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What is ddlg?


Princess Light
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Is it just me? Or does it seem to anyone else that a lot of people are using the ddlg relationship for emotional support/labor for times that they are feeling emotionally vulnerable and needy?

 

Is that what ddlg is? Is that even a kink?

 

Seems to be that is a normal relationship, except if you apply the ddlg lens, it looks like one person in the relationship never learning to manage their own emotions and allows the to be completely dependant on another. Is that ok?

 

Just some thoughts I have trying to understand ddlg. I"m curious to know what others think and feel about it. 

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Personally, I hate that perception of DDlg, this perception has come from younger people being interested in the lifestyle because they tend to be emotionally unstable and want someone else to 'fix' them. 

 

DDlg shouldn't be a dependency, it should be a unique bond between someone who identifies as a little and a caregiver. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. People become dependent on their caregivers, people give their entire lives to that person and just expect everything to be fine and then when they eventually break up they're left in a depressive state and they can't find happiness of emotional stability by themselves because it's always been through that one person. I'm a strong believer of the whole loving yourself before you love anyone else and finding happiness within yourself not others kind of stuff so yea. 

 

I'm not your 'typical' little I suppose because, well, I love my independence. I thrive when I'm alone and in control of myself. Don't get me wrong, I love submitting to my partner but aside from the lifestyle I am my own person. So for me, DDlg is just a kink. It's just a state of mind I go into once in a while, never does it slip into my real life really with regards to emotional stability, and I don't think it should. 

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It is worrisome the number of littles who seem to lack the maturity and even mental stability to manage an adult life and responsibilities, and the number of caregivers who encourage that sort of dependency.

I think a lot of care and responsibility go into having this sort of relationship. A lot of trial and error, open honest discussion and patience too. I think it's for well functioning adults. I'm perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't thrive in this sort of relationship if I couldn't. I told Daddy that I probably couldn't have handled this when I was younger and he said the same thing about himself.

As a side note, one of the best things that I've done for myself is learn how to be happy as a single person. There's no desperation to be in a relationship. I don't have to settle or put up with anyone's crap just so I can have a partner.

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Guest ~*~Sachita~*~

Does it seem to anyone else that a lot of people are using the ddlg relationship for emotional support/labor for times that they are feeling emotionally vulnerable and needy?  On this site?  YES.

 

Is that what ddlg is? Not to me.

 

Is that even a kink?  Trying to define what is and what is not a kink will give you a headache.

 

It looks like one person in the relationship never learning to manage their own emotions and allows the to be completely dependant on another. Is that ok?  Some adults have difficulty learning how to manage their emotions due to metal illness. 

 

You say that you are trying to understand DDLG and I am curious to know what resources you are looking at besides this site.  It was helpful for me to look at info relating to BDSM in general, to see how it applied to me and what I was interested in.  I learned a lot from a podcast called The Fearless Submissive, especially Episode 72 regarding "Save Me Subs".  The episode addresses what seems like a common theme among submissives: waiting for the right dominant to come along who will solve all of their problems - or in our case, a prince to take us away to his castle - and why this is irresponsible on the part of the sub.

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DDlg is not 'supposed' to be for sole dependency - I am hesitant to say '"supposed" because no one should really try to define any lifestyle for another person. However, you have noticed a flaw in our community. 

 

Quite a few littles (a majority being on the younger end) tend to see the DDlg dynamic as a way to go from their original care givers (parents, grandparents, etc) to another in a way of avoiding adult responsibilities. You will see littles who say things like "I can't sleep without a Daddy," or "If I don't have a mommy, I never remember to take my medication." Sadly this is the dependency level of which you speak - passing their personal responsibility to a CG simply so they don't have to deal with it. Granted, some really do have problems with day-to-day life due to mental or physical illness. But even then, in my opinion, a person should have a grasp on their own issues before expecting someone else to take them into their own life.

