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Balancing relationship, school, and work.


LittlePupRune
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So I just recently got a full-time job that I'm really happy doing, started the semester a few days ago, and been in a relationship with my partner for three years. All are important to me, but I'm having slight difficulty balancing things out.

 

Work gives me weird hours, and the schedule comes out on a week-by-week basis every thursday meaning things are slightly hard to plan (since I turn in my availability for an entire month two weeks ahead of time). 

 

I go to school with my partner twice a week, we have two classes together in the afternoon, I spend the breaks with them as well, I go to my evening class, then we drive back to their house, and either I leave for my house or spend the night. The rest of the week has been difficult to find time to spend together due to work. 

 

Lately they've been feeling like I haven't been paying enough attention to them and I feel really bad about that. I make sure to send them messages throughout the day, and if there is time I'll go over to theirs. I'm just not sure what else I could be doing to help them feel wanted.

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Guest infinitecases

You could try telling your partner your schedule as soon as you receive it? Tell them they can plan something to do with you when you're free and make it a 'date' or just a day to spend some alone time together. 

 

Do they have much to do themselves? It helps a lot for them to be busy too and then the time doesn't go as slowly! My daddy is really busy when he has school and does his work but I find busying myself aswell makes me concentrate less on the decreased attention and more on the task at hand, so when he comes back, it's more of a happy surprise since I was so engrossed in my work anyway :) 

 

If you are already making time for them and spending your free time with them whenever you can, there isn't much you can do. You are already doing so much, and I'm sure they can appreciate the effort you're going to to make things work. I want more attention too when my daddy is gone but he always works hard to get things done or considers his schedule to meet mine, so I can't be anything but grateful! Talk to them about how you're trying your best and how the times for work and your classes are set at certain times etc so whenever you're free, you're with them! 

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You could try telling your partner your schedule as soon as you receive it? Tell them they can plan something to do with you when you're free and make it a 'date' or just a day to spend some alone time together. 

 

Do they have much to do themselves? It helps a lot for them to be busy too and then the time doesn't go as slowly! My daddy is really busy when he has school and does his work but I find busying myself aswell makes me concentrate less on the decreased attention and more on the task at hand, so when he comes back, it's more of a happy surprise since I was so engrossed in my work anyway :)

 

If you are already making time for them and spending your free time with them whenever you can, there isn't much you can do. You are already doing so much, and I'm sure they can appreciate the effort you're going to to make things work. I want more attention too when my daddy is gone but he always works hard to get things done or considers his schedule to meet mine, so I can't be anything but grateful! Talk to them about how you're trying your best and how the times for work and your classes are set at certain times etc so whenever you're free, you're with them! 

Agreed with all of this but also keep in mind a little bit of time for yourself, we all need it and you don't want to get burnt out. One idea I use, since I am balancing  full intensive course load and life in general, is using an hourly planner and writing everything for the week down in there so I can clearly see when I have bits of free time and adjust my schedule accordingly if something comes up.

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First, I would ask her what she means by attention. That's a pretty generic term. It sounds like the two of you spend a lot of time together. Are you trying to multitask when she's with you? Are you doing homework? Texting or playing on your phone? If so, it might be that she feels like she's not a priority even when you are together. 

 

It could also mean that she feels like you're not holding up your end of the bargain within the dynamic. Do you have rules/punishments? Are you following through on them? Do you praise/reward her when she's good? 

 

How does she spend her time when you are not together? If she doesn't have much going on, you might need to give her a little more structure. Make sure she has things to fill her day. It could be chores, projects, anything. 

 

Make sure to reward her patience. That's what works best for me and my Daddy. If he knows he's going to be unavailable for awhile, he promises me a reward in exchange for being "good" aka patient. It's usually something simple like a Happy Meal or letting me pick a movie for us to watch, and to be honest, those are things he would let me have anyway, but that's not the point. It's his way of acknowledging that it's hard for me, and it gives me something to look forward to. It helps me feel like I am still his first priority even when he can't be with me. 

 

Sometimes, my Daddy has to sit me down and remind me that he wants to be the best Daddy he can be for me, and that he wants to be able to take good care of me. That means he has to work hard and go to school and do lots of other boring grown-up stuff so he can build a good life for us. Try to explain to her that you are busy because you are working so hard to give her everything you possibly can. (You've been together for three years, so I am assuming that you two have future plans.) If it IS important to you to be financially stable and provide for her, then explain that to her. It might help. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

If your partner knows your schedule, they should be grown up enough to realise you can't simply magic up more time.

I have three children, all living at home with me, and I'm trying to develop a PT business. He also has responsibilities, and friends etc, that take up time. Plus we are 35 miles apart. We spend weekends together,because that's what works for us.

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