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Needing advise...


Senpoii
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Hey all, I'm needing some advise and turning to the community for help.

Let me start with some of my history.

My first ever little was a year ago. I met her through an MMORPG Tera, and we would skype all the time.

I learned from her about DDLG and she taught me how to be a daddy.

She was very bratty, but seemed more like a middle/nymphet.

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Skip forward quite a few months.

We ended up ending the relationship, it was extremely difficult, but as time passed I was introduced to a new middle who was as well

new to the ddlg scene. We were together not that long due to some major differences that didn't attract us well.

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summing up, both the relationships were great at the end of the day. I was comfortable with them and how they acted.

keep in mind they were both middles, not littles.

But,

This is where my fear and concern comes in.

I've been wanting to explore and try finding a little instead of a middle. But the thought of pacifiers and diapers and such all really make me

uncomfortable. Is this a common barrier to overcome? Or am I simply just trying to look for something I'm not interested in. Should I stick with middles?

I love being called daddy, it makes me feel great. But everything else... I feel unsure of.

At this point after I've been vanilla the past few months, I've lost sight of what my interests are in DDLG and what I should be searching for.

Please give me some earnest responses so I don't hurt myself, or the littles in this community.

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Not all littles like pacis and diapers.. i guess its about finind one that suits you :) time is key, dont rush a relationship.. discover each other likes and dislikes and decided from there if you want to experiance a relationship together sorry if this is what you already know its the best i got

 

Much love

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Well, I don't know you personally, so there's no way to tell from this post exactly where you are on the kink scale. But, it may be that it's more of a kink for you than a lifestyle or relationship dynamic. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I think you might benefit from some introspection about what drew you to DDlg in the first place.

 

Ask yourself some serious questions like, am I a Dominant? If so, in what ways do I want to express that dominance? Do I want a 24/7 dynamic, or do I want something a bit lighter and flexible? Would I be more comfortable participating in roleplay, or do I want to be a Caregiver?

 

There's a lot more questions you could ask yourself as well, but these can get you started. If you find you like the thrill of being called Daddy during sex or other interactions, that's actually quite common, and you can find partners inside and outside the kink community that share those same desires.

 

Being a Daddy in this lifestyle demands a lot of patience, attention, and effort. It's not for everyone. If you feel you'd rather have a more vanilla relationship sprinkled with some daddy kink, that's perfectly fine. But, you owe it to yourself and your potential partners to understand what it is you're really looking for and be honest about your wants and expectations before starting a relationship.

 

Hope this was helpful, and good luck out there.

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Guest littleaddie

I think you should stick with what ur comfortable with which is middles. But like @lcarus said not all littles like pacis and diapers. If u do want a relationship with a little u should ask what they like about being a little.

 

Hope i helped :)

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Guest Georgia-Daddy2
I started out not liking the paci or diaper parts either (I still will not deal with diapers some do I can't) but the paci part doesn't bother me anymore because it can easily be replaced with your thumb and it just makes it Adorable but you may not like that either but some littles don't want/need them and that doesn't make them any less little than another just be patient and if you want to try and get out of your comfort zone you might trying being a baby sitter that way you can see what a little is like but you won't break her heart just a thought
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Most guys ive been with who's been a bit uncomfortable around pacifiers has started to enjoy them when Ive "introduced" them to it. Might be cause to me its a way of them telling me to be quiet xD and also, one can play with the paci, I enjoy that. But then again I am a bit of a furry too. I dont NEED my paci for stress, i just find it to be an easy way of my CG to tell me to be quiet or to calm myself.

 

I find it hard to draw a line between middle/little and such. Because I only see myself as a little, some have told me I'm more of a middle, but again I find it hard to draw a specific line there. I like pacis but not sippy cups or diapers.

 

If you feel like youve lost track of what you want in a DDLG relationship I think its a good idea to start figuring it out. Read through this forum and see what you like and not like. Try to maybe talk with other littles just as a friendly chat? See if that gives you anything

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It makes me wonder what you think the difference is between littles and middles... while not all littles do diapers or even paci's perhaps what you truly are craving as a sweeter more submissive middle or perhaps someone with a little age around 8 would do the trick?

 

You already mentioned your first was a brat but the second one you don't really say what she was or why it didn't work out. What is it about littles that makes you curious to give it a try? you already said what you don't like but you never said what made you feel tempted if that makes sense. Your answer might be there.

 

It really sounds like you need to be more flexible with labels and read a bit more about the lifestyle or at least interact more with the community. Whatever that first girl taught you, it was to be HER daddy and it might not work with other girls.

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Don't get too hung up on the labels.  There are lists of definitions but everyone is going to have their own interpretation.  Concentrate on what you actually want rather than what you think you ought to want.

To me, little is a broad term that includes middles, babygirls, and whatever else isn't big...

 

Be honest about yourself and what you want is probably the best way not to hurt anyone, including yourself.

