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LittleBabyKitty

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I recently got cheated on, I've made tons of posts about it from the time he started avoiding me, making excuses, admitting he cheated, having the gull to claim to still want me, but telling me he's "stuck" in a relationship with her because she's abusive, and now saying that "I finally realized all we ever were was an internet relationship."

 

Yet, he got to know my family, we fell asleep together on skype every night, he asked me to marry him, we shared alot in common, lots of laughs and secrets, and intimacy, but he claims it was never real to make himself feel better about all his wrongdoing.

 

We were in a real relationship for a year and a half, and I'm the most realistic person ever, I was never delusional about what him and I were, it was real...but he denies it at the last second grasping onto whatever he can to be blameless and not take responsibility.

 

All I ever did was give him the most unconditional love I had.  I supported him in every way, and accepted his flaws.  And from one week to the next (in the last month), he faded away...

 

My point of this post is to ask everyone, have you ever cheated?  If you cheated (especially men), I'd like to know your thought process and how/why you did it. 

 

For those who got cheated on, how did you get past the pain?  Did you take them back?

 

I will not judge or berate anyone who responds, I'd simply like to know real perspectives to give me clarity or try to understand why or what I can do to feel better.

 

I'm so fucking lonely, and as much as he hurt me, I miss him, and I'm weak, and I'm afraid of myself, meaning, I'm afraid I might take him back, or keep talking to him.  We've been going back and forth, him with his excuses and blaming everything and everyone for his actions, and me with telling him he chose to do what he did and he chose trash over me.

 

He doesn't get it.  He lowkey wants me to feel sorry for HIM!

 

Anyway, if you cheated or have been cheated on, please give me your insight, I won't judge you.

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I was with my bf for a year and a half. We had a great relationship. Until the last couple months where he cheated on me with my literal best friend. I found out in february of this year. I took him back. Felt like it was something we could work on. He seemed truly repentant... At first. But then i believe it was more guilt that made him sorry rather than hurting the person he loves.

I tried really hard to make it work. And trust me i feel really stupid. Because unfortunately i still think about him every day and worry about him and love him.

 

However i will say this... Some time has passed between February and now And people are right... Time between helps. Like its still fresh for you so your probably in agony and it doesn't seem like it now but trust me in the future you'll feel so much better and it will get easier and easier to move on.

 

But he did leave his scars. I feel worthless honestly. And while i love him.. I hate him to.

Just gotta find a way to move on healthily. Key word is healthy. Or you won't heal right

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I got cheated on once but that was pretty early on in a relationship and we didn't know where it was going at the time so I don't know if it counts. I was willing to look over it because in my mind I could justify it but if it had happened later on when we were already established as exclusive Daddy + little, that would be game over, instantly, I wouldn't have given it a second thought. It was an online relationship as I live in a country where there's just no people I want to get involved with but that doesn't make it any less real to me and even though I looked over that incident it made me sceptical a bit as to how dedicated she was. Ultimately that scepticism was the cause for the breakup nearly a year later. I realised I couldn't let it go and completely trust her.

 

This was pretty early on in a time when I was just starting to get involved in ddlg dynamic relationships, if the same thing would to happen now that I'm a little bit more experienced, I wouldn't look it over, cheating is game over no matter how "real" the relationship.

 

P.S. I would never cheat on my partner, if such a situation would to happen where I like someone else while I'm in a relationship and would become tempted to cheat, I would break up with my partner. It's the better of 2 shitty options.

Edited by Prat(Praetorian)
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Only been cheated on once (as far as i know, of course), and let's just say it was lucky for him i only found out after we broke up. Because oh my goodness, that lying little runt would have struggled sitting down, never mind having sex for a while.

Unforgivable. No grey areas. You cheat, you're gone. Immediately. All contact ended forever with no conditions or discussion. Bye loser. My opinion on that has always been exactly the same.

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I have been on both ends of this, and I'm not ashamed to say I have been the cheatee and the cheater. I suppose I'll start with the scenario in which I cheated on a boyfriend of mine.

