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TW Okay with a current self harmer?


Guest MaddieMoo
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I think any daddy worth the title would prefer their little to not cut but it would not be something worth leaving you over. ultimately I believe it is a daddies job to encourage their little to improve themselves become the best version of themselves that is possible.

 

As a switch that leans more toward being a daddy what I would mind is the fact that you are harming yourself which would trigger all protective instincts I have, not that you self harm.

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I think a daddy should mind that their little cuts. It shows mental instability and when going into a relationship it's best that both parties are at the same mental/emotional state or else the one who is more mentally healthy can end up feeling drained/exhausted due to the other ones behaviors. It really effects your personal mental health when you constantly have to deal with someone else's and I don't think that's particularly fair.

 

I think instead of looking for a daddy that accepts your destructive habits you should instead get rid of those habits. I used to self-harm and I know how hard it is to stop but being dependent on other people won't help your situation, it'll just make it worse. If you can stop cutting on your own, for yourself then that's the only way it'll really end. Consider getting professional help as well. 

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We all have issues whether we are daddies or littles. Sometimes they may be small such as a need for order or bei timely. Other times it is big such as self harming.

 

Self harming can be a symbol of something like lack of self worth etc. As a daddy/Dom, we should all be striving to help a little in need and help them feel valued and beautiful.

 

I've had several littles that have cut and some have even stopped with my help. Let me know if I can ever be of help

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I think any daddy worth the title would prefer their little to not cut but it would not be something worth leaving you over. ultimately I believe it is a daddies job to encourage their little to improve themselves become the best version of themselves that is possible.

 

As a switch that leans more toward being a daddy what I would mind is the fact that you are harming yourself which would trigger all protective instincts I have, not that you self harm.

I have to say that I agree here. I think that for any cg worthy of the title/ any REAL one, there top priority is always their little. More specifically, making sure they are safe, protected, cared for, and at the precipice of their potential. Self harm hinders one from ever getting to such a version of themselves because of these reasons that cause self harm. I wouldn't necessarily say it's worth ending things with you over, as groot said, but I do believe that it requires a different kind of temperament in a cg than the ones you've been talking to. No shade on them, it's a lot to handle and deal with, and it's better that they were honest with themselves and didn't try to take on something they weren't ready to handle. I'd say there is some personal growth that needs to be done on your end before we start about finding guys/cgs in general and I'm sure a plethora of ppl here would be more than willing to help you/just listen. If you ever need anything from me, you know where to find me. Good luck with everything! ^^
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Guest Daddy_with_Pride

I agree with the previous posters and can empathize with your situation.  I have friends outside the community who self harm and it takes an emotional burden on me.  I think it is natural for people to want the best for someone they care about (and hopefully also for those they don't care about.  Having said that, we all have our own problems and I personally am not one to judge.  I think it is a shame that you have been abandoned in the past.  My personal approach is to be a supportive and reliable figure in someones lives. I hope that you see your personal beauty inside and out and find whatever you are searching for. 

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  • 4 months later...

I do ouchies (basically cutting but I feel weird saying the real term for it) and my daddy is aware of it and fully admits he doesn't like it however he never tries to stop me as he knows that on several occasions if I didn't do it I would do something much worse. My daddy and I are currently long distance so he always makes me tell him how many I do (though I try to decrease the number by saying some don't count) and that I must wash them within 24 hours to keep them clean (a rule I am very bad at following). As a switch though I am rarely a caregiver I feel more protective than anything.

 

I wouldn't ever say my daddy or most caregivers are ever OK with ouchies but i wouldn't see it being a deal breaker. Much like in a vanilla relationship they wouldn't like it but they wouldn't end things because of it.

Edited by Princesspoopybutt
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Here is what you, and all self-harmers (I was one, so I do understand this) should realize. Some people can't handle the responsibility being with someone who self-harms. As in, they can't handle the weight of knowing you do this and can't stop it. They can't handle the responsibility to help rehabilitate whatever part is causing the urge for self-hard. They can't hand'e the weight of someone is so traumatizing in your life that it leads to self-harm. This doesn't make them bad people and it doesn't make you, or any other self-harmers, bad. It simply means that they are not capable of dealing with this situation.

 

As stated above - almost every CG I can think of will actively try to get their little to stop self-harming. And if they are not trying to stop it, they are going to try to get the little help so the path will ultimately lead to stopping. Self-harm is a sign of psychological distress, ANY loving partner (in DDlg or vanilla) would want to make that distress go away. Because they love and care about you. But as I just explained, some simply cannot understand or handle it in their own life.