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I appreciate all the responses so far, I really do. A lot of it is confusion I guess on my end. I'm gonna try to read up a bit more and see what it is I'm seeking... I guess based off some of the responses as well I lack knowledge, which I really do, I'm still trying to learn both the kink and myself with it. @a cuddly dom, those are very good questions I should be asking myself, but haven't as of yet. I'm going to take my time to answer them personally and piece together some more things mentally for myself.

 

@lil nelli, I'm going to brush myself into that a bit as well. It seems I'm still fairly uneducated with some of the terms/types.

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Guest Mittens

So this is interesting to say the least. Not all littles like paci's not all littles are into diaper play. Yeah some are, but it depends on the age regression. Honestly if you love someone, what they are into or like shouldn't matter. It should always be about how well you two connect than the material things around you. for awhile things like abdl was weird to me, but with the right person it didn't matter, and I learned to actually find love and enjoyment in it. If these things are a snare to you, then just don't get close to anyone who does them. There are littles who don't use paci or diapers, just associate with those.

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If you are curious on where you stand with DDlg, here is a piece I wrote that can help you determine where the dynamic fits into your preference - https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/?do=findComment&comment=70163

 

As for middle/little - It is actually very common for a lot of people to start with looking for middles (to identify with or be with ) because lets be honest,  that is more socially acceptable than a little. There is less stigma associated with being/being with a middle who acts like a teen versus a little who acts like a toddler. But there is one thing you HAVE to remember - just because you are uncomfortable doesn't mean you don't like it. You can be uncomfortable for many reasons, some of which being inexperience. The discomfort can come from the stigma associated with the toddler age or the unfamiliarity of pacis/diapers. And there is nothing wrong with that. You may be subconsciously telling yourself it is wrong to like these things because, regardless of how the community sees it, DDlg is a taboo lifestyle/kink. So it is NOT uncommon to feel uncomfortable at first (or even for a bit). It just means you need to explore things thoroughly to get a better grasp on what is okay for you and what is NOT okay for you.

 

You may like being with a little once you experience it. Dealing with pacis, sippies, bottles, diapers, onesies, etc may seem daunting at first. But once you experience them with a partner, you may find them absolutely adorable. And then again, you may not. You may find that they simply aren't your thing just as easily. WHICH IS OKAY! But as others said, just because someone is a little doesn't mean they use all the "little/ABDL" items. You may find a little who acts like a toddler without the pacis and diapers. And she may be a better match for you. It all comes down to exploring these areas of the dynamic with someone you TRUST - trust being the BIGGEST factor here. Being with an ill-suited partner (even a temporary partner can be a well fitted partner) can lead to negative associations to these things even if you like that. Which will make things that much harder for you.

 

Then of course, you may simply find that you don't like little items or the little age. And that is nothing to be frustrated or mad about. It is simply your preference. And it is better you are honest with yourself (and others) so you can develop happy and healthy relationships. Long story short - don't assume you are forced to like one type simply because that is what you have gravitated towards. I urge you to explore and experience everything the dynamic has to offer, even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable. I mean... I was uncomfortable calling my partner Daddy when we first got together, not because of him, but just because of my experience. I've never called a man Daddy before and it was hard for me to do so. Now I never use his name. He IS Daddy. And I LOVE it. So pushing some discomforts can well pay off. 

 

Just be patient with yourself. Don't force yourself to rush into any assumptions. Allow yourself to develop an understanding of yourself as a CG and what you like in your partner naturally. Once you have an idea, you can begin to experience it, again at a natural pace and then you'll discover things you never even thought of before. Its a fun thing! A happy time! Enjoy the discovery! Just don't ever feel badly for what you like or dislike. We all have different preferences and there is NOTHING wrong with that! :heart:

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Also... I want to say a monumental THANK YOU for being a big enough person to reach out for help. You openly admitted to being not informed and wanting to stop from hurting yourself or anyone else in the community. It takes a very mature, very thoughtful individual to admit their "shortcomings" (which I don't think you have, rather just inexperience) and as for help. It takes a lot to admit when you don't understand something. So seriously, kudos. I wish a lot more people in our community were as honest with themselves as you are, instead of assuming they know what is "right and "wrong."

 

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."

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Also... I want to say a monumental THANK YOU for being a big enough person to reach out for help. You openly admitted to being not informed and wanting to stop from hurting yourself or anyone else in the community. It takes a very mature, very thoughtful individual to admit their "shortcomings" (which I don't think you have, rather just inexperience) and as for help. It takes a lot to admit when you don't understand something. So seriously, kudos. I wish a lot more people in our community were as honest with themselves as you are, instead of assuming they know what is "right and "wrong."

 

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."

 

 

And a big thank you as well for such a thought out and informative post... I really do respect the time you've taken to reply to my post... I'm really hoping to learn, grow, and love through this forum. I've been here for a year, always kind of in the dark and to myself. Never posted much and tossed the forum on the backburner until just recently.

I'm hoping to soon find myself a little/middle - let me rephrase, a partner on this site that I can learn with, love with, and enjoy a long time with.

 

All in time, of course!... THANK YOU again. I really do appreciate your comment to my post, A massive +1 to you and everyone else who've helped me learn a lot more within the time I've posted this.

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