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DDLG and Autism

Guest Volkmane1985

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Guest Volkmane1985

Evening all,


It's been a while since I was last here, life has been interesting.  I'm still interested/curious in the DDLG 'lifestyle' and looking for my own little, though as life has been going a bit sideways lately it's obviously been on the back burner.


I'm curious to know if there are any Daddies/Littles who are Autisic?


Does it affect the way they lead their daddy/little life?


The reason for asking is that I recently lost my job and shortly afterwards found out that I have mild Autism, however due to it being low on the scale there's not really much they can do (though technically there is nothing anyone can do, it's just how you get help for certain things).  Also it was my Autism that eventually lead to my dismissal from work (though they did not dismiss me because I have it, didn't know till afterwards).



Thanks for any replies.


p.s Please move this topic to the correct forum if this isn't the right one.


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Hi Volkmane, it sounds like you've been through a rough period lately. That sucks :( Hope you are now doing alright.


My own experience with autism is limited, but I feel that though it would impact being a caregiver/little it would not prevent you from living the lifestyle. You would just need to take the time to work out what works best for you and your partner, and work towards the areas you aren't so great at - just like anyone would without autism :)


If you were to be a caregiver, some things are most likely going to be extra challenging for you and will take a greater level of communication and effort on your part to provide, but also on the flip-side I think there will also be things that your autism emphasizes and come much more naturally to you - it will just take time to work out what those things are, discuss both your needs and work together towards them.


Honestly, if you are attracted towards this lifestyle then there is something in it for you, autism or not. Finding the right person to match your wants and needs and what you can provide, but that is the same for everyone else. Those things might just look a little different for you, but that doesn't make it any less DDLG than anyone else. It is what we make of it.


Good luck and I hope to see you around :)

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I don't have much experience as I'm waiting to get tested for autism/ aspbergers.

Im little and I find sensory side of it very comforting. Like having a paci and stuffies being soft and having a quiet environment. I find that I like to know exactly my role and the role of people around me. Being little and having a daddy I feel like I can feel my feelings more if that makes sense?

I like that the relationship and expectations are discussed in advance to there is no miscommunication.

I understand the social roles of children I find adult roles harder to define.

I am very unorganised and often forget to do things like eat and care for myself so I need to be reminded.

I just find this sort of relationship easier and more beneficial to my life than a vanilla relationship.

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Guest thepoet

I was diagnosed almost three years ago with high-functioning autism, previously known as Aspergers. I went undiagnosed so long because my gift of language allows me to more easily mimic neurotypical behavior despite my inability to actually understand it.


This diagnosis and the ongoing symptoms led to the collapse of a long-term relationship, which in turn caused me to believe I could never be loved again. I think that causes some internal problems moving forward in a future relationship, feeling unworthy of love and certain that my behaviors and singular outlook on the world create a chasm that most find too laborious to cross. More immediately, I find the biggest effect it has on DDlg are those that I find in vanilla interactions: a pervasive sense of distance in dialogue and a continuing state of loneliness. I don't recognize social cues very well, so people seem to keep me at arm's length and never stay long.


I will say, however, that once getting past the initial awkwardness my autism seems almost beneficial to the DDlg lifestyle. Intense and limited focus and a compassionate and reflective mind result in a constant state of attention, loyalty and an eagerness to please. Routine helps to ease a lot of the anxiety of my condition, which plays terrifically into the concept of rules and schedules. I think there's some balance to be achieved between the perceived leadership of a Daddy role and the sometimes crushing uncertainty of knowing you're different, but as with any relationship all the strength you will need will come to you from the right partner.


All in all, I've found that my autism creates more barriers in attracting others and creating connections with them, but it helps to form closer and more intimate relationships with those who do see the value in me. Every day is peppered with doubt, but finding a cohesive set of patterns can make things run much more smoothly. As a side note, I started a new job at the beginning of the year that conforms perfectly to my internal schedule and my mannerisms, which allows me to focus more on being me as a person than spending all my effort internalizing to try to navigate the world. I believe that finding a partner will have the same effect. When you do find someone, she will be your home, and when you're at home and comfortable you won't have to try to navigate your relationship: it will just be, and you can focus on being the best you for your girl.


