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    Dad jokes... The punnier the better


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    57 replies to this topic

    #1 Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:32 PM

    How does NASA organise a party?
    They planet!

    There's a new type of broom out
    It's sweeping the nation

    There was a kidnapping earlier
    I woke him up

    How do you make holy water
    You boil the hell out of it
    • CuddleMonster89, KittenLovesMe, 喵了个咪😽 and 8 others like this

    #2 Gabby's_Fuzzy_Minion

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:39 PM

    whats forest gumps password?

    1forest1 

     

    what time do you go to the dentist?

    tooth-hurty

     

    why dont they play cards in the jungle?
    too many cheetahs 


    • CuddleMonster89, 喵了个咪😽, PinkiePie🐩 and 7 others like this

    #3 Guest_DucklingMike_*

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 05:44 PM

    How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
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    #4 Guest_JekyllTheMysticalDaddy_*

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 07:01 PM

    Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

    It's okay. He woke up
    • PinkiePie🐩 likes this

    #5 webdragon

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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 12:56 AM

    I used to have a job at a calendar factory but i got the sack cuz i took a couple of days off.

     

    Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

     

    A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'

     

    How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, 'ribbit, ribbit' and a horney yoad says, 'rub it, rub it'.

     

    I just watched a program about beavers.

    It was the best damn program I've ever seen.

     

    Don't trust atoms.

    They make up everything.


    • PinkiePie🐩, Princess18💖 and alecwhitacre like this

    tumblr_nskcm9DcB41s9f79po1_500.gif


    #6 SkunkPrincess

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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 03:23 AM

    I love the way the earth rotates, it really makes my day!


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    #7 Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy

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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 06:55 AM

    White horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a whiskey
    Bartender says to the horse "you know there's a whiskey named after you right?"
    Horse: "what? There's a whiskey named Clyde?"

    #8 Strawberryalmondmilk

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    Posted 22 August 2017 - 07:03 PM

    What did the buffalo say to his son leaving for college.

    Bison.
    • PinkiePie🐩 and Toggy like this

    #9 Deanb93

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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 09:40 AM

    Parallel lines have so much in common but it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

     

    Two walnuts and a cashew get into a fight in a bar. The cashew says, "Pecan somebody your own size!"


    • PinkiePie🐩, DaddySweetDaddy, Babygirl1341 and 1 other like this

    #10 PinkiePie🐩

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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 10:13 AM

    How do you get pikachu on a bus?
    You poke-em-on

    Did you hear about the guy who cut off his cats tail mowing the lawn? He took him to Wal-Mart because they're the nations largest retailer

    How much does a hipster weigh?
    About an instagram
    • DollDirector, Deanb93 and alecwhitacre like this

    #11 ☆ star ☆

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      ☆ 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙴𝚂𝚂 ☆

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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 10:23 AM

    What do you call an underwater bowling alley?

     

     

     

     

     

    A fishbowl~! :heart:


    tumblr_ndpt67qKTx1ralllqo1_500.gif


    #12 Amai

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    Posted 19 October 2017 - 07:14 AM

    Why is Peter Pan always flying? ...Because he neverlands! (This joke never gets old *badumtss*)

    *Backs up car* Ahh, this takes me back...

    What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? ...A Labracadabrador!

    Hi dad, did you get your hair cut? ...No, I got them all cut

     

    The man said that he could see that my glass is empty and asked if I would like another one ..."Why would I want two empty glasses?"

     

    Why did the old lady fall down the well? ...She didn't see that well (...)

     

    Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing!

    Is there a hole in your shoe? ..."No"... Then how did you get your foot in there?

    *Driving past cemetery*

    Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?
    "No, why aren't they?"
    ...Because they aren't dead yet


    My wife gave birth today.

    I thanked the doctor, pulled him aside and asked him "How soon do you think we will be able to have sex?" 
    to which he answered "I'm off duty in 5, meet me in the parking lot" and winked


    Here is a darker one:

    Whats the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them~

    Edit: just noticed an obvious typo ><''

    Edited by Amai, 19 October 2017 - 08:37 AM.

    • Prat(Praetorian), peter6111 and alecwhitacre like this
    pixel strawberry
    strangers passing in the street
    by chance two separate glances meet

     


    #13 Guest_dadBADDY_*

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    Posted 19 October 2017 - 08:20 AM

    What does Snoop Dogg put in his laundry? Bleeeaaacchhh..

     

    Why does Snoop Dogg carry and umbrella? Fo drizzle!



    #14 ReasDaddy

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 03:42 AM

    Whats the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

    I’ve never paid $50 to have a potato on my face


    • MoDaddy, TC95 and alecwhitacre like this

    #15 ReasDaddy

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 03:43 AM

    What type of shoes does a registered sex offender wear?

     

    White Vans

     

    Why did the aluminum can crusher quit his job?

    Because it was soda pressing

     

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick

     

    What you call a boomerang that doesn't come back

    A stick

     

    What did the ocean say when it met the shore?

    Nothing it just waived

     

    What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

    A little hoarse

     

    Do you know how to make holy water?

    You boil the “Hell” out of it 

     

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer yesterday

    I don't know what he “laced” them with… but I've been “tripping” all day


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    #16 Poppa Bear

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:15 AM

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

    El if Rhino.

    #17 Persephone_Persephone

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:28 AM

    You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
    • MoDaddy and peter6111 like this

    #18 Guest_McLeodLot65_*

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:55 AM

    The robber used too many commas, so the judge gave him a long sentence.

    #19 Guest_LittleQueenNikki13_*

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 05:45 AM

    A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting "The end is nigh!"

    It must have been Farmer Geddon


    I just had to take my chameleon to the vets because he cant change colour anymore...

    He has been diagnosed with reptile dysfunction


    Anyone wanna swap some bum jokes?

    I've got piles.
     


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    #20 Persephone_Persephone

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 06:11 AM

    My friend told me this....

    Checkout girl: "Paper or plastic?"
    DAD:"Either, I’m bisacktual.”
    • MoDaddy likes this




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