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Is is normal?


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Hi guys!


So something I've been reading a lot of lately is: "is it normal______"


I would just like to point out that nothing is "normal". We're all unique people with unique experiences walking through life in our unique ways. We like different things, different things bother us, and nothing is right or wrong.


I'm a little, who is slightly sadistic, who's submissive and a bit mouthy/bratty. I'm married with two children. I'm still finding myself in this lifestyle, as I hid myself many years ago and am just now letting go. I have a list of fantasies I'd love to play out some day, many of them I am certain many people who call weird.


What I think many people mean by "normal" is- "is it acceptable/okay?" Here's the questions you should ask:

-is everyone involved of legal age?

-is everyone involved consenting? (Even in consensual nonconsent- there's still consent!)

-is everyone involved safe? Not in any real danger? We put ourselves at risk in BDSM scenes, but are we trying to do the risky behaviors in as safe a manner as possible?


Really, that's it! Beyond that, if you enjoy something, enjoy it! It doesn't matter what any of us think! It's nice to find others with similar interests to yours, but don't stress about what's "normal". This very forum is considered abnormal and wrong by many- that doesn't make it so!


Have fun playing in whatever fashion you want- and don't worry about normal!

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Thank you for the great post, Daddy's_Babygirl!!

One of the reasons that I stay on this website at all is because of how non-judgmental everyone here is. I think it's because we already know we're different. We know that our lifestyle isn't something everyone can accept, and this is our safe space.


Another thing I'd like to add that I've been seeing lately is people saying (I haven't really noticed this in the Caregiver Cafe, so my commentary is directed towards littles) "My daddy does ___, is it normal?" (usually the ___ is very clearly abuse or asking for sexual things very early in a relationship). And I just... I don't know how someone can think that those things are okay. ddlg is NOT abuse, it does not give anyone permission TO abuse. Spankings are consensual, but if your partner suddenly slaps you in the face with no prior conversation it's not okay!! Even in cases like degradation, you still have to say "yes I am okay with this and I like it", your partner isn't just allowed to call you names and put you down when they're mad at you. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it's not okay.


I feel real pain for these people. It hurts me that someone can think abuse or things that make you uncomfortable can suddenly be "okay" if it's "normal". Even if abuse was the "normal" thing, why would you only aim for the status quo?


For example, I would consider it to be "normal" to wait roughly 3-5 months in a relationship before you have sex with someone. This in no way shape or form tells me that I need to have sex with my partner during that time period! My partner and I will have sex when I am ready, and not when the average joe on the internet tells me to. If that means 3 days, that's fine; if that means 3 months, that's fine; if that means 3 years, that's fine too. Just because something is "normal" does not mean it is right for youAnd most of these things aren't even "normal" in the first place, so....


In close, I wholeheartedly believe that people need to stop asking themselves if strangers on the internet approve of their actions, and instead ask if they approve of their own actions. If it's safe and consensual and not hurting anybody, then don't think twice about it.

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