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Feeling distant


Guest call me pabs
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Guest call me pabs

Aloha,

 

I've been feeling distant towards my inner Daddy/dom. I find myself not visiting this place or any other DDlg related boards anymore. My fetlife has been gathering dust, I don't read up on DDlg anymore and "the growth" of my inner Dom has become stagnant (I hope you understand what I mean :D ). To summarize; the lifestyle rarely pops up in my mind and my inner Daddy/dom is on hold.

 

It used to be different. In the past, I would spend most of my time trying to be a part of the community and ddlg was very prevalent in my mind on a day-to-day basis. For example, getting to know a girl (vanilla) and learning about her 10 year old stuffie that she still keeps around or about how much she likes Disney movies, would have me thinking "Oh, that's sooooo cute." And send me right into "Daddy space" :p . It's not much like that anymore. 

 

Moreover, the drive of finding someone to share DDlg with has gone down quite a lot. That doesn't mean I've turned full vanilla, I'm still very sure that DDlg is the way to go for me. However, as of right now, I feel like there's no point to look for someone, since what I'm looking for is so specific that I'm better of dating "vanilla" and look for that hidden little in someone. But that's another story I guess. 

 

I have to admit that I've changed quite a bit in the last year. I'm living a more "reckless" (let's call it like that) lifestyle. My personality also heavily clashes with the expectations you'd have of someone who calls themselves a Daddy/dom. (Important: I'm not saying you have to fit specific rules/characteristics to be a Daddy/dom, everybody is their own and can be a Daddy/dom if they feel like they are). Don't get me wrong, I would still consider myself a caring, nurturing type of person that enjoys taking a more dominant role, however im also not the one to be super duper cutesy about everything and the way I view some things are quite different from what I've seen on here most of the time. Also, I'm still 21, I enjoy things that I'm pretty sure would be frowned upon around here. I'm not sure how to exactly word it and I don't feel like dwelving into it.

 

What's the point of this wall of text?

Well, I want to ask you, have you ever felt distant to DDlg, be it CG or little?

Could it be a phase? Will I ever feel "close to my inner Daddy/dom" again?

 

What's coming next is not directly DDlg related and it might be better suited in another topic but w/e, that's why I'm putting it at the end. However, this has me bothering much, much more than me feeling distant towards DDlg. I'm starting to actually not feel (some days even as close as to disliking) my ABDL side / Diaper fetish. This is more of a sexual thing for me rather than it being a lifestyle like DDlg is. My attraction to diapers as been around since forever, I've literally always had a thing for them. This fetish has been part of me since I started discovering my sexuality, porn, learning about different fetishes. They ultimately brought me to BDSM and finally to DDlg.

 

I wouldn't go as far as saying that they define my sexuality or me as a person, but they have always played a role regarding my sexuality. I used to enjoy wearing them from time to time, for the joy they would give me, the safe space or the sexual pleasure. I'd be happy being able to live out my fetish and have no regrets or negative feelings about it. Note; I never had any trouble with this side of me, I was perfectly cool with it and accepted it as part of me. Luckily there is the internet, as soon as I found out this is a thing I wasn't afraid to be "weird". As of lately though, I just can't get around of wearing, I don't enjoy it and when I look at my stash, I wish it was gone. They're just not the same turn-on as they used to be, same goes to diaper related porn it has lost its magic, it's not the same turn-on.

 

The problem is, despite me not enjoying it anymore and somewhat disliking it, I know it's still a part of me and it won't completely disappear. They'll still turn me on, because it is somewhat "hard coded" in my brain. It's a part of me, even if I'm not feeling connected to it. When I think of it, it's pretty scary. Like a love-hate relationship. I don't hate myself for it, fetishes are fetishes and sometimes you just can't explain why you like something and that's ok but I wished I could make it go away. I hope the way I wrote it makes somewhat sense.

 

Am I outgrowing it? Am I burnt out from it? What is happening?

 

If you've read until here, thank you very much ^_^

 

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Pabs, 

I think there is at times a natural ebb and flow to our emotions and connections to things.  I have absolutely no doubt at all that I am a DaddyDom in my personality and emotional make-up.  It took me many years and the care of an absolutely amazing young lady to help me see that it was always there, but it was well worth the journey.  Like you, I dove hard and deep into the lifestyle, reading and learning everything I could.  My appetite for learning was insatiable.  All I wanted was to be the best Daddy to my Bbg that I possibly could.   

