Red flags for pushy doms?

[Guest LittleGalaxia]

what are some concerns about dominate men towards submissive girls? o-o

I just want to be careful and be aware of whom I encounter. further down the road.

So far I would like to say the people I've met are friendly

 

I would just like to keep in mind about red flags.

 

advice needed, thank you for your time 

[Guest]

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/15298-what-are-the-red-flags-for-you/

[lacey bunny]

These are just Red Flags in general not just upon meeting someone. With BDSM there is a fine line with some things because for some relationships those things are consensual (TPE, humiliation/degradation, etc). Know your personal boundaries, communicate, and know your safe places!

• They ask for dominance right away instead of building a foundation of trust and letting you make that choice
• Ask for nudes/sends nudes right away
• Acts like it’s your job to sexually satisfy them
• ​Flatters you not compliments you
• Acts like you’re lucky to be graced with their presence and the fact they are speaking to you
• They mirror your words, sentence structures, and attitude
• They tell you stuff they think you want to hear
• They became a yes-man
• If they act like their dominance is a right and not a privilege. Submission is a gift; they need to treat it as such.
• If they don’t respect your limits
• Force you into things without consent
• Ignore the use of safewords
• They ignore or “forgetting” aftercare
• Dominate you out of anger/rage
• Put you in unsafe situations
• Yell/curse at you
• Belittle you
• Take away your comfort items (even as a punishment not okay)
• Do not trust
• Do not respect
• Creates fear
• Hurts you physically, mentally, and emotionally
• Act jealous/possessive
• Tries to control you
• Quick tempered
• Doesn’t take responsibility and makes everything your fault
• Is sexually demanding
• Keeps you away from friends/family and activities you enjoy
• Embarrasses you in front of others
• Makes you cry
• Is always “checking on” you with negative intents
• Takes your money and other things
• Threatens to leave you
• Teases, bullies, and puts you down
  
  
  

  My Daddy tells me all the time, “You have no obligation to please anyone. If someone cannot show you respect or care you shouldn’t be speaking with them. You have the right to walk away from them.” OH and, "You deserve respect, regardless of gender."

Edited September 25, 2017 by lacey bunny

[Untwisted]

It's easy to get swept up in the excitement of somebody new but basically if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going or what's being said, stop for a moment and think do you feel you're being forced or made to feel guilty?

Everyone has their own boundaries and limits and it doesn't matter if "all littles do x" (they probably don't), you don't have to if you're not happy doing it.

[Guest SUeB]

These are just Red Flags in general not just upon meeting someone. With BDSM there is a fine line with some things because for some relationships those things are consensual (TPE, humiliation/degradation, etc). Know your personal boundaries, communicate, and know your safe places!

 

• They ask for dominance right away instead of building a foundation of trust and letting you make that choice
• Ask for nudes/sends nudes right away
• Acts like it’s your job to sexually satisfy them
• ​Flatters you not compliments you
• Acts like you’re lucky to be graced with their presence and the fact they are speaking to you
• They mirror your words, sentence structures, and attitude
• They tell you stuff they think you want to hear
• They became a yes-man
• If they act like their dominance is a right and not a privilege. Submission is a gift; they need to treat it as such.
• If they don’t respect your limits
• Force you into things without consent
• Ignore the use of safewords
• They ignore or “forgetting” aftercare
• Dominate you out of anger/rage
• Put you in unsafe situations
• Yell/curse at you
• Belittle you
• Take away your comfort items (even as a punishment not okay)
• Do not trust
• Do not respect
• Creates fear
• Hurts you physically, mentally, and emotionally
• Act jealous/possessive
• Tries to control you
• Quick tempered
• Doesn’t take responsibility and makes everything your fault
• Is sexually demanding
• Keeps you away from friends/family and activities you enjoy
• Embarrasses you in front of others
• Makes you cry
• Is always “checking on” you with negative intents
• Takes your money and other things
• Threatens to leave you
• Teases, bullies, and puts you downMy Daddy tells me all the time, “You have no obligation to please anyone. If someone cannot show you respect or care you shouldn’t be speaking with them. You have the right to walk away from them.” OH and, "You deserve respect, regardless of gender."

Sorry, but NO to so much of this. This is one persons opinion, not fact.

 

My Daddy teases me in a funny, affectionate way and it makes me giggle, He is sexually demanding and i LOVE it, submission is NOT a gift....at all. No more than dominance is. Both Daddy and i find that overly spewed concept as ridiculous. He controls me, because that is part of our relationship (there is a vast difference between consensual control and abusive control), and He will say things, knowing i love to hear them. Not that He doesn't mean them, but because He knows me very well, and loves to see that giddy look on my face.

 

So while a lot of that list is right, a lot of it is absolute nonsense.

[lacey bunny]

Sorry, but NO to so much of this. This is one persons opinion, not fact.

