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Eating disorders and self esteem issues


DaddyJayLovesWhatsHis
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I get that Daddies can't really keep a depressed little from being depressed all the time, but I want a way to make him feel better when I'm there or when I'm texting him, and to let him know that I do love him. Unfortunately, I'm kind of awkward, and not the best at conveying emotions, but I want him to know that I think he's perfect, and I that I can always help him if he has a problem. How do I let him know that I'm always there, and how do I get him to eat when he doesn't want to? He's really skinny and I'm afraid something bad is going to happen.
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This sounds like a mix of depression and anxiety to me. Are the concerns about your relationship? Or is it general depression. Either way, you are correct in that you wont be able to 'fix' it, but you can help with them for sure.

 

If its anxiety about the relationship then finding a way to be able to communicate your love/affection is critical. Now this doesn't mean sitting them down and repeatedly saying 'I love you', this means finding the right way to get the message to sink in. If something is hard for you to do - like communication - and he knows that its hard for you, then when you go to great lengths to do it, it means so much to a Little. Can you write a long letter or card? Perhaps convey not just your feelings of the moment but your hopes and dreams together and where you see the relationship going? Can you take them somewhere special and make it 'your spot'? If you are LDR, can you send them something personal of yours for them to touch and hold and smell? Something of importance too, something that says 'commitment'. I sent my Little a business shirt of mine that I am fond of, after I'd worn it a short while to make sure the 'smell' of me was present (note I said 'smell' and not 'odor'). She sent me back a tee shirt of hers and let me tell you - it means a whole freaking lot to receive a gift like that. Anyway, I'm drifting off topic.

 

If its a more general depression and its hard to get him to do things like eat through the general fog of it, you might be able to get through to him through the use of a few apps I found out about here in the Resoures > Self Help post.

 

1) The first app is called ChoreMonster and its a points/rewards system that you have complete control over. As a caregiver you assign a task - like 'Eat Breakfast' or 'Make Your Bed' and you give a points value to those tasks. Then you have a rewards section where you assign a value to each reward. Perhaps its candy, perhaps its time in front of the TV or something more adult - you have complete control over it. I'd recommend starting out with some really basic day-to-day stuff in order to try and get a bit of a routine going (very important for getting through depression I've found) and then gradually add to it over time. I wouldn't start out with "Go shopping and buy 2 weeks worth of groceries" or something that sounds exhausting from the get-go or it may not seem to appealing.

 

2) The second app is called Boosterbuddy, and its like a friend on your phone that reminds you to take medication, attend calendar events and provides a few daily 'mindfulness' activities designed to bring you back to a more balanced mental state. When you are having a bad day the app can recommend small tasks or ways of thinking your way out of a negative-thoughts-loop and they are genuinely helpful. I personally have been using this app for about a week now and though I'm not exactly drawn to the cutesy-ness of it, it does provide valuable information and perspectives at the times that its most necessary.

 

Best of luck to you and your Little. You are doing a great job even just seeking help for this sort of thing. Don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't able to bring him out of the fog of depression right away. And don't forget that whilst you are there to care for and nurture, it isn't your job to 'fix'. Ultimately, recovering from depression and extreme anxiety will be up to them - but you can provide the right environment to make that recovery possible.

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I agree with Ink. For eating disorders, though, your Little might need professional help. Eating disorders are a very difficult monster to fight on your own (even if you have a great support network). The most you can do there is support your Little in seeking help, but don't force them. Let them realize that something isn't right and guide them to constructive help resources. Most of all, be kind and loving. Express your love in the best ways you know how. It doesn't have to be words. Some people show love through acts of service, time with the person, or through gifts. Find an expression that resonates with both you and your Little and use it. 

 

Coming here for assistance shows you care. You can't 'fix' someone. But you can love, guide, and support them. 

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Good luck to you and your Little! Eating disorders are really, really hard because they often stem from roots that aren't immediately obvious. The best option, imo, is to just be supportive. Tell him what you told us. Tell him you care for him and are always available to talk if needed, or to just distract with cute pictures or playing a game or whatever. Many littles struggle with mental illness - myself included - but just knowing that someone is there and loving you is really very nice. 

 

 

And if your little does say, Hey, i need some help and i don't know where to turn, help him look into a counselor. A lot of times there are places you can go that have free or discounted service for people who are in need but can't afford it, and there are always urgent care places as well. the worst thing is not trying. maybe if you want to you can look into places near him that may help with eating disorder or with anxiety or depression and etc. 

 

i hope everyone stays safe. 

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The best you can do is be as supportive as possible, don't take the burden on to yourself totally. 

Encourage a form of therapy, whether it is one on one or a free group session. It is important that your little is getting professional help. There are some awesome websites that could be helpful if you look around. 

 

Always check up periodically, let your little know that you care and love them. It is really important that they know you aren't going to leave them because of their mental health, believe me when your little opens up to you, their number one fear is that it is going to drive you away. 

 

You CANNOT force someone with an ED to eat, this will usually drive them away and they will no longer feel comfortable talking to you. This is why professional help is so important.

Please do not comment on the way that they look, this is hurtful even if you have the best of intentions.

 

Just be kind and patient and please urge them to get professional help. 

 

Please, please, please help them get professional help. 

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I struggle with a ED as well and the best thing that you can do is just provide support. But what worries me is you said you are getting worried for his safety. I would get a second opinion in someone that is close wih him as well. Such as a family member or close friend. You may need to take him to the hospital if it's bad enough. I know when I was really bad I needed someone to physically drag my ass to the hospital and give me a news flash or I would've died.

I wish you the best.

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