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    Dad jokes... The punnier the better

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    #1 Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy

    Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy


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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:32 PM

    How does NASA organise a party?
    They planet!

    There's a new type of broom out
    It's sweeping the nation

    There was a kidnapping earlier
    I woke him up

    How do you make holy water
    You boil the hell out of it
    • CuddleMonster89, KittenLovesMe, 喵了个咪😽 and 6 others like this

    #2 Gabby's_Fuzzy_Minion


      Gabby's Creepy Minion

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:39 PM

    whats forest gumps password?



    what time do you go to the dentist?



    why dont they play cards in the jungle?
    too many cheetahs 

    • CuddleMonster89, 喵了个咪😽, PinkiePie🐩 and 6 others like this

    #3 Guest_DucklingMike_*

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 05:44 PM

    How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
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    #4 Guest_JekyllTheMysticalDaddy_*

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    Posted 17 August 2017 - 07:01 PM

    Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

    It's okay. He woke up
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    #5 webdragon



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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 12:56 AM

    I used to have a job at a calendar factory but i got the sack cuz i took a couple of days off.


    Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.


    A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'


    How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, 'ribbit, ribbit' and a horney yoad says, 'rub it, rub it'.


    I just watched a program about beavers.

    It was the best damn program I've ever seen.


    Don't trust atoms.

    They make up everything.

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    #6 SkunkPrincess


      Princess of the skunks

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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 03:23 AM

    I love the way the earth rotates, it really makes my day!

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    #7 Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy

    Mr.Hoolig4n D@ddy


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    Posted 18 August 2017 - 06:55 AM

    White horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a whiskey
    Bartender says to the horse "you know there's a whiskey named after you right?"
    Horse: "what? There's a whiskey named Clyde?"

    #8 Strawberryalmondmilk


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    Posted 22 August 2017 - 07:03 PM

    What did the buffalo say to his son leaving for college.

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    #9 Deanb93



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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 09:40 AM

    Parallel lines have so much in common but it’s a shame they’ll never meet.


    Two walnuts and a cashew get into a fight in a bar. The cashew says, "Pecan somebody your own size!"

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    #10 PinkiePie🐩



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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 10:13 AM

    How do you get pikachu on a bus?
    You poke-em-on

    Did you hear about the guy who cut off his cats tail mowing the lawn? He took him to Wal-Mart because they're the nations largest retailer

    How much does a hipster weigh?
    About an instagram
    • DollDirector, Deanb93 and alecwhitacre like this

    #11 ☆ star ☆

    ☆ star ☆

      ☆ 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙴𝚂𝚂 ☆

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    Posted 24 August 2017 - 10:23 AM

    What do you call an underwater bowling alley?






    A fishbowl~! :heart:


    #12 Amai


      🍓will dance for ice cream

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    Posted 19 October 2017 - 07:14 AM

    Why is Peter Pan always flying? ...Because he neverlands! (This joke never gets old *badumtss*)

    *Backs up car* Ahh, this takes me back...

    What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? ...A Labracadabrador!

    Hi dad, did you get your hair cut? ...No, I got them all cut


    The man said that he could see that my glass is empty and asked if I would like another one ..."Why would I want two empty glasses?"


    Why did the old lady fall down the well? ...She didn't see that well (...)


    Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing!

    Is there a hole in your shoe? ..."No"... Then how did you get your foot in there?

    *Driving past cemetery*

    Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?
    "No, why aren't they?"
    ...Because they aren't dead yet

    My wife gave birth today.

    I thanked the doctor, pulled him aside and asked him "How soon do you think we will be able to have sex?" 
    to which he answered "I'm off duty in 5, meet me in the parking lot" and winked

    Here is a darker one:

    Whats the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them~

    Edit: just noticed an obvious typo ><''

    Edited by Amai, 19 October 2017 - 08:37 AM.

    • Prat, peter6111 and alecwhitacre like this
    pixel strawberry
    strangers passing in the street
    by chance two separate glances meet


    #13 Guest_dadBADDY_*

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    Posted 19 October 2017 - 08:20 AM

    What does Snoop Dogg put in his laundry? Bleeeaaacchhh..


    Why does Snoop Dogg carry and umbrella? Fo drizzle!

    #14 ReasDaddy



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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 03:42 AM

    Whats the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

    I’ve never paid $50 to have a potato on my face

    • MoDaddy, TC95 and alecwhitacre like this

    #15 ReasDaddy



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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 03:43 AM

    What type of shoes does a registered sex offender wear?


    White Vans


    Why did the aluminum can crusher quit his job?

    Because it was soda pressing


    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick


    What you call a boomerang that doesn't come back

    A stick


    What did the ocean say when it met the shore?

    Nothing it just waived


    What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

    A little hoarse


    Do you know how to make holy water?

    You boil the “Hell” out of it 


    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer yesterday

    I don't know what he “laced” them with… but I've been “tripping” all day

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    #16 Poppa Bear

    Poppa Bear

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:15 AM

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

    El if Rhino.

    #17 Persephone_Persephone



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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:28 AM

    You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
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    #18 Guest_McLeodLot65_*

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 04:55 AM

    The robber used too many commas, so the judge gave him a long sentence.

    #19 Guest_LittleQueenNikki13_*

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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 05:45 AM

    A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting "The end is nigh!"

    It must have been Farmer Geddon

    I just had to take my chameleon to the vets because he cant change colour anymore...

    He has been diagnosed with reptile dysfunction

    Anyone wanna swap some bum jokes?

    I've got piles.

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    #20 Persephone_Persephone



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    Posted 20 October 2017 - 06:11 AM

    My friend told me this....

    Checkout girl: "Paper or plastic?"
    DAD:"Either, I’m bisacktual.”
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