 

It is a hard situation to be in. But instead of trying to find a CG who doesn't mind self-harm, I would actively urge you to seek professional help (doctor, therapist, teacher, etc) to take steps in the right direction to help alleviate the need to self-harm. You deserve to live in a life that doesn't make you want to hurt yourself. Everyone deserves that. :heart:

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Being a recovering self-harmer who still has occasional slip ups I have to agree with many others here that depending on another person won't solve the problem and it's something that does need to be solved. Self harm is a dangerous, emotionally taxing, and strenuous thing for not only the self-harmer but the people in their life as well. That being said not everyone can deal with that and that's to be expected. I know some of my friends were worn down when I was at my worst and I never blamed them for needing a break because, as someone who also has friends who self harms, it can be exhausting to watch someone you care about hurt themselves and not be able to help.

 

Any CG worth their salt should ABSOLUTELY mind if their little is self-harming because it means they aren't the best and healthiest person they can possibly be. In fact this goes beyond ddlg and into literally any relationship. Your partner should ALWAYS mind because the person they care about is harming themselves.

 

Self-harm is a pain in the butt to quit. I know this. It's been 10 years and I'm STILL trying. But if you actively seek a partner who doesn't mind that you're currently cutting then it's just reinforcing the idea that continuing that behavior is fine because the person doesn't mind enough to tell you otherwise. The ONLY way quitting works is if you quit for yourself first and foremost. I really suggest seeking professional help rather than a relationship. Stopping the problem will feel a lot better than ignoring it and letting it progress.

 

Seek professional help. People care and people don't want to see you hurt. I know it's hard and I won't sugar coat it. Quitting can be absolute hell but trust me it's worth it and when you form a relationship it'll be a lot happier and healthier because of it.

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I used to self harm as well- almost daily - my Daddy didn’t leave me for it but we both worked towards my stopping and eventually I did stop- I haven’t cut in years, not even the urge. I agree with everyone you should definitely seek professional help. I’m not sure if it would help or not but with me I would cut when I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, find words to express all of the emotions I was feeling.

It was easier for me to deal with concrete, self inflicted pain. I don’t think any one should be left over self cutting but I do think it is a hard concept to deal with and sometimes people don’t know how to react.

When I first told my parents they had almost the opposite reaction and tried to normalize it before dealing with the reality and getting me help. You do need a good support system of friends, family, and if you have a Daddy him too but you also have to want to stop and believe in yourself and your worth.

It’s funny- I read somewhere that if people talked to themselves the way they encourage others it would make such a huge difference. Hot Yoga also really helped me- gave me a place to vent my feelings and leave it all on the mat because the physical practice can be so demanding and the twists and hip openers reach places where you store you emotions.

I hope this helps, because you are one hundred percent worth the effort not to cut <3

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  • 2 weeks later...

I thought I would offer my perspective as the wife of a (mostly) former self harmer. We aren't in a ddlg relationship.

 

On our first date I was aware that he used to do it as it was a hot day and I could see the full extent of the damage he'd done to his arms from cutting and burning. I found it shocking to see but also admired the fact he was allowing me to see it. I also noticed they were 'old scars'. Initially exploring this with him very much strengthened our bond.

 

However the few occassions he has done it since have been some of the most horrible experiences for me, for several reasons. I found it awful to see that he'd done it at all and fallen back, however briefly, into a destructive habit he had fought so hard to break.

 

Also, when he has done it it has, I believe on each occasion, followed an argument we've had. So even though I know he hasn't done it out of spite it has put me in a position where I feel us having an argument, something that happens in all relationships, could result on him cutting. This is probably due to my own difficult processing around it but it has lead to me feeling extremely angry with him.

 

I'm not saying it is right of me to feel angry, but nonetheless this is what this bought up for me. It can be very hard to not take it personally, especially if the act has occurred following a difficult conversation between you.

 

Also my husband has a part of him that loves cutting. He currently has quite a fresh scar from his last binge, and he has talked about how he likes the shape of the scar. Personally I find it horrific to see the relic of his self harming and it hear him talk about it like some sort of novelty when it is the product of his distress.

 

I would not leave him because of his cutting. The only thing that would make me consider leaving him is if my own mental health is too considerably affected by the relationship, but it would be all the factors surrounding the cutting that would lead to that, not just the act itself.

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I self harm sometimes, I’m trying to stop but this has been a PARTICULARLY stressful month, and though I haven’t told my daddy I don’t think he’d approve at all. To echo what everyone else said, no one who truly cares for you will be okay with you continuing to harm yourself.

 

And I KNOW it’s hard (my last one was yesterday so who am I to talk) but you have to get some help. I’ve heard rubber bands/ice / drawing on the body part helps a lot

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