That's just my two cents. Clearly, like a classics Auts, I could ramble on about a topic that interests me forEVER, but I think that's a decent summary. I might have gotten distracted but I hope that if I didn't answer your question then I at least offered a fresh perspective. All the best moving forward, champ. You'll find your path, and hopefully your Princess along it. Hit me up if you need to talk.





PS: I actually recorded a song for Autism Awareness month. It was a tongue-in-cheek cover of "I Wanna Be Like You" by King Louie from the Jungle Book. I might post up the lyrics in the Creative Corner soon.

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I was recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism (Aspy/Aspergers) not too long ago. I mainly went undiagnosed for so long (I was diagnosed when I was seventeen) due to my constant stubborn behavior. Ever since I was a kid I thought it was pointless to go to the doctor to tell me something I already know and would often say, "Just give him some money, then he'll leave us alone." I had gone to my doctor for a sports physical, and that turned into a reference to a neurologist. 


From my research into the topic, I discovered there was three major subcategories (with many subcategories under them) of Aspergers: Aloof, Clumsy, Focused. Now those one worded descriptions is the easiest way to describe them. Aloof aspies are typically the outlier in a group of kids, clumsy is generally a kid who is just super awkward around their peers (by awkward I mean that they are trying to fit in, but can't quite do it), and the focused kid is usually dedicated to one oddly specific task and is often mistaken for having ADHD. *Also I should note that these aren't facts just general findings. Okay? Kay.*


I mention the above categories because as a child I was definitively the Clumsy aspy, although I got much better with practice and forced socializing by my dear mom (which I must admit it worked quite well, I ended up having several amazing friendships that I wouldn't have if she didn't push me). And when I'm in little space, I definitely regress into that socially awkward phase of trying to fit in and be friends with everyone. I also find that I'm more bothered by certain sounds while in little space and yellow fluorescent light is a no-go for me. Harsher words that criticize my work feels akin to just being kicked in the shin (although, I don't know if that's due to my condition or me just being a little bit sensitive in personality), and I find myself regressing back to the point in my life where I get frustrated that I can't properly vocalize my thoughts. I also go back to this state of hating being touched by strangers and wanting excessive connection between me and loved one


I haven't had much experience in DD/lg relationships, but I find that since I usually live (right word?) in littlespace I suppose this could do. It's hard for me to relate to others -obviously- so forming close relationships is difficult, but, when I do, I develop this codependent (once again is this the right word? Clingy and fully supportive ofanything) attachment. Which is probably why a lot of thing end badly for me, relationship-wise. I find myself appreciating pretty words over touch because touch can sometimes 'overload' me. 


Honestly, I dunno if I even answered your question. I feel like I just rambled about myself for several paragraphs and decided that was enough. Hopefully, by the time you see this message you're in a better place -God! I'm not wishing you're dead just not going through a rough time- and you somehow figured out a solution to your own problems.

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  • 1 month later...

Im an Autistic Daddy and while I haven't had any littles yet I have had a few D/s relationships.


There are some advantages to being a caregiver with Autism vs a neurotypical caregiver.


First, your mind is highly structured and focused. You like order and routine, S types including littles will like this. You can create structure and order that includes them.


Being able to think logically even in emotional situations is a skill most Autistic people have. This helps with being a Dominant of any kind as it will help with planning and decision making even when under pressure.


You're going to have trouble reading emotions of your littles. But as their Daddy Dom, you can always ask how they are feeling. I always have a rule that my subs must tell me how they are feeling when asked and not hide any feelings from their Daddy/Master.


We tend to go out less. This means more time for your little to be home enjoying her little space with you.

Edited by DarkAvatar
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Guest Volkmane1985

Heh thanks for the reply.


Most if not all of what you wrote I fit exactly.


Still looking and wishing I had bothered to do some proper searching for my original personal ad as I'm now having to wait and see if they are able to restore/give me the content.  It took me a long time to type it out and it is a lot better than my ad from January.

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My biggest issues have been needing clarification on EVERYTHING and having trouble forming responses. Daddy will ask a question or give a direction that's apparently very simple to him but clear as mud to me. "I don't understand your question" is my tagline lol. But asking for an elaboration helps a lot. I also tend to shut down (like literally go mute) when I feel too confused, but I'm now able to squeak out some verbal "I need a minute please" and Daddy has learned patience.


I also have a few sensory issues. Light touches make me feel nervous and pukey. But Daddy knows that and makes sure to use firm touches.

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