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Guest ~lele~
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Guest ~lele~

I wasn't sure what section to post this. I'm just gonna put it on here and hopefully someone can help or relate.

 

When my Daddy and I first met I was an extremely sexual and naughty person and he felt he finally had met his match in every way.

 

My health started declining vastly shortly after, mentally and physically. I had major surgery and now have an autoimmune disease. I've lost all drive and interest in sex but love my Daddy. We are LDR and we both know that's all we'll ever be. But, we still love each other and want to stay together, can't imagine not having one another.

 

The problem is, Daddy is still very sexual and has no outlet that satisfies him but he says doesn't want any other little. We once had rules and punishments that were strictly enforced and satisfying to both, but since I've changed so much those have been lost to us.

 

So, we fear we're losing our dynamic and it's got Daddy down and me too. We both feel like failures. I need the structure and rules to keep me feeling little, it's just how I work. He wants to give them, but he doesn't really get anything in return but my behaving. If I misbehave, he is unclear how to discipline me appropriately and it be satisfactory for him. I realize some couples may view the need for these things in a different light but we could truly use some good advice or suggestions. Thank you in advance.

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Keeping it LDR is a choice, most choose to over come the gap and if the relationship was all pretty much built on sex I don't see it lasting. I might add that love is not supposed to be about what someone can give you, it is something that is given because it exists.

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I would sit down with him and go over all your rules/punishments. You can look around the forum for ideas if you need, but I think you should explain to your daddy that if you need them, they are meant to help you, they are not for him. I don't have a problem with him enjoying your punishments in the past, but I'm just saying that you should probably tell him very clearly that these punishments are necessary for you, and that if he chooses to continue, they are no longer a sexual outlet for him.

 

I know what you're going through, as it's tough when one partner is more sexual than the other. Both sides feel inadequate. If you keep talking to each other about this frequently, you can change a few of those inadequate feelings and keep your relationship strong as ever. Just make sure he knows that this may not change (especially if it was due to surgery or health related problems). He needs to be okay with you changing, and that things may not go back to how things were. This might not be an easy answer for him, either.

 

A lot of people on here are asexual or have low sex drives! You can still be part of the dynamic if you want to. You still have a place in this community. Good luck ♥

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Guest ~lele~
I'm just really trying to figure out how to give of myself to him to make him happy. I feel like without satisfying him that I'm no good to him anymore :(
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I'm just really trying to figure out how to give of myself to him to make him happy. I feel like without satisfying him that I'm no good to him anymore :(

Relationships are about more than just sex. Is your daddy the one making you feel like that's the only thing you're good for, or is that your insecurities talking? Either way you're worth more than that. Talk to your daddy, relationships are about 3 things (I've said this so many times it's in my signature) communication, compromise, commitment. You need to talk it out and come up with a compromise. Compromise is hard because you have to give up something that is important to you, but it's the only way to fix things. If you or your daddy aren't willing to compromise, maybe it would be time to reconsider the relationship.

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Guest Mittens

Ho boy that is deep.  Uhhm where do I start really. Now I can only speak from personal experience, and others personal experiences they have shared with me. I also can give you a psychological view point, which to some is pretty vague because there are so many views on psychology and which professor you prefer to study through. Well, I can certainly give some advice, it may help or it may not, I always hope you find the answer you are looking for! Alright so, first off, you both need to stop fearing. One thing I personally experience and notice in couples is, when their motivation and confidence fades, they start to make mistakes. They start to say things, degrade themselves which can hurt both sides. When you lose your confidence your partner does also. You are like a card pyramid, where 2 cards lean against each other to support each other without falling. If one leans too much or too little they both fall. So first thing in order is not to fear, your fear will instill doubt and doubt makes you lose heart to one another. So essentially, yes, your fears will come true because you made them come true. Don't worry and just focus on each other. My personal opinion (sorry if this seems insulting or harsh ahead of time, it isn't my intent), I feel if he loved you and loved you for you, then punishing you should bring him joy and happiness. It shouldn't be just for sexual reasons. All punishments shouldn't be sexual punishments, what about going to the corner, no cartoons or snacks, writing lines, holding positions, ect. There are many punishments that help. And if he loves you, he should be supporting you, he should be punishing you and seeing you happy from being disciplined should make him happy to see it, if your happiness truly makes him happy. though the exception to this is if you aren't happy even when being disciplined, then he may feel like he did something wrong, and he may start to not enjoy it. So first off, take care of yourself. Be confident, be happy, and reassure him you love him and all this makes you happy! Then if he responds negatively, give him a chance, don't give up, and keep on it. If he still continues, maybe he wanted more than just the happiness in you. HE is good to respect you and not to go to another little though. If I were you, I personally would be worried he was already using other methods to sexually cope, but I have trust issues that I am working on. I mean if they proved to be 100% honest and got me to trust them then all trust issues are gone, but I don't harbor those feelings or know the full situation. I am getting a small piece of information to work with, which is fine. I am doing my best though. Lets see, try and encourage him, bring him up, be his little cheerleader! give him that hope and confidence, that should be enough for anyone who loves you ^^. That's all I have for this specific topic with this little information. I am sorry. Just make sure he doesn't get clogged in his own mind and lose his way, or it can end bad, to no ones fault really.

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My Daddy and I are in a LTR. He has MS which has caused some challenges for us. I've sent you a friend request. If you'd like to chat more about this and tell me more, maybe we could come up with some ideas. Or I can just "listen" if you want.
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