 

I was sixteen at the time (now almost twenty), and I was young, inexperienced and very, very insecure. I was dating a long-time friend of mine, his name was Sheldon and I'd recently gotten out of an abusive relationship with the man who introduced me to BDSM. I was infatuated with that man, only now do I see and realise that it wasn't love. A few months into the relationship with Sheldon my ex got back in contact with me and to be perfectly honest I wasn't completely over Mali (my ex)... This, as you can gather, leaded up to me cheating on Sheldon with my ex. I'd also like to add that Sheldon was always someone that I'd emotionally fell back on. He was my rock. 

 

I can wholeheartedly say that I, while not being a proud moment of mine, do not regret it. If I didn't put Sheldon through that pain and, eventually, put myself through the pain of losing someone who was such a better person than me then I wouldn't have realised how much I needed to grow up and just... Fix my ways. 

 

The second story is a more recent one.

 

My last boyfriend/daddy is one I've spoken of on this forum, he's not my current partner (obviously) but we were together for perhaps almost a year. I loved him, but I didn't trust him. I always had suspicions with regards to him, he had a flirtatious nature and was highly insecure, he looked for others validation wherever he could and he would lap it up. I can see these warning signs now, and perhaps even an older version of myself can relate to them, but I never thought it would lead to him cheating. But it did. What he did was quite minor, he was flirting with another girl through text - and although it may seem like a stretch to some to call this cheating, to me, it was and we had discussed how flirting was cheating in both of our eyes, yet he did it nonetheless.

 

Stupidly enough, I took him back, I told myself that I'd forgive him. Yet with each argument, each time he broke up with me only to beg for me back - to 'try again', to 'better himself', I loved him a little less each time until one day I realised, in the midst of falling for my current partner, that I no longer loved Daniel (my ex). I knew this because I fell for Alfredo (my daddy). He made me feel safe when Daniel no longer could. And while I never approached a romantic relationship with Alfredo while I was with Daniel I can say we got together relatively quickly after I broke up with Daniel. I did this because I no longer loved him. Plain and simple. I was fed up of being used, it gets to a point where you just... Value yourself too much. And now I have someone that values me just as much as I value myself, as I value him. And to me, that's all that matters. 

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From the "especially men" side, yes, I have cheated (some may argue not) to the point of getting somewhat romantically involved with someone while in a relationship, but stopped short of it developing into a physical thing (more than once).

On the other side, I have been "properly" cheated on by two different women while in committed relationships.  First one broke my heart, the second, well we were pretty much over by the time I found out.  It was all a very long time ago now (and for what it's worth, pre-dated any straying on my part).

Why did I?  I don't know, I didn't go looking for it. It wasn't ever spur of the moment, rather a long accidental falling into something without noticing, before doing a reality check and putting an end to it.   

I still feel bad about it if it pops into my head for any reason.  Would I ever again? I'd like to think not.  I'm less inclined towards monogamy these days, but whatever anyone's view on open/poly relationships, cheating is not the same thing.

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LBK, im sorry for what your going through and it breaks my heart whenever a little princesses hurt. I saw your second update and it took me some time to put 2 and 2 together as that/my update was about someone else. I'm not mad nor do i have any issues with you other than the fact that i wish i could take your pain away because I truly believe that little princesses are god's greatest creations and should be treated as such. No worries and i wont friend request you again. I would love to be your friend so anytime if or when your ever ready just reach out. God bless sweetheart and good luck to you. And remember that tough times go away, but tough people do not. Stay strong. T
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I got a "warning" point for making that status, so it looks like karma got me anyway.

 

::thumbs up::

 

It was about others as well, so no hard feelings.  I didn't know any other way to express myself about that, and I didn't know that particular collection of words wasn't allowed here.

 

I appreciate the concern, for what it's worth.

 

Sorry for being a bitch about it, I'm just at my limit with life in general right now.

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I'm super sorry about the warning point, i will tell whoever i can to erase it. You seem like a sweetie and i come in peace. I wanna help you in any way i can promise. Ever heard of Voodoo Fest in New Orleans? I'm a radio exec and wan t you to google it. Tell you what, i always heard the 3rd time was the charm so imma send you a FR. who knows, i might even get a yes :)
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Guest SaladHater

Answering question "how did I get over being cheated on"

Just like you I was in love with a girl who happened to be online, i talked to her for years before actually asking her if she liked me and her answer seemed very genuine and enthusiastic. Which of course made me the happiest I think I had ever been. Then I found out she cheated. It hurt a lot for a couple months but you just gotta find something to distract you, don't give them the time of day.

