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Daddy wants a side chick ?


Guest Mischievous-Kitten

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Any guy who uses the excuse "I have urges" is just looking for a reason to step out. We as humans have control over urges, so there's no reason for him (or anyone) to say he needs a side chick because of some supposedly uncontrollable urges. 

 

If you're not comfortable with it, tell him. If he does, he's cheating and using "urges" as an excuse.

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Any guy who uses the excuse "I have urges" is just looking for a reason to step out. We as humans have control over urges, so there's no reason for him (or anyone) to say he needs a side chick because of some supposedly uncontrollable urges. 

 

If you're not comfortable with it, tell him. If he does, he's cheating and using "urges" as an excuse.

THIS. Guys dont need to have sex, just as we can go without it as well as female bodied people. It doesnt affect us differently, and if he's using this as a reason to date or "booty-call" someone else, it may be time to find another Daddy. 

But I would talk it over with him, ask why he feels this way, and try explaining that He wouldnt like if YOU did something like that right? 

And if he's still not okay with not having a sidechick, it may be time to step away. 

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Honestly I think if you're uncomfortable about it, then talk to him about you feel. And if he can't seem to control his "urges" then I would seek finding someone else. I've had instances where I've been in your shoes, and it never worked out. I wish you luck though on your situation though! 

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So I'm so torn. I really like my daddy but we're in different states and I understand that he has urges and because of that he wants to be able to have a side chick or booty call when he feels this way. I don't know what to say...i want him happy but I also don't share or play well with others... any advice would be lovely

That is NOT a real daddy, A real daddy wouldnt dream of kissing or having sex with anyone except for his little

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Guest Mischievous-Kitten
*sigh* thank you all so berry much❤️ I'm so upset with this whole situation... I'm trying to talk to him and i don't want to make him upset or push him away either.... i just... I dunno....
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Guest chilldude

To the OP I agree with what most have said. If you're uncomfortable with it, say so (which is what it sounds like) 
 

That is NOT a real daddy, A real daddy wouldnt dream of kissing or having sex with anyone except for his little

He's talking about his needs honestly. Not all people are monogamous, and some are able to separate sex from emotions. 

 

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It's a boundary issue really, I mean you have probably discussed what you both need out of the relationship when you started it in terms of monogamy/non-monogamy? If the thought of him going through with this turns your stomach and crosses that boundary for you then as difficult as it may seem, you have to tell him that you can't accept it... if you aren't honest and true to your own needs then you won't really ever be happy in the relationship. Just my 2 cents for what they are worth!

 

DB

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Guest DeOriginalMittens

Ehhhh I don't get urges for another girl when I am with someone. If i have a urge I ignore it, or if we have a sexual relationship even LDR and my little sent me pics, I will use her pics for urges.. or maybe rp.. That's the point of pics, webcam, or sexting...  If he's so willing to go to another girl for urges then even if you were there, he would go to the booty call the day you weren't feeling well or were busy or maybe if he was already out and couldn't get to you. To be honest in my opinion, guys like that are unreliable. You either have to accept it or get rid of it because it will be a thing, especially if he is thinking about it, it won't be some temporary or one time thing.  Now if you had a boy toy, I can see him getting a side chick... That's called fair. Sometime people don't like these days. You have a guy you mess with he should have a girl he messes with, if you check out guys or think they're hot or cute, he should check out girls and think they are hot and cute, if you flirt he should be allowed to flirt. Fair is fair, don't like fair, don't get in a relationship? That last bit wasn't directed at you, but generalized to people who may have similar issues but are one sided.

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I for one, would be thankful he is being honest instead of just going behind your back. What he is looking for is not cheating, it's easy to cheat. Why is cheating wrong? because you are betraying someones trust by not asking something you know they probably wouldn't agree with and be sneaky about it.

 

It doesn't matter if a man "can" control his urges, the point here is he doesn't want to and you should respect that.

 

If you are not comfortable and he has classified this as a need then I would let him go because it's important needs are met and you would be holding him back which is very selfish from you... just like he would not be fulfilling your need for monogamy and forcing you to see it his way would be selfish of him.

 

It's just a bad match.

 

I don't think that makes him a bad person or a bad daddy, just not the right one for you.

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Guest itsybitsyfairy

I think it was honorable of him to bring this up with you instead of down right cheating. 