 

Now, on the flip side, there are quite a few CGs on here that expect a certain level of dependency - which is just as unhealthy. I've seen quite a few relationships happen within a day and then the CG expects to have 100% control over their little and that isn't quite right either. A CG should learn about the person and develop a deep relationship if they intend to take over any level of responsibility, especially this sole dependency.  It is the "I am your Daddy, you will only do as I say." type mentality that happens within hours or a day or two that is quite dangerous to both involved, especially the little.

 

Either way - this  type of dynamic is not what the DDlg world is really about (in my opinion). Yes. there is definitely a Dominant/submissive aspect to which the CG literally does take ownership of aspects of the little's life. But the dynamic should not be an excuse to ignore the adult world and make someone else do it for you.

 

DDlg is about connecting with someone on such a deep level that you would trust that person to have that level of control, even if it doesn't happen. You two have grown so close that this bond surpasses that of a normal relationship, and delves into the depths of deep submission (even if you are a disobedient little). Why? Because you, as a little, are being vulnerable enough to allow your CG to take control. And you, the CG, are being receptive enough, and strong enough, to shoulder not only your own life, but the life of another in a very intimate and taxing way. 

 

A DDlg relationship is a very difficult relationship because both sides connect so heavily, in my opinion. You expose yourself more in this relationship because of some of the elements involved (pacis/bottles, diapers, littlspace, CGspace, rules, submission, etc) which means you are endeared to one another on a whole other level. Though it is a taxing endeavor, joining a DDlg dynamic, it is most definitely rewarding if both sides are communicating properly and are equally invested.

 

In my opinion - the DDlg dynamic is the most intimate form of a relationship. But then again, I am fully biased :D But as I mentioned earlier, the dynamic is many different things for many different people. And it just happens that some people use it as an excuse to have no responsibility in the adult world. But no matter what theme you see (that, age play, pet play, D/s, etc), I would caution to not assume that is what the 'dynamic' is. It quite literally is whatever you make of it. Don't limit yourself! :)

 

[Most of all of this is my opinion and I am NOT passing judgement on anyone, especially because I don't know anyone's life position.]

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I want to add that it's FUN! It's great to be able to let go of the responsibilities of the day and relax and play and be playful. I love that I get to enjoy the things that I've loved since a childhood in a childlike way. That, for a chunk of time, I get to push aside the role I have to play as an adult and let someone take care of my child self in a way that is deeply meaningful to both of us. AND FUN.
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Daddy and I have been discussing this lately. We have noticed that younger people have a tendency to use it to avoid being grownups more than older people. Some people are trying to just explore and figure out who they are and what they want.

 

We have also been discussing the whole kink thing. For us ddlg is a lifestyle. I am a sub and a little, Daddy is a daddy and a dom. That isn't always the case and every person/coupe is different. We tend to view it as this: ageplay=kink,ddlg dynamic=lifestyle.

 

This is just how we view the topic. Others may have different opinions.

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Guest Mittens

Ho boy... I'm going to get a lot of slack for this one. -rolls up sleeves- I took it upon myself to read all other comments to see if there is a response that could sum up my views. Well, there isn't, sorry for everything.

 

For DDLG being a kink, only a kink, and nothing but a kink so help us all..  If we can classify it as a kink, it would fall into BDSM. Dom and Sub can be defined any way it wants.. Is there a special group of a Dom/Sub that wants degradation and one that doesn't? Usually people make their own dynamics in the system. So if you're a dom and sub you don't have to identify as liking one thing or another. is there a specific group that says "I am a sub that likes be called only a whore and nothing else?" No.. They just do it.. They have their own guidelines to following things but it doesn't mean they are in a subcategory of their own. So when we look at DDLG, the ONLY aspect that defines under BDSM is the Dom and Sub aspect. Everything else is a kink in and of it's own. What I am getting at is, DDLG is about a structured relationship of rules, man doms and subs do that now but without the littlespace side, and you could easily get rid of the term DDLG and hold it in a sexual light without needing to be in any special little groups we have for it. So, what's the point of DDLG altogether? Nothing if it's sexualized. So we need to look into other reasonings.