 

My Daddy teases me in a funny, affectionate way and it makes me giggle, He is sexually demanding and i LOVE it, submission is NOT a gift....at all. No more than dominance is. Both Daddy and i find that overly spewed concept as ridiculous. He controls me, because that is part of our relationship (there is a vast difference between consensual control and abusive control), and He will say things, knowing i love to hear them. Not that He doesn't mean them, but because He knows me very well, and loves to see that giddy look on my face.

 

So while a lot of that list is right, a lot of it is absolute nonsense.

Most of what I listed are from Domestic Violence and Abuse warning lists, not my own personal opinion.

Everything is subjective.

[Guest SUeB]

Most of what I listed are from Domestic Violence and Abuse warning lists, not my own personal opinion.

Everything is subjective.

Didn't mean i necessarily thought you wrote the list. There's lots of things like that out there. Just so easy particularly for younger people to read things like that and take everything it says as absolute fact.

[lacey bunny]

Didn't mean i necessarily thought you wrote the list. There's lots of things like that out there. Just so easy particularly for younger people to read things like that and take everything it says as absolute fact.

 

I agree, it's easily influenced incorrectly in some aspects. Not just for younger people but people that just don't know.

But some of those things listed could be at the start of an abusive relationship and progress into harsher tones. Which is why I kept them there rather than taking them out. Even if I find them subjective, someone out there might really see that as a warning sign for their own.

[Guest SUeB]

Well yes true, but as in my case, as i mentioned originally, some of those things are simply part of a very good, healthy relationship. Best i have ever experienced, actually.

A red flag for one might be a YES PLEAAAASE!! for another, lol.

It's just a tricky game claiming things as bad or as red flags. The op for instance might read that and shout abuse if a really decent guy shows signs of the things that can be good or bad, depending on the person.

[Guest DeOriginalMittens]

I agree with some of the list that lacey bunny wrote and I like the replies of SUeB. However I must add a few things, a person has to respect you as an equal before a sub or dom. I feel we are all equals first, your feelings, matter, your consents matter, you have limits, you have rules you can make for your daddy to follow also. It's not a one sided relationship, no relationship should be one sided. If they try to force you into things you aren't comfortable with, run. If they suggest but respect your boundaries and don't push past that, then they are alright. There is a difference between suggesting and pushing. Pushy is where they continue it and run on and on with it if they don't get their way. You don't have to stroke anyones ego, in fact, don't do it unless you know the person and trust them entirely, like for years. But I agree, Build a relationship first. You shouldn't jump into a dom/sub or ddlg relationship immediately, establish rules and ease in. Make sure he can respect them all, and if he can respect you and the rules, give it a shot. If not, then don't bother with them anymore, they aren't worth your time.

 

As for the comments above.. I don't agree with lacey bunny's list entirely, I know they found it and posted it, but sorting through the list and taking out false things is something they should of done. If being jealous or possessive is a bad sign, then a good portion of littles and doms should be on the ban list haha.  also: "Acts like it’s your job to sexually satisfy them" Welllllllllll No.. it isn't your job to do it.. But dont' get mad if they find someone else who wants to do it or goes to porn. I mean, lets be real. Almost everyone gets off, unless you are demi-sexual as I am, you don't get off to anyone but your partner, but "Normal" people have urges and will go to porn or another woman for sexual gratification, don't want that, then yeah, kinda your job. AHAHA. Again, I am demi-sexual, I don't have that problem, but fair is fair. You can't blue ball someone and say "good, suck it up" That's like him telling you, you can't get off to porn or have sex with another guy. Meaning you would have to get off to him, making it his job to sexually satisfy you making it a contradiction. Honestly, think that post was written by SJW's.. probably taken from tumblr =_=

 

Anyways, just make sure he isn't too pushy. If he says "alright, that's fien I am sorry" is polite and backs off you'll be fine. If you hear things like "Aww cmon" or "It won't be so bad" "you will like it I promise" then just run... XD

[Guest Rye_Curiosity]

sooooo confuzzling

[LittlePupRune]

sooooo confuzzling

 

What is confusing?

[Guest Rye_Curiosity]

its jst hard to understand what the general agreed upon 100% red flags for anyone are

[LittlePupRune]

its jst hard to understand what the general agreed upon 100% red flags for anyone are

 

Not everyone agrees 100% on all the red flags. Best thing to do is read through and keep them in mind, but with a grain of salt because it really depends on what you personally are and are not comfortable with.

[Guest SUeB]

its jst hard to understand what the general agreed upon 100% red flags for anyone are

There is no such thing. That's the point.

[Guest dadBADDY]

I think this is probably a hard one for many people.. and on both sides really. Just because you're a Daddie or Mommie or Caregiver doesn't mean that you don't have a need for reciprocated kindness and care. Listening to your gut is probably the best way. If someone is taking the time and putting in the effort to get to know you and shows care in the way they handle your courtship, friendship, relationship, then that's someone worth exploring. Doesn't mean its a fit.. but worth exploring. On the other hand, if that effort isn't shown, and you feel like they're only out for their own self interests, then it's time to move on. There are sooooo many fish in the sea, as it's been said. Your feelings are there to show you the way.. if it feels good, it's probably good. And if it doesn't feel good, it probably isn't.