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Looking for some advice - Littles and Caregivers alike


DaddyItalia
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How ya doin?

 

After doing a bit of research I decided to join up here as it seems some live feedback is what's needed.

 

A bit of a back story first I would assume (just so I can lay the foundation for where my desire of information is coming from).

 

I've been into kink for awhile now, around 10 years.  However, I've only been a committed caregiver/daddy for a few months now.  Originally I was more of a master/sadist, typically in more traditional d/s relationships.  I guess as I got older I got tired of being so stern and restrictive/cold in my actions.  The desire to nurture and provide for someone took hold so I started seeking a new dynamic.  I dabbled with ddlg occasionally in the past, but never anything involved or serious until a few months ago when I found my current babygirl.

 

First, let me say, nothing comes from any doubt regarding her.  She's absolute perfection in every way and I never thought it was even possible for me to want to provide and care for someone as much as I do her.  I wake up wanting to just spend every minute taking care of her and getting her things and fall asleep anxious for the next morning to begin.

 

My desire for advice/guidance is that I am the type of person who is always over analytical.  I always see a way in myself and what I do to improve upon, and while she says I am doing a good job of being a daddy, I can't help but feel there is a lot I'm still missing the mark on.  We have had some bumps in our relationship (we are in a committed relationship as adults, and while the ddlg isn't 24/7 it is a majority of our interaction), and in the ddlg side I know each time has been because my old tendencies have come out.

 

To elaborate on that, what I mean is I have been pretty good at restraining myself and adjusting to the dynamic overall, especially in our "play."  She is not into pain and overly rough play, preferring for more of the "rougher" or "naughtier" side of vanilla play.  However, a few nights ago my old dom tendencies came out while she decided to start a game of seeing who could 'crack' first through teasing.  I spanked her, hard.  It crushed me seeing how much it hurt her, how she took it to mean I viewed her like the subs in my past even though it wasn't my intent or feeling at all.  To any of you who transitioned from sadist to caregiver, if any at all, how do/did you manage to stay aware of those ticks and restrain them?

 

My next request for advice would be in regards to maintaining a daily routine or allotting proper corrective actions.  As I said, I'm still new to this dynamic so I do miss little things a bit like consistency in small tasks/responsibilities, understanding when she transitions to little space from adult mode (like when getting ice cream and remembering to consider things like napkins/using a bowl or cone to prevent messes, etc).  What's a good way you've found to maintain a consistent routine and awareness?

 

As for punishments, ever since that night I have made it a solid point to never spank or even playfully threat to spank again.  But in doing so, I am at a loss on how to correct behavior.  For me, for so long, punishment was pain/mental strain/actions that would never stand for her.  What are some good tips or ideas you may have?  

 

A good example is last night.  She went into a very bratty mode, telling me no when asked to do something, being combative, etc.  In response I immediately put her to bed, taking away her snacks, etc and ending what was going to be a daddy/princess cuddle and movie night with her favorite snacks.   When she tried to correct it and be better (she thought she was just being cutesy cause I do like some of her bratty tendencies at times), I continued with the punishment and made her go to bed even though she wasn't tired at all and was looking forward to the movie.

 

She believes I had gone a bit overboard, as even though she tried to correct it and make up for it, I disregarded that and kept pushing the punishment.  Personally, I am at a loss, as I know she was just trying to be cute for the most part, but she also knows I do not like being told no repetitively, especially when my tone changes I do not like the talking back, so at that point I just felt punishment was necessary regardless of any other action.

 

Littles and caregivers, what do you think?  Did I go overboard?  If so, what do you think I should have done differently?  Caregivers, how do you determine your punishment levels?  Do you discuss the action and consequences before punishment?  Allow them to state their case so to speak before you follow through?

 

Sorry for the wall of text, and I'm sure there will be more, but for now this is all my brain can put out as I am working at the same time.

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A good example is last night.  She went into a very bratty mode, telling me no when asked to do something, being combative, etc.  In response I immediately put her to bed, taking away her snacks, etc and ending what was going to be a daddy/princess cuddle and movie night with her favorite snacks.   When she tried to correct it and be better (she thought she was just being cutesy cause I do like some of her bratty tendencies at times), I continued with the punishment and made her go to bed even though she wasn't tired at all and was looking forward to the movie.

 

 

I would advise a system for instances like this. Much like the counting, "you have until I count to 5 to do x" 

Sometimes it is hard to know when a CG means business and when it is till fun playtime, especially in Little Space. My CG will use what I fondly call the "mean voice" and use my full name, then I know it isn't playtime and I better act right. 

 

 

My next request for advice would be in regards to maintaining a daily routine or allotting proper corrective actions.  As I said, I'm still new to this dynamic so I do miss little things a bit like consistency in small tasks/responsibilities, understanding when she transitions to little space from adult mode (like when getting ice cream and remembering to consider things like napkins/using a bowl or cone to prevent messes, etc).  What's a good way you've found to maintain a consistent routine and awareness?

 

 

 

 

Routines are very VERY important. In short, everyone is different, you have to work with her to find the best and most nurturing routine. I personally love a rigid schedule, down to the hour my days are planned.

My routine is embedded in our rules. I have a topic written on it complete with rules, reasons for said rules and even some punishment ideas.    

 https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12727-a-starting-point-for-rules-rewards-punishments/

There are also some apps and other ideas on ways to implement a healthy schedule!

 

 

 

 

As for punishments, ever since that night I have made it a solid point to never spank or even playfully threat to spank again.  But in doing so, I am at a loss on how to correct behavior.  For me, for so long, punishment was pain/mental strain/actions that would never stand for her.  What are some good tips or ideas you may have?  

 

 

 

The link I shared above also has some punishment ideas on there. I think the single most important thing is to be consistent. Get her into a routine and let her know that breaking rule "x" will always result in punishment "y". There should never be any guesses and she shouldn't have to wonder what will happen if she doesn't behave, that can be really scary.

 

Best of luck and make sure you are communicating with her when you come up with a routine and punishments, she should have a major say in all of those things because they are for her well being. 

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Thank you, I know one of the biggest things I am missing the mark on is routines.  Due to our schedules, well my schedule for the last few months it wasn't until just recently we had continuous time together where little space played a larger factor than adult mode. I think with this being a holiday week I will set aside the time from work to develop some routines and punishment lists/reward charts with her.  

 

I will definitely communicate with her on everything, in the end I just want her to be safe, healthy and happy.

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