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Am I too high maintenance/awkward?


PrincexPaci
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Ok apologies in advance for making this post but a few days ago I posted in the personals group and I tried to give myself a week or two of posting in the other forums before making a personal post to try to show I'm (somewhat) active on the site; so I've only bumped my post once but I've noticed that a lot of people are not responding to my personal either by messages, replies or even likes but a fair amount of people are looking at it.

I'm just wondering if I did something wrong because in my post I included a little information about myself and interests but then I also included an application form for caregiver role to help speed up the process of finding out why a person wants to be your CG which leaves more room for learning about personal interests and I'm just wondering if that was off putting for some people as I've noticed posts made before and after mine have had way more responses.

 

I thought this would be a good place for finding a CG because most people suggest using fetlife or go to events to find someone but the problem with fetlife is there are a lot of fake CGs or ones that focus mainly on the sexual side and the problem with events is that at events specifically for littles and CGs most caregivers who go are already coupled with littles and going to BDSM type events is hard to find those with genuine interest in the little community without a biased or wholly sexual feel.

 

Not sure what my next move should be or if I should completely changed or give up my post but if you have advice/tips that would be nice :/

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I would assume that the problem is because you mention that you are Non Sexual little. Of course there are CGs who are platonic or ddlg relationship doesn't have to be 100% sexual. But as for a lot of daddy, sexual side is important (again it's not all the time) so maybe, just maybe that's the problem.

 

But other than that, finding a daddy/little is a little adventure, be patient, it takes a while to find one who fits you well! :) good luck on your search

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I would assume that the problem is because you mention that you are Non Sexual little. Of course there are CGs who are platonic or ddlg relationship doesn't have to be 100% sexual. But as for a lot of daddy, sexual side is important (again it's not all the time) so maybe, just maybe that's the problem.

 

Thank you. I think I mentioned in my post that although I'm mostly a non sexual little (I would ideally prefer to keep my sexual side separate from little side) I would be willing to incorporate that for the right daddy. My aim was to kind of weed out the ones who exclusively look for sexual littles and try to find daddies who focus on the caring aspects too. I guess that makes it a little harder but it can be quite disheartening :/

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Right upfront - the organisation and thoughtfulness that you have put into your Personals post does not make you high maintenance at all. Not in the slightest. It shows a lot of respect for the community and also that you know what you like and are looking for.

 

I must admit, I can relate to you quite a lot where you say that you thought you had put in a lot of effort and time into making sure your post was high quality and then became disheartened when you see others get a higher number of responses. As someone who has tried to join and subsequently given up on various online communities over the years for this exact reason, I can only say that it isn't unique to this site. I think its just a part of what certain types of communication have become on the internet. As a whole, constructive, researched and informed discourse is being for the most part replaced by shorter and less useful online media. I don't want to get too far from the original point but the more you think about the way people consume information now as opposed to how they used to you can start to see why people might turn away from a lengthy post, no matter the subject.

 

I'd like to hear another take on this and I'd really like to be wrong here - the thought that people couldn't be bothered reading a post thats potentially written by someone who is a perfect match for them astounds me. But the internet makes people lazy and unaccountable.

 

On the plus side, I can tell you that the people I have met on here that do take the time to read longer posts - and those who write them themselves - are absolutely wonderful people. You may not get the hoards of people queuing up to talk to you, but I genuinely believe that the people who do reach out for you are far likelier to be a match for you. The person you are putting out to show the world in that Personals post is someone who clearly puts a lot of effort into this - and I believe that there are people on here who will recognise that for what it is.

 

Now that I've made my point, I'll share my own story that might encourage you to keep this up.

 

As you can clearly see by now, I like to share my thoughts and feelings. All of my previous partners made me feel like I was a bit over the top in this regard, and it caused me to bottle things up. Those relationships did not last. When I was looking for a partner, I kept telling myself to try and not let these things out. I needed to keep my feelings and emotions to myself because they were too much for people and I'd never meet someone whilst I was so upfront about everything.

 

Then one day, shortly after posting in a thread (elsewhere) seeking a penpal for friendship, I met someone. With no intention of going beyond penpals, I could see this mental "fork in the road" ahead of me. On one hand I could continue trying to keep these things to myself, and on the other I could be entirely true to myself. Screw It I thought - and I wrote this lengthy response telling a stranger all about myself and pre-emptively answered all the questions that I wanted answered about them. I assumed that would be the end of it. 8 months later, we've barely stopped talking since. I meet her in person in 2 weeks, and its all because I was true to myself.

 

So, this got way off track I know but I just wanted to let you know that there are people out there who will recognise your above-and-beyond efforts. It will very likely take longer, and it will come with its own challenges along the way. But if thats who you are then that's who you should be presenting in your Personals add. And those who seek you out will be all the better suited for you.

 

Good luck!

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Guest Spookycupcake

Just so you know you aren't alone, I also prefer to keep my sexual side apart from my little side. My little space is not time for me to be sexual it is time for me to feel comfortable and safe and to be happy. 

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First of all, dont listen to Jugemu. There are plenty of daddies that are totally fine with seperating the Little stuff from the sexual stuff.

 

Second of all, Im assuming you're a boy from your username? Its hard to tell because you dont mention your gender. That could be the problem? That there just arent that many gay caregivers out there

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First of all, dont listen to Jugemu. There are plenty of daddies that are totally fine with seperating the Little stuff from the sexual stuff.

 

Second of all, Im assuming you're a boy from your username? Its hard to tell because you dont mention your gender. That could be the problem? That there just arent that many gay caregivers out there

 

On my profile, it does say female and I can't remember if I did put a gender in my add but biologically I am female though I consider myself to be angenital/non-binary.

Princex is actually a gender-neutral title originally used for POC non-binary and genderfluid people but now I do see a fair amount of non POC people on tumblr using that title.

 

In my personal I did even say I was looking for a caregiver which opens the field to both daddies and mummies (though mummies are harder to find). On fetlife there are a fair amount of female caregivers who either call themselves daddy whilst still portraying a female gender or they will stick with the mummy title, the only problem is that most of these mummy dommes tend to be in America, already have littles and/or are very limited in numbers. As someone who lives in the UK this would be very hard to manage what with long distance and the different time zones.

 

Again, yes I am biologically female but if you saw me in person I would understand why you think I'm male because of how I dress/have my hair but it mostly comes down to a body confidence thing. It's very rare I wear a dress but I will from time to time and even wear long wigs but because I'm not a massive fan of certain body areas I try to avoid this if I can.

 

Sorry if this reply seems rambling and off topic in points

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First of all, dont listen to Jugemu. There are plenty of daddies that are totally fine with seperating the Little stuff from the sexual stuff.

Second of all, Im assuming you're a boy from your username? Its hard to tell because you dont mention your gender. That could be the problem? That there just arent that many gay caregivers out there

I never say every single daddy are sexual, i am sure there are plenty who is fine with being platonic. I am just giving out an opinion based on my experience, from friends who are daddies as well. :)

 

Although, i don't mind if my opinion is unacceptable by you, i am just giving a bit from what i know ^^

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I'm super high maintenance and my daddy handles it perfectly, it took quite a while for me to find the perfect one though. I'm also super awkward(due to autism and social anxiety) but so is my daddy so it works out haha. I'm glad I was patient and didn't give up on ever finding a daddy (even though I thought about it) and I'm sure you'll find someone perfect for you eventually :)
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