could turn out to be a dead end, and a frustrating/hurtful ride.


I'm in his situation, which is why I stick with LDR until things at home go one way or the other. And a big finger up to anyone who says once a cheat, always a cheat - when you have been in a 20yr relationship and care deeply about the people who no longer satisfy you, then let me know how you get on avoiding going insane.


Seriously, just be careful - and if you're in any doubt - walk away.

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Are they in an open relationship?

If he and his wife are poly, then she is very aware of what is going on.  But, if that is the case, he would probably have been open about it from the very beginning.
Honesty is key. ~frowns~

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