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Never had a daddy....


Guest Prima-Donna
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Guest Prima-Donna

Iv'e never had a daddy before. I'm very shy and don't know how to talk to people very well. I'm also kind of scared of being in a relationship because I have MAJOR trust issues and when guys have tried to ask me out in the past I flip and ruin everything. I want to get past this so I can find my true love and not be scared anymore. Help?

Edited by Prima-Donna
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Guest Mr.Stuffykins

Hmm, well I think its important to take things slow. Seeing as how you're shy and have trust issues then you need to express this to the person you're talking to. That way he/she can, hopefully, assess the situation accordingly. You need to get comfortable with the person you're talking to. It really isnt something you can do because its ultimately on how well the person responds to you. If the person is dedicated, reassuring, loving, and patient then I know in time you'll be able to trust them.

The only thing you can do now is try to be a little more open. This forum will allow you to talk to people and be social with less pressure than doing so in person. So take advantage of that!^^ talk to people in the forum so that you build confidence and shoo away the shyness.

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The thing is, if you go into a relationship and instantly don't have trust that's not a good foundation for the relationship to be built on. You need to work on your trust before anything else. I've struggled with trust in the past and my new years resolution this year was to work on my trust, the one new years resolution that I've actually stuck to actually! 

 

A lot of people feel as though if you have trust issues you can't personally do anything about it - that's wrong. You can. I've done it before myself. And while I'm not claiming that everybody is the same or experiences things in the same way I will say that it definitely isn't impossible to fix these issues yourself, because when it comes down to it you're the one ultimately with the issues and putting that burden on someone else to fix is not only unfair but not a good long-term solution.

 

So now you ask, how? How do you fix these issues by yourself? First off I suggest you ask yourself why you have trust issues to begin with. Is it from past relationship experiences, childhood issues, whatever it may be try to pinpoint that and once you've figured it make sure you're doing a lot of comparisons. For example if you lost trust due to a cheating ex and you're now with someone else - why do you feel the lack of trust? Because of your past. What makes these situations similar? If there are similarities, perhaps discuss them with your partner, if you've assessed the situation and you don't find any then you can safely assume that you're probably overreacting. Make a conscious effort to acknowledge when you're overreacting and when you're not - trust, while it is important to have in your day-to-day life, shouldn't be something that is given lightly. 

 

I hope everything works out for you.

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Guest GalaxyGirl26

I completely understand where you're coming from. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time because I have trust issues. I've been working on them, though, by trying to make friends with people. Sometimes letting people show you that not all people are out to hurt you or make you feel bad can go a long way. I'm in University and I've met a few great girls who have become very close to me. They make me feel less alone in the world, as I have a hard time even making friends. They have shown me through patience and understanding that people can be wonderful, if given the chance. Not all people will be like this, but ones who do more than make up for it.

 

Start with friends whenever you find a guy interesting and take things slow. If he's willing to do that, that's already a great step in the right direction. Get to know one another and build a strong friendship before letting it become more. It will only make for a very successful relationship. I wish you all the luck in finding a way to open yourself up and trust more! <3

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Guest Prima-Donna

I completely understand where you're coming from. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time because I have trust issues. I've been working on them, though, by trying to make friends with people. Sometimes letting people show you that not all people are out to hurt you or make you feel bad can go a long way. I'm in University and I've met a few great girls who have become very close to me. They make me feel less alone in the world, as I have a hard time even making friends. They have shown me through patience and understanding that people can be wonderful, if given the chance. Not all people will be like this, but ones who do more than make up for it.

 

Start with friends whenever you find a guy interesting and take things slow. If he's willing to do that, that's already a great step in the right direction. Get to know one another and build a strong friendship before letting it become more. It will only make for a very successful relationship. I wish you all the luck in finding a way to open yourself up and trust more! <3

This post made me feel not so alone in the world. It's just that iv'e been dealt a bad hand and have experienced more of the bad side of life rather than the good. It's made me very guarded towards anyone knew. I'd love to be friends with you though, you seem like a genuine, kind person. :)

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I think a lot of the advice here has been very sound. Something else to note is that there are some red flags to watch out for when meeting Daddies online. Most importantly, if they are pressuring you to move much more quickly than you feel comfortable, despite you voicing this discomfort, if they start calling themselves Daddy very suddenly or expect you to when you don't know one another, if they use petnames very early and persist when you've asked them not to, or if they in any way try to make you feel guilty or as if you are "not a real little" for setting early boundaries or not submitting to them right away. These are all some signs that this person is not someone who'd offer you a healthy relationship, and would indicate that they'd probably break your trust in other ways within a relationship. Of course, not everyone is like this. But I'd suggest you go through the process outlined by Antoinette if you have doubts about someone while assessing if they have done any of the things I've listed. That way you can distinguish if there's a legitimate reason that you're feeling uneasy or if it's just in your head. Haha hopefully I didn't scare you with these things; I just felt it might help if you had some legitimate red flags to help you distinguish which things to actually watch out for so you can know when it's just your trust issues creating doubt in someone. And hopefully my advice will help you to protect yourself from being in situations where you may get hurt and further worsen the trust issues you already have. In the end the important thing is to listen to your gut if there's something that really feels wrong, and think through each decision. If you just trust yourself then you should be ok.
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Guest Prima-Donna

I think a lot of the advice here has been very sound. Something else to note is that there are some red flags to watch out for when meeting Daddies online. Most importantly, if they are pressuring you to move much more quickly than you feel comfortable, despite you voicing this discomfort, if they start calling themselves Daddy very suddenly or expect you to when you don't know one another, if they use petnames very early and persist when you've asked them not to, or if they in any way try to make you feel guilty or as if you are "not a real little" for setting early boundaries or not submitting to them right away. These are all some signs that this person is not someone who'd offer you a healthy relationship, and would indicate that they'd probably break your trust in other ways within a relationship. Of course, not everyone is like this. But I'd suggest you go through the process outlined by Antoinette if you have doubts about someone while assessing if they have done any of the things I've listed. That way you can distinguish if there's a legitimate reason that you're feeling uneasy or if it's just in your head. Haha hopefully I didn't scare you with these things; I just felt it might help if you had some legitimate red flags to help you distinguish which things to actually watch out for so you can know when it's just your trust issues creating doubt in someone. And hopefully my advice will help you to protect yourself from being in situations where you may get hurt and further worsen the trust issues you already have. In the end the important thing is to listen to your gut if there's something that really feels wrong, and think through each decision. If you just trust yourself then you should be ok.

Iv'e met many frauds online over the years, so I know the red flags pretty well by now.  Thank you for your insight, as it was helpful.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest GalaxyGirl26

This post made me feel not so alone in the world. It's just that iv'e been dealt a bad hand and have experienced more of the bad side of life rather than the good. It's made me very guarded towards anyone knew. I'd love to be friends with you though, you seem like a genuine, kind person. :)

I am so sorry that it took so long for me to get back to this! I am in between moving to a new apartment and getting through University homework. Full time Uni can be a pain! Haha.

I am definitely up for being friends with you! I like to think that I'm a very kind and genuine person. I'll add you and I'm always here if you need a friend. <3

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