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Advice on my SIL?


LittleRae
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So I got married back in May. I was super excited to spend the rest of my life with my husband, and be super happy and have fun!

 

But since the day before my wedding, my Sister-In-Law (we'll call her L for now) has been trying to ruin my relationship with my husband.

 

Day before the wedding: So at my bachelorette party, we went and got drinks and went dancing. But while we were there, we were doing a game where I had a sash and I had to do certain things to earn buttons for the sash (think Girl Scouts, but for adults). They were funny things, like dance with a stranger, get a kiss from a boy, get free drinks, etc. Well, my other bridesmaids, and my husband's aunt were helping, but she was throwing a fit. To the point that she called her brother to tell him that I was kissing a guy at my bachelorette party. I had to talk to him on the phone and explain that it was seriously nothing.

 

Day of the wedding: She was my Maid of Honor. She refused to let my hair and makeup people (also my sisters) touch her hair. She showed up almost 2 hours late, because she insisted on having a "professional" do her hair and makeup. Then she threw a total bitch fit about my flower girl, and tried to lecture my brother-in-law (who has learning disabilities) DURING THE CEREMONY. She then complained about her own problems during the entire reception.

 

Now, she has been complaining about the fact that her brother would rather spend time with me than with her. It's stupid petty high school drama. She gives me dirty looks, ignores me, and posts hate messages on my FaceBook account. It's getting out of hand. But when I try to talk to my husband about it, he always sides with her.

 

So, I'm at a loss. It's nice to talk to other people about it, but I would love some advice. Help please!!

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Guest Ginger

To be honest, I'd just sit her down and tell her straight up that your marriage and all it entails has absolutely nothing to do with her. She sounds like a spoiled brat to me if I'm being honest. I'd talk to your husband and explain to him that this is all stressing you out. If that doesn't work, maybe (if you have a good rapport with your In-Laws) try talking to your mother- or father-in-law and see if they can offer any assistance. I'm not usually one to bring in other people for issues but it sounds like it's almost needed in this case. Your husband shouldn't automatically side with his sister, he should be siding with whoever is in the right and it's most definitely you in this instance. His sister sounds like she needs to grow up.

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Guest ~*~Sachita~*~

That sucks.

 

Unfortunately, there are some batshit crazy people in this world.

 

You have no control over her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. Some people aren't happy unless they have an enemy to fight with. Although I am curious, has she always been this way or did it start all of a sudden?

 

You have two options, keep the peace and suffer in silence, or tell her to leave you alone.

 

The only thing concerning in your post is that your new husband takes her side. That is a red flag that something isn't right: either he doesn't understand how deeply this affects you or he understands but doesn't think it is a problem.

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Guest bigttrack

People. Talking to her is a complete waste of your time. Does your husband see this? Surely he is aware of her behavior. This isn't the first and only time its been all about her.

Talk to him, then BOTH of you need to cut her out of your life. I know it seems harsh and hard to do, but I promise you, once you do..

nothing but peace. God bless the both of you. I wish you well.

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Guest Boobear616

I can't really say much on this, as most of my own "experience"/"knowledge" is from movies & books. But this to me tickles a mighty suspicious bone. Do they have a sibling complex? How do they interact with/around each other? What's the age gaps between all of you? Maybe it's just jealousy? Were they pretty close before hand? When did it all start? Has she hated on all his past relationships? I'm sorry I'm not any help. But I do wish the best upon you, whether it's with your husband or not.

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I can sympathize with you on many levels. To a lesser extent my mother has been doing the same thing between my wife and I since we got married. My best advice is communication. Your husband needs to know what is going on. It is difficulty to be put in a situation where you are between a spouse and family, but you are not the one doing it. Once he knows how you feel, it may be best to limit contact with this individual. The decision should be made together or it may in fact ruin your relationship. I hate to say this but it is his advice you really need, not his families or ours. Good luck.

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She sounds more like a jilted lover than sister... Does she not think her brother is happy or does it bother her that he is happy? Just saying...
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That sucks.

 

Unfortunately, there are some batshit crazy people in this world.

 

You have no control over her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. Some people aren't happy unless they have an enemy to fight with. Although I am curious, has she always been this way or did it start all of a sudden?

 

You have two options, keep the peace and suffer in silence, or tell her to leave you alone.

 

The only thing concerning in your post is that your new husband takes her side. That is a red flag that something isn't right: either he doesn't understand how deeply this affects you or he understands but doesn't think it is a problem.

 

L has been like this ever since I started dating my now-husband.

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People. Talking to her is a complete waste of your time. Does your husband see this? Surely he is aware of her behavior. This isn't the first and only time its been all about her.

Talk to him, then BOTH of you need to cut her out of your life. I know it seems harsh and hard to do, but I promise you, once you do..

nothing but peace. God bless the both of you. I wish you well.

Well, we definitely can't just cut her out. She's way too important to my husband. 

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I can't really say much on this, as most of my own "experience"/"knowledge" is from movies & books. But this to me tickles a mighty suspicious bone. Do they have a sibling complex? How do they interact with/around each other? What's the age gaps between all of you? Maybe it's just jealousy? Were they pretty close before hand? When did it all start? Has she hated on all his past relationships? I'm sorry I'm not any help. But I do wish the best upon you, whether it's with your husband or not.

 

So, she has this unhealthy obsession with him. Like, she's OBSESSED. She is super affectionate and clingy to him, and always has been. They're quadruplets. But that doesn't make the way this has gone down okay. And I'm a year and a half older than they are. My husband's previous relationships were never as serious as the one he and I share, so I don't think this has ever been a problem. But it's to the point that she refuses to come to the apartment because I'm here.

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She's very unlikely to listen to you about this and its very unreasonable for you to have to put up with this behavior from anyone let alone a relative that is very important to your husband.

 

You need to solve the issue that your husband is taking sides against you automatically. He may have a lifelong bond with his sister but a marriage is in many ways an agreement to start a new family and put that new family first. His response needs to reflect that - it doesn't mean you now win disputes automatically, but he needs to put your families needs - the family you are building together - before that of keeping peace with his sister. In this case that means recognizing her destructive behavior and playing mediator to come to a resolution. It shouldn't be about taking sides for him but for bringing together the two families, and realizing that her behavior is keeping them apart.

 

If you can't convince him that there is a problem then this will always be a huge issue for you. And unless you two move seriously far away from her, I doubt it will get any easier.

 

Good luck to you - your own commitment to a resolution here is quite evident - I hope you are able to have him come around to seeing things from your perspective.

Edited by Ink
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