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Is DDlg BDSM?


Antoinette
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Hey guys. As you can tell by the title I'm trying to initiate a discussion or perhaps even a (friendly) debate about this topic.

 

Is DDlg BDSM?

 

To me the answer to the question is simple. Yes. It is. Inherently DDlg is BDSM, there is no way to avoid the connection to BDSM in my eyes, because that's what it is. A sub category of BDSM. There is an exchange of power (consensually) between the sub (little) and dom (daddy). To me, it's clear and obvious.

 

On the other hand, I can see how people disassociate it with BDSM. DDlg can be tamer than for example relationship dynamics like D/s or M/s, and generally is the 'cutesy' side of things. When people, generally vanilla people, envision BDSM they normally think whips, chains, spanking and whatnot. And sometimes that somewhat close-minded interpretation of BDSM can also leak into our very own community - so when DDlg comes along and is all about the most pure, innocence - childishness, it's hard to associate it with the perceived darkness of pain for pleasure and whips/chains/spanking/sexual torture, etc., not only this but BDSM is seen as only sexual, whereas a lot of DDlg relationships are not sexual in that sense. Idk.

 

I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this. I'm really interested in hearing what other people think. I don't want this to turn into an argument or anything else, I'm just genuinely curious about what everybody has to say on this topic. 

 

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Guest fymagain

It depends on the daddy and the little girl really.  Some ddlg relationships are simple mentorships in little space, some are sexual relationships, and some are complete control, being whipped and tied up as punishment :-) Hope that helps, add and message me and we can talk more.

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Guest Dominik

I think it is the DS part in BDSM. In a DDlg relationship there is a Top and a Sub. When I see a "classic" DS relationship then there also is not everything in a sexual way. Some DS couples live it 24/7 and it takes place in their whole life. Also in a DS relationship it is necessary especially for the Top to have and show respect, to talk about limits, to do only consensual agreed practices. 

 

When in a DDlg relationship there are also spankings and other physical things, then I think this also includes the SM part of BDSM.

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the wonderful thing about DDlg is that it need to have anything to do with BDSM bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism, and masochism (as a type of sexual practice) in case people have forgotten. 

 

For some of us being little or a daddy is who we are and not a simple kink. I think that fact needs to be accepted by certain people who seem intent on forcing DDLG to be BDSM and sexual, we also have enough drama without those people trying to add more.

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Very simply put, CGLG is a part of BDSM. Someone is dominant, someone is submissive. All the whips and punishments and sado / maso stuff is completely up to preference of the Dom / sub. Some Caregivers / littles are completely vanilla when having sexy time, some are completely BDSM but CGLG is a part of BDSM.

 

Also for the argument that it's not simply a kink and therefore falls out of BDSM. Any aspect of BDSM can be purely kinky or so so much more, again it's about personal preference and ones ability to partake in such activities on a higher emotional level.

Edited by Prat(Praetorian)
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For me, DDLG will forever be intrinsically linked to BDSM due to the very fact that DDLG and CLG come out of BDSM. 

Whether or not you want to argue about if it still should be considered BDSM is one thing but I have seen far too many people on both sides of the BDSM line want to argue that we don't belong. "Real" BDSMer's want to say discouraging and mean hearted things about us as well as shun us, while DDLGers do the same exact thing to BDSMer's. This has to stop! A lot of people in our community are seriously involved with BDSM and vice versa we can't be tearing each other down like that. I, myself, am a slave AND a little/middle, and I can say with full certainty my slave side is just as much a part of me as my little side.  Neither of those sides of me is just a simple kink.  
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I definitely was looking into BDSM before I heard about ageplay and the whole CG/L dynamic. And giving up control is an important factor for both.

I'm not necessarily a very sexual person, maybe more sensual - not sure, I don't like labelling things because it all can be pretty fluid.

I have been told that I'm not really into BDSM if I don't like this or that so I don't know. Maybe those people are just judgemental (which would feel weird but could very much be the case) and maybe I'm really not. But I have certain fantasies and I can't climax without at least thinking about those things so I definitely wouldn't classify myself as purely vanilla.