 

One of the things that saddens me, is peoples views on life. There is nothing wrong with getting emotional support. Many littles go into littlespace to get away from the worries of the world. Many littles still have to adult, may littles still like doing adult things, honestly, it's no different than smoking weed or drinking for people. It's called an escape. But instead of relying on a chemical effect, they choose to keep their bodies healthier and do a more comfortable approach and go to their partners for emotional support. If anyone thinks that you shouldn't go to a partner for emotional support, then never get married. I will feel bad for your partner. Never ever go to them for help. Don't go to them for advice, don't go to them for anything. That's all emotional support. "Does my butt look big?" "how does this outfit look" Psychologically, this all defines emotional insecurity. So you all have your own emotional support you need, so to really say it's wrong to have emotional support from your partner, then all you want is sex. Go find a friends with benefit, and don't think, talk, or try to understand a relationship. You two can be strong, independent and you both can just screw all day long. Hey you can have a friend with benefits who is mutual and exclusive to you. That's not hard to do for many. That's all it sounds like you want. Obviously people don't know what people say when they marry someone, those words spoken are to define marriage and what it entails. When you're married one persons problems are another and vice versa. You help each other through problems of life. 2 heads are better than one, plus what is hard for you to manage, is easy for your partner and what is hard for them is easy for you. You give each other the support you need. How can one objectify something by saying the want or need for emotional support is wrong. I don't believe I can hear someone say that and not be heated. 

 

Using someone is always wrong, but those with these mental disorders, love the person still. Everyone has a mental disorder of some sort. It could be depression, it could be bi polar, it could be narcissism and arrogance and anything else. We all have our own problems. It doesn't make us bad people. I am on the autistic spectrum but I love feel think and understand like anyone else. It doesn't make me different, and most of all, none of us have a choice in what we have to go through. And all this comment said to me was how much empathy and understand of someone else you have. The not willing to be understand not wanting to know not wanting to care, just pushing ones views on another and calling it ok. Some need that rush you get from a relationship, it's no different than the rush of exhibitionism. Yeah, they may be dependent on a person, but that's the rush they get from it. Again, no different than the rush of almost getting caught in public which is the same rush as stealing when people steal for the rush and not for worse reasons. The point is, they want that high the same one most of you rush towards with drugs. The feeling, the high, the euphoria, is the same. You just need different ways of getting it. Some do heroine, some do meth, some drink alcohol, some smoke weed. It's all the same feeling you guys get, those endorphins you feel doesn't feel any different than the other. The only thing different is the rush of them you get, some get more than others. And to fight the "alcohol and weed are natural substances" speech, so is the endorphins that are released, and so it most drugs or you wouldn't test positive for opiates if you ate poppy seeds.. You know, the very things that it is extracted from. Also Opium used to be legal and it was widely used like weed was and it was thought to be medicinal and healthy for the humans and body, so, have fun on your opiates (sorry had to throw a jab to those who have mental illnesses by psychological definition by creating an excuse and going into denial for their actions. Yes I pointed this out to show you it's a mental disorder to make excuses and going into denial, or groups wouldn't exist to fight it. I am only putting you all on equal terms with those you are bashing, that's all I'm doing. Not saying what you do feel or think is wrong, I am only putting you on equal footing.) You can't get mad at someone for having a want for that happy feeling, it requires another human in order to get it though. Much like you need another human to grow your food for you and make your clothes for you and fix your car for you and repair your house and electrical and plumbing issues. We rely on people ever day of our lives. You get up and go to work, if your work had 0 people enter, you'll lose your business and have no money. You rely on customers, meaning you rely on people. We all do, we all do it differently, get over it. Your way isn't better than anyone elses. You're is just as important as theirs.