 

Personally, I would be VERY uncomfortable and honestly, very hurt if my caregiver asked me if it was okay for them to mess around with someone else, especially if the only cruddy excuse they had was that they had "urges" - for me, that would signal the end of the relationship because I just couldn't respect that. 

 

It's your decision to make, if you're comfortable with him messing around with another girl when he has "urges", then so be it. It's your relationship. BUT....Do NOT continue to be with him if this makes you uncomfortable, because something tells me that if you disagree with him on this and don't allow him to do as he pleases, he'd likely just turn to cheating. 

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If he's having urges, they should be urges to come TO YOU. The fact alone that he presented it as a good idea would be a deal breaker for me. I'm 100% monogamous, so that would clearly put me on a whole different page and cause me to wonder what else we disagree on.

 

Don't ever agree to anything you're not completely comfortable with just to keep someone tethered to you. Incompatible... That's what it sounds like to me.

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That is NOT a real daddy, A real daddy wouldnt dream of kissing or having sex with anyone except for his little

Well, there are actually some DD/lg relationships that are poly BUT I do see where you're coming from.

 

However, just by OP being uncomfortable and concerned by this it's obvious that you're not poly. Just talk to your dom about how it makes you feel and hope he understands that you're not okay with it.

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Not everyone is monogamous and there's nothing wrong with that.  Probably most people are and there's nothing wrong with that either.
And some people are monogamous and OK with their partner being not and that's OK too.

 

It's a question of compatibility, and regardless of your relationship dynamic it is a big deal that ideally would be made clear very early on before a relationship develops.  But people evolve and attitudes change, and he's done the right thing in talking to you about it rather than quietly going off to deal with his urges leaving you none the wiser.

Now one of you wants one thing, one of you wants another.  One of you will have to compromise or you have to accept that you're no longer compatible.

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Guest itsybitsyfairy

I think there is a difference between poly relationships and people having "urges" cause they're horny and can't keep still while in a relationship IMO.  :)

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I think there is a difference between poly relationships and people having "urges" cause they're horny and can't keep still while in a relationship IMO.  :)

 

This is true.  A bit on the side isn't the same thing as another proper relationship, but some people are ok with that (or will tolerate it at least).  It's not inherently wrong.

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Guest itsybitsyfairy

This is true.  A bit on the side isn't the same thing as another proper relationship, but some people are ok with that (or will tolerate it at least).  It's not inherently wrong.

 

It's debatable haha! 

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It's debatable haha! 

 

Endlessly debatable I expect.  I think it's generally wrong too, but if there's one person on the planet who thinks it's fine, I'm not going to tell them they're wrong (I know, pedantic ;) )

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It's not about 'right' and 'wrong', it's about your boundaries and what you are willing to except from your significant other (Daddy).

You need to figure out what you are, and what you are not, willing to allow in your relationship and build a relationship from that. 

Best wishes.

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To be honest, this really depends on how far you two live. If you two are ever able to see each other in person, and how understanding the both of you are. Having an LDR, in which the two of you have never seen each other or cannot see each other, is bound to not end well most of the time. Again, it depends on the person.

 

My honest opinion is that being a LDR, if you two are not able to see each other very often at all, it would be ok for him to have a "booty-call". NOW, this depends on his ability and the "booty-call's" ability to understand what they EXACTLY are, a "booty-call" and nothing else. For me, having an LDR, and sexting, showing picks and the like, would only intensify my "urge" and not satisfy it at all. Physical contact can never be satisfied by sexting and pics. The fact that he has come to you to talk about this is a HUGE bonus. Even then, you still honestly do not know if he has been doing this all along, and is just now coming to you to "test the water" so to speak. 

 

For me, it can cause a lot of fidelity questions to plague your mind and cause you to not trust and start to question it. This will break a relationship quickly. I honestly, would say that if you're uncomfortable with it, then the obvious answer is no, BUT, since you did come here to find advice, you must be willing on some level to compromise a bit on it. You CANNOT have a relationship with out any compromise. You have needs that must be met yes, but you have to sit down and figure yourself out and think about if that is an "honest" need, or is it something you just want? Relationships are not selfish and they take two people to fully commit in order to work out well.

 

I Really hope you two can work things out in a way that both of you are comfortable with. The one thing I hate seeing the most, is a relationship failing and breaking apart. I wish you two the best of luck!

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