 

I relate to the disconnect you are feeling though. For me, a relationship defines itself as vanilla, DDlg, or whatever based on the people in the relationship, the depth/maturity of the relationship, and the needs of the people who share it.  When the relationship calls for "Daddy", the internal drive within me to be that goes wild. However, when the relationship is not at that point, there can be a lag or disconnect.  I tend to liken it to the NFL training camps that are going on right now.  Those men know how to play football all year long.  They are football players - it's who they are.  During the off season they are still players, but they are not always as intense as they are when the season rolls back around.  Again, when the need is there, I find the fire is intense.  But when there is no relationship, or when the lifestyle does not match the needs of the relationship, I find I tend to be a bit less intense and sometimes feel a bit disconnected from the inner Daddy that I know is my true self.

 

I am just another Daddy on a journey much like you.  These are just my thoughts.  I hope they might help you in some way.  I wish you all the best.

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Guest Princessaj

Thanks so much for including us in your journey of all things and everything....

 

When I was 21, I was into so many different things all at once. Some lasted longer than others...always a little/middle, but didn't know it had a name until one year ago.

 

Clinically speaking...I think you are being way too hard on yourself. "Your self" is a never ending journey of discovery, taking on board, discarding, embracing, departing, revisiting...endless opportunities to self. 

 

You are also living in a day and age....OMG I am sounding like some older person that I heard things from in my past...

 

The day and age we are all living in now has tons more stress, distraction and disruption than anyone really knows or understands. Bottom line...too many choices

 

Its great to be analyzing and studying self, forever.  Life is a flow. Don't build dams or you might miss something that may or may not be of more or less of importance at some time or another.

 

When I look back at my 21 year old self, I am so glad that I never stopped to "decide" something that in essence would have made me "limited" in the person that I am today.

 

Youth is a license to be free. Age is a prison, if you let it.

 

Please be free, now and forever.

 

I will close with my number one favorite song when I was 19..."Forever Young" Hugs

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGAVwQAmAHs 

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So, I just wanted to say that I completely understand what you're going through. When I first figured out that I was a little, all I wanted to do was read up on the DDLG lifestyle, find other littles, learn all that I could learn! It was almost an addiction. When I found a daddy, I was still very much into it but once that relationship faded, I seemed to all of a sudden not have the same urge to go and read up on the community or go into little space nearly as much.

 

I believe it was a time thing and a personal thing. Time wise, I was coming back home from college and I didn't really want my parents finding out *they are very religious and would never agree with this*, and I also didn't have a daddy anymore and I didn't feel like trying to go through that whole process all over again.

 

However, here I am now, back into my little space more often and reading up on it as much as time allows me to. 

 

I believe that sometimes we need a break from something that we dove head first into. It doesn't mean that we didn't enjoy it or that we don't ever want to come back to it; it just simply means that we got a little burnt out of it or possibly needed time to think things over and analyze everything that we had learned.

 

As for the diaper fetish, I believe that our taste changes as we age. I think that maybe your body is craving something else, something different and this is it's way of trying to tell you this. It's not that it doesn't like it *as you said, it's still a turn on* but maybe it wants something else as well? I dunno, that's just my thoughts on that.

 

I hope that this long message helps you in some way, shape, or form. I do hope you figure things out and that they get better for you sooner rather than later.

 

Much love, Ash.

Edited by ashes.waffle
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I lost my little side a while ago. I rarely, if ever, go into little space anymore and I found myself almost completely disinterested in everything that used to appeal to me about the lifestyle. It, I think, was caused by a change in my life and me as a person over the last six months. 

 

But, here I am on this website yet again. In the past month I've been in little space twice, which is... Is a lot for me, considering. And I'm slowly gaining interest in DDlg again, not forcefully but because I want to. If you're a gamer, or if anyone here is a gamer, you might understand the feeling I'm about to describe to you. So you've been playing a lot of video games lately and you love video games but then one day you wake up and every single game you play just bores you, you can't get that fulfillment from it anymore and so... You stop gaming. Maybe you stop for a week, a month, a few months but you stop. Until one day you look at your console or PC and think damn I would actually love to rank up in Rainbow Six right now, or oh man I actually kinda feel like completing that one game I put aside for so long. And then you play again. 

 

What I'm saying is, you're probably burnt out. It happens to all of us. 

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