 

Time heals all wounds, life goes on blah blah(also unfollow any of his social media, get rid of anything that reminds you of him).If you're like me I only remember the happy moments despite being cheated on the happy times we had still triumphed the cheating. She always has a place in my heart but I would not take her back for any reason.

 

I'm free to talk more if you'd like cause I feel like I relate to your pain.

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Guest headpats

No to both cheating questions, but I think that his motivations to act this way are basically a common denial-based defense mechanism amped up way past what's normal.

 

Like, if you want to go to a concert and you try to buy tickets but can't get them, you might tell yourself that you didn't really want to go very badly anyway. This is alright. It's not true and you're lying to yourself, but it's perfectly understandable as to why you did it and it doesn't hurt anybody but you.

 

What this guy did, though, is far beyond normal or acceptable. Instead of just lying to himself, he's acting like other people's feelings aren't real and lying about your relationship existing at all. I don't mean to play armchair psychologist here (but obviously I do, because I'm doing it right now), but it sounds like he's pathologically narcissistic if he's this exploitative and self centered. Something is fundamentally wrong with him in a very significant way if he did something like this.

 

Don't waste your time on him. He isn't going to get it because he doesn't want to get it, and because he doesn't care about you or see you as having real feelings. Just cut ties completely. If the chance ever arises and you go back to this guy, it'll probably be the biggest mistake you could make. I feel for you here, but I think you dodged a bullet.

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My guess on his current actions is one thing: guilt. I recently got out of a relationship with a daddy I had for a year-and-a-half and we split on good terms but when I caught him in bed with someone else just days later he suddenly decided he never wanted to speak to me again... People seem to think the sudden turnaround is the guilt of being caught, it's easier to avoid you
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Guest Sweetkittenbj

Trust, like submission, is not a right. No one is entitled to it. In my book it has to be earned. You break my trust, more than likely, you lose me as well.

 

I've been in your shoes - the married man who is so unhappy where he is, but won't leave her. He knows more about you than anyone else, and he's gotten to know your family. I'm a realist, not a pessimist - he won't leave her, he will cheat again,, and he's not worthy of you, your time, or trust.

 

How do you get over this? You cry, a lot. And then you cry some more. You'll feel lost without him. But one day, you don't cry. You smile at the cute barista who's been trying to catch your eye for months. It doesn't hurt anymore & you're willing to trust someone again. It takes time, but you'll get there.

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I can also say I cheated when I was younger and have been cheated on too. Never took them back. No desire to. Kinda glad the one time I cheated, he ended it too... obviously I cheated because I was bored and not interested anymore but didn't know how to say it. Cheating is probably a sign something wasn't working. Fresh starts are good and usually much needed. Don't force or push anything. Live and learn. I had the same skype relationship.....20 hour skype calls etc and we still realized it wouldn't work.

 

Sometimes getting your hopes up is what hurts a lot, but you may find something way better. You'll have many chances.

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Have I cheated, this depends, I've been with more than one person, though I wasn't in an official relationship, so one could argue since no commitment was made, I did not.

 

Have I been cheated ON? Yes. My first partner, whom I met when I was a Junior, and was with for 6 years, cheated not once, not twice, but 7, YES SEVEN, times, most of which I knew about, but was stupid enough to think she would change. It took a lot for me to finally end things, and that's when I REALLY came in to the person I am now, so I should be thankful, I suppose. As a result of her constant infidelity, I became much more.... not sure the correct word, I wanna say dominant in who I was, I know what I want, and if you cannot give it to me, I won't waste my time, nor yours. If one of us wants something that we can't or won't give to the other, then we move on. I've wasted enough of my life on someone who isn't worth it.

 

In the words of Ben from American Horror Story

 

 

I would move heaven and earth for the [woman] I thought I was married to. But you aren’t her. You’re a stranger to me. You actually pretended — maybe even believed like a sociopath — that you were some holy saint without sin while you shit all over me. Our life. And our family. With your betrayal and lies. The way I feel right now, I wouldn’t lift to finger to get you out of here.

 

So yeah, in a weird way, being cheated on was the best thing that happened to me.

Edited by Leo_Ascendent
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