 

I can imagine getting into a lot of stuff if I have a partner who's into it but I also have boundaries. I'm often discovering more facets to my preferences. Isn't the most important thing that we all explore ourselves and find love and happiness?

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The following is my opinion:

 

It isn't a simple yes or no as it depends on the relationship. Not all DDlg/Cgl relationships follow a D/s dynamic. There is no rule that states that the little must be submissive and the Daddy dominant. Nor, is there a rule that states that anyone in the relationship has to be submissive or dominant.  I, personally, prefer to separate the D/s from BDSM. You can be in a D/s relationship without bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism. Just as you can participate in BDSM activities without it being part of a D/s, M/s, or any other power dynamic relationship. 

 

You can be a Daddy and not be dominant or submissive (a switch is someone who is both). Just as you can be a little that is neither submissive or dominant. Just as you don't have to have bondage or discipline in your interactions. A DDlg relationship doesn't have to have rules or punishments. It's whatever you need and what works for you. 

 

So, the more complicated answer: No. DDlg is not BDSM. One is relationship, the other activities. This assumes a separation of D/s from BDSM. Is DDlg a D/s relationship? Usually, but not always. In the end, it doesn't matter. Don't let terminology define your relationship or your role and activities in that relationship. Let your relationship define your terminology. 

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It matters on the relationship. Daddy and I's is barely scraping bdsm. I get spankings as punishment but thats about it. 

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The following is my opinion:

 

It isn't a simple yes or no as it depends on the relationship. Not all DDlg/Cgl relationships follow a D/s dynamic. There is no rule that states that the little must be submissive and the Daddy dominant. Nor, is there a rule that states that anyone in the relationship has to be submissive or dominant.  I, personally, prefer to separate the D/s from BDSM. You can be in a D/s relationship without bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism. Just as you can participate in BDSM activities without it being part of a D/s, M/s, or any other power dynamic relationship. 

 

You can be a Daddy and not be dominant or submissive (a switch is someone who is both). Just as you can be a little that is neither submissive or dominant. Just as you don't have to have bondage or discipline in your interactions. A DDlg relationship doesn't have to have rules or punishments. It's whatever you need and what works for you. 

 

So, the more complicated answer: No. DDlg is not BDSM. One is relationship, the other activities. This assumes a separation of D/s from BDSM. Is DDlg a D/s relationship? Usually, but not always. In the end, it doesn't matter. Don't let terminology define your relationship or your role and activities in that relationship. Let your relationship define your terminology. 

I must agree with this. 

 

My Wifey and I are equal in everything their is no dominance or submission aspect to any portion of our lives. She does have things that she is responsible as I have others but we always communicate and keep the others informed. It is merely out of convince that we separate the tasks at all. Even when I am little she is not dominate over me nor am I submissive it is just a loving mutual respect we have for each other. 

 

Now this is not to say that BDSM can not play a part in CG/l but it is not necessarily a part. Much as cross-dressing can be a part, or ageplay a part, or watersports a part.

 

Simply put every relationship is different (not just within a specific community but EVERY singe relationship) and rarely will they fit into one predefined specific box.  Or as a podcast host I listen too often says "labels are just conversation starters".

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I would agree with the original poster.  Just because it doesn't have to fit into the four words that make up the acronym, doesn't separate it from the spirit of what the term encompasses.  It is role-playing and power exchange, so yea, I think it fits within.

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DDlg by it's nature a parent/child relationship, and that by it's very nature is a power differential. I have a child, she is not my equal. I take her opinions into consideration out of love, but I choose to do that, that's not something I feel she deserves by default as an inexperienced human being. She does not possess enough life experience to have that sort of control over her life at 7 years old. I am in control, we are not equals.

 

To choose to continue that sort of power differential as an adult is the dictionary definition of a power exchange, and a relationship with a significant power exchange is, indisputably, BDSM, regardless of what the letters stand for.

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Guest Princessaj

In all, there is choice.

 

In both, they are a "Lifestyle."

 

Please choose what makes your "Lifestyle" work for both/all of you.

 

Hugs

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