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Is there something wrong with me?


LittleXCutie
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I guess this could be a bit of a long story. I'm sorry ahead of time if you feel like you have to read it all because you're worried. I'll summarize at the bottom if you wanna skip down there.

I think I've always been this way, on the inside? I'm a pretty independent person, I took care of my little brother when I was a kid, I moved out on my own when I was 16, I'm 20 and I own a little house and live alone, I work two jobs and go to school.

But I want to be loved, and cared for, and played with. I love viewing the world with a child-like sense of awe and wonder. I love to dress up, and play with animals, and sit on the floor and play with toys or other kids. I'm sensitive, and sweet, and affectionate, and a bit naive. I'm short, and I'm usually the youngest wherever I am, so people treat me like a sweet little cutie pie. And it's not condescending. I love it. It's almost like it's not a kink, my boyfriend says it's like I'm an actual child trapped in an adults body.

When I first met my boyfriend/daddy I was really honest about all these things. I was honest about what they meant to me. I was honest about the fact that I'm still figuring out who I am, and that I really loved this part of me. I loved getting to express it and share it with people. And he was all for it. It was great. Before we started dating, we talked about all of these little activities we could do together. And I really thought he was genuinely into it.

But over the past year I've embarrassed him, upset him and made him uncomfortable. His friends tease him because I like to sit on the ground and play with dogs. He brushes me off when I'm being cuddly and affectionate. I can't go over to his house because his parents think I'm a freak. It's just over and over, don't dress like that, don't sit like that, don't act like that, telling me that I don't have any friends because I make people uncomfortable, and that I have to change or else I'm not going to have any. And that this "little thing" isn't more important than being social and happy.

And he doesn't seem to understand why I'm depressed? Why I'm hurting, and I feel like I can't be myself, and why it's unfair that I was honest about what I was like, but he just thought I was exaggerating or something. Like, he calls himself a daddy, and he told me he would dress me up and play with me and hold me, but apparently being a daddy to him just means being called "daddy" while we're having sex his way (not my way! My way is weird, my way makes him feel like a pedophile) or worse, he'll try tapping into my little side to try to get me interested in being intimate, but he's not doing it because he actually feels that way or sees me that way, he's just doing it because he wants to get laid. Because, you know, he's not really getting any because I'm ashamed of myself and don't want to open up like that or be touched like that.

And I don't get it! He was dating a little girl before. I saw his little "rules for babygirl" and all that stuff. I know I can't get shorter or anything, but if I lost some weight would people see it as less weird? I see this whole dainty girl athstetic girls have going, and no one thinks they're weird. It's cute and charming. But I can go months barely eating anything, and I GAIN weight!

I guess I'm just kind of unloading. I'm feeling so broken and lonely and ashamed. I don't have any friends, I don't have any family nearby. I'm on my meds but I've been suicidal a few times over the past few months and I got dragged, butt naked, handcuffed and crying to the hospital last month where I was strapped down and pumped full of tranquilizers (not traumatic at all!) and I lost a baby that I really wanted (better off right?) and I'm so lost. I don't know where I could go to talk to someone. I don't know how to interact with people in a way that won't make them uncomfortable or think I'm a freak. I'm just really lost.

 

I guess to summarize, if being a little is less like a bedroom kink and more like a personality, is that so bad? Does that mean that you're kind of sick on the inside and that you need help? I know what happens when I talk to professionals, and I am not really a fan of being locked up. I've always had trouble interacting with people, is this why? Is there just something inherently wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?

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So here is what I think has happened - you two are on different ends of the DDlg spectrum and this dynamic means different things for the two of you. There is nothing wrong with either of you, nothing is wrong and no one is better for their preferences. I do think he handle the situation poorly when it came to communicating his needs - but there is a good chance he was figuring his out identity out as well.

 

I wrote a whole piece on this very topic - it discusses the different types of DDlgers and how they interact differently from one another. It ranges from people who only use the dynamic with sex (sounds like your boyfriend) to people who literally live and breathe this dynamic 24/7 (sounds like you). None of these sides are wrong, they are just not compatible with one another. I highly recommend you give the topic a read, as it might shed some light not only on your perspective, but his as well. Here is the topic: 

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/#entry70163 

 

From what I see, from only the information above, it sounds like the levels you two operate at wont mix. And it sounds like he is insecure in the fact that he enjoys this dynamic during sex which leads him to act embarrassed when you are being YOU (little) around others. In my opinion, you two should probably part ways. If that is not an option - you both need to come to a middle ground in at least understanding that you are both valid in your view points, and the other person is not more of a "freak" or "embarrassing" because they have a different stance.