 

 

And DD:G which is caregiving. I don't like people separate Daddy/mommy dom and Caregiving. It's their way to further subjectify into groups and labels which only pulls us farther apart from each other. When you create distinctions it creates hate and opposing mentalities which causes fighting and bickering and then the people who created the distinction get more angry and made and then discriminate against the other that is fighting to defend themselves. Look around you, watch the news, go to these towns yourself. It happens all the time. DD/MD is caregiving. That's the "dynamic" of DDLG, go look up definitions. It can be used as a kink to, but it's supposed to be a dominate figure who creates discipline and structure to a submissive figure who cannot function these on their own. Be it roleplay or lifestyle, that is what it is.  I paraphrase, the definitons I find all state caregiver or caregiver role. Caregiving, well that name is self explanatory, but apparently it's wrong to you guys to caregive to anyone. People who can't manage their own lives, or people who don't know how to function properly are being attacked by people like you. All you say is "Live for yourself" or "get over it." or "manage your own emotions." IF THEY KNEW HOW THEY WOULD, instead of attacking them, try HELPING them. If you even can. I spend so much time learning about people, why they do what they do, why they think how they think, so i can figure out how I can help them and give them the best advice I can. I try to help people, and if I go around saying "You need to manage your own emotions" I'll only get negative results and make the problem worse. That's what is offensive about all your posts. It's never about helping people or figuring them out, it's always about "you're wrong".  I'm not saying your views are wrong, not saying your choices are wrong, I am saying how you all are going about things is wrong. How you attack people, not help, judge, and just label everything to create distinctions. Many of your friends here you may love, but they won't tell you about their insecurities... They are scared to, many whom you love are like this themselves. It hurts for me to see you bash the very people you all love. I TALK to people, I know who in the chats suffer from this, and I see you who go in chat who you talk to and am friends with and love being around. I know which ones are what and it's no different than going to the one you love and saying "You shouldn't be like this, it's horrible it's wrong, it's disgusting, you need to change" That's how I see it, and it hurts to see. So where many won't stand up and talk, I hope to be their voice.

 

Don't get me wrong princess light, I'm not directing this at you entirely, but everyone as a whole, nor do i mean any offense by the things I say. I am only trying to get a point across to you and everyone else. 

 

For me, I could live a normal life, but I won't enjoy it. I could live for myself, and I hate it. I lack selfishness. I live off 80 a month in food. One month I gave my friends over 500 in food when they needed it. I live frugally, I don't need much of anything. Give me a computer, internet, a house, electricity, stove, fridge, a blanket (give or take a bed) clothes and I'm good. I don't need a collection, I don't need to go out everyday. In fact the sunlight makes me sick, I have a mild sun allergy, no I don't melt or smoke, but it causes my body to fight itself. So i hate the sun, i can't even enjoy many normal acitivies, but even if I did want to, I can't. I love tennis, guess what, requires another person. I love to be competitive, guess what, requires another person. Everything I enjoy, requires another person in life, and people tell me I need to live for myself. Alright, I will hit a tennis ball against the wall and compete with a wall. It's not creative, it can't do special moves and challenge me, I like to challenge myself against others. All my activities, require someone else. Love, isn't about challenge, love to me is about care trust communication and responsibility. To find someone you can get along with, go places with, do things with, to share your day with. I never had friends, i moved every 2 years of my life, and when I finally got friends, they all just used me and then left.  DDLG is giving me friends who won't leave who do care who i can share things with and they actually care. DDLG is curbing my loneliness and if it's so wrong to rely on people for emotional support, then toss every single friend of yours and live alone. Dont' speak to a single human for 10 years, I had to. And let me tell you, it made me realize just how much we all need people and how much I need friends and someone to be with me. You guys are so hypocritical, you won't be willing to give up anyone in your life, but it's wrong to rely on people? Don't talk about your problems. Bad day at work? don't tell anyone about it. Bottle every emotion up, go ahead. Don't tell a soul about your life or your problems, you got this, you don't need emotional support. Some people, have a lot going on, and all at once. It overwhelms them, they need to work on them one at a time and need help keeping the others off. That isn't wrong, that isn't bad. We all have needs we all have wants we all have desires. And attacking someone for theirs, isn't right, or you'll get someone like me attacking you for yours.

 

Now, let the hate full up my feed, I will get to it when I get to it. 

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