Dad jokes... The punnier the better
Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:32 PM
There's a new type of broom out
It's sweeping the nation
There was a kidnapping earlier
I woke him up
How do you make holy water
You boil the hell out of it
- CuddleMonster89, KittenLovesMe, 喵了个咪😽 and 6 others like this
Posted 18 August 2017 - 12:56 AM
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but i got the sack cuz i took a couple of days off.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, 'ribbit, ribbit' and a horney yoad says, 'rub it, rub it'.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best damn program I've ever seen.
Don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
- PinkiePie🐩 and alecwhitacre like this
Posted 24 August 2017 - 10:13 AM
Did you hear about the guy who cut off his cats tail mowing the lawn? He took him to Wal-Mart because they're the nations largest retailer
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an instagram
- DollDirector, Deanb93 and alecwhitacre like this
Posted 19 October 2017 - 07:14 AM
*Backs up car* Ahh, this takes me back...
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? ...A Labracadabrador!
Hi dad, did you get your hair cut? ...No, I got them all cut
The man said that he could see that my glass is empty and asked if I would like another one ..."Why would I want two empty glasses?"
Why did the old lady fall down the well? ...She didn't see that well (...)
Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing!
Is there a hole in your shoe? ..."No"... Then how did you get your foot in there?
*Driving past cemetery*
Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?
"No, why aren't they?"
...Because they aren't dead yet
My wife gave birth today.
I thanked the doctor, pulled him aside and asked him "How soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
to which he answered "I'm off duty in 5, meet me in the parking lot" and winked
Here is a darker one:
Edit: just noticed an obvious typo ><''
Edited by Amai, 19 October 2017 - 08:37 AM.
- Prat, peter6111 and alecwhitacre like this
Posted 20 October 2017 - 03:43 AM
What type of shoes does a registered sex offender wear?
Why did the aluminum can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing
What's brown and sticky?
What you call a boomerang that doesn't come back
What did the ocean say when it met the shore?
Nothing it just waived
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse
Do you know how to make holy water?
You boil the “Hell” out of it
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer yesterday
I don't know what he “laced” them with… but I've been “tripping” all day
- Cryptex. likes this
Posted 20 October 2017 - 05:45 AM
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting "The end is nigh!"
It must have been Farmer Geddon
I just had to take my chameleon to the vets because he cant change colour anymore...
He has been diagnosed with reptile dysfunction
Anyone wanna swap some bum jokes?
I've got piles.
- Persephone_Persephone likes this
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