 

I do wish you both the best of luck and I hope things work out to where you are happy healthy and fulfilled. Best of luck :heart:

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There's nothing wrong with you at all. It seems that you're not in an "ideal relationship" and you're not feeling fulfilled. Don't worry about what other people say, BE WHO YOU ARE/WANT TO BE. You seem pretty chill and WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH DOGS?! Like Bree said though, some reading can help, but to me it seems like you got a good idea of who you are. Maybe just need a chance to let it breath and grow ya know? 

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Oh don't worry, being little is not always a kink. For a lot of people its a lifestyle. You are not weird at all!

 

I think its a bit weird that your Daddy is embarrassed of you, but maybe he's a little bit insecure about the fact that he loves it too. Other people can easily judge. Maybe you should go talk with him.

Edited by SkunkPrincess
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I just read through this post and I would like to give u some advice if i may.

 

Firstly there is nothing wrong with u apart from the fact that other people are making u feel so unhappy.

 

Secondly u need to get rid of the bf, he is dragging u further and further down, with the help of his family.

If he were a true daddy he would understand that ddlg is not about paedophilia its simply a way of caring and loving someone. These sites are 18+ for a reason.

 

Thirdly u need to ignore all the naysayers in your life and start to appreciate yourself for what u are.

 

Make lots of friends here. Dont worry about real life friends for now you're not in the right place. Let us help u to re-evaluate yourself, appreciate yourself and love yourself. Then you can start to make real life friends and u will look for those that won't judge u but love u as u are, warts and all. I don't know if i have been any help. I hope that I have and u can start to move in the right direction

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By the way I'm not judging your boyfriend. I just don't think that it can work for u and his actions/reactions are dragging u right down. He probably needs help too but he is not my friend u are
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Guest infinitecases

There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever! Being little because it's inherently a part of you and doesn't focus on being a kink is normal and you shouldn't be shamed for it.  If your boyfriend/daddy is shaming you and making you feel like being little (which is part of who you are as a person) is embarrassing to him, then he's not being the daddy he calls himself to be. A daddy should nurture your little side and love that part of you. Perhaps he really does enjoy the dynamic but is embarrassed to let other people know what he enjoys in private and letting other people see you behaving like that?

 

I don't see what is so wrong with playing with children and animals and dressing a certain way. People can be who they want to be and if your boyfriend can't handle that, then I think you would be much more comfortable and happier with someone who truly accepts you for who you are. I think that if he successfully had a ddlg relationship with someone before then it seems he has some problems to fix within himself before he can continue this relationship with you. 

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I don't see anything the matter with you, dear. I think the issue stands with his viewing of the DD/lg relationship. I saw up in an earlier comment that you two are in two totally different understandings of what DD/lg means to you, and I think it hit the nail on the head. You're "daddy" isn't acting like the daddy that you really need. You need someone to nurture you, not someone who humiliates you and says that your version of the relationship is incorrect.

 

I think that he's wrong, and that you're right, and I just wish he would take better care of you.

 

You know that if you're here you can befriend or talk to anyone hear and we'll understand. Just know that you are a cute Little no matter your size (I'm a plus sized little myself and my Daddy calls me his little stuffie) and I hope you feel better soon. Message me if you need anything and please take care of yourself

 

~Bambi

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I can't really help with anything else i suck at giving advice but i understand how confusing it is knowing he had a little before u. and TBH I've never dealt with that myself cus im my daddy's first little (and last hopefully lol) but knowing my daddy the best I can explain with that is maybe he felt more comfy doing the little thing with his previous one than with u. nothing about u it seems like an issue with himself. some guys are like that, well everyone is like that. some people u just don't connect with on certain levels and maybe he doesn't really feel the little thing now like he did before. idk bc I don't know him but i know that's how my daddy is with other things. but letting u stay sad and ignoring simple affection isn't right so it just seems like a compatibility thing. hugs best of luckie
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He seems like he dosent realize what he is dealing with and there is ABSOLUTLEY nothing wrong with you or how you feel. Many of us are littles and for many of us it is intrinsic to our bigger personality as whole. While we can control being in and out of little space even our adult space may be playing with puppies or being cute or so. It is making me so sad to read your post about this and about your BF even if he's not into dd/lg the way you are he shouldn't treat you like that. Granted sometimes our significant others are tired and don't have enough energy to be "daddy" at that time he shouldn't be shameing you about your little side. Also it seems like your going thru a lot, and I know you made this post about a week ago but I was surfing around messing around and I found it. So if you want feel free to message me I will talk to you if you'd like and be a "friend" even over the internet. Best of luck to you and don't let anyone make you feel bad for being who your are . Xoxo -Adri
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