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Avoiding being catfished?


Guest Blueheart

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Guest Blueheart

Hi everyone. To make a long story short, as you may have guessed I've recently been catfished by a guy pretending to be a girl. It was no one from this website (at least, not as far as I know) but it was within the cg/l community. We'd chatted via kik messenger for ten days or so, maybe two weeks, and after that time he confessed, justifying it by saying "no one wants a boy little" and he "just wanted to feel cared for". Obviously I'm rather upset by this turn of events.

 

I'm also confused and I'd like to know how some of you avoid these kind of situations. Because in the early stages of a relationship, I feel like it's too forward to be asking for "photo evidence" of someone - it feels rude, and asking something like that makes me feel like a jerk for not trusting that the person is who they say they are. Sadly, this has happened to me before, and I now think that I may have to do something to stop myself becoming a target for these kind of people.

 

Gut feelings are great for spotting something being "off", and I'm all for trusting my gut. I also know how to spot red flags, like a person always having an excuse for not doing something, or refusing to show a picture for example. But there are legitimate reasons why someone may not feel comfortable with being face-to-face right at the beginning, and like I said, I really want to avoid coming on too strong or seeming rude. Is the risk of catfishing just something we have to put up with, or does someone out there have a magic bullet for avoiding it? If you do, please comment.

 

Take care guys and girls :)

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Guest Blueheart

Forgot to say in the third para there, I'm all for trusting my gut if something feels off. But in this case it didn't, so that's part of the problem I guess. Maybe I'm just off my game after taking a break from the online scene.

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I think it's best to tell new people right away. Maybe before you start chatting via kik. Tell them you're being catfished before and want to avoid it happening again.

 

In a further stadium, you can ask for a picture of them with a note with your name (or something else personal) on it.

 

I hope I helped you.

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Guest DeOriginalMittens

I think Gemini's approach is pretty spot on, but I also know you didn't want to be that type of person. So a few things I can personally impart on you, that may help more of what you are looking for, is:

 

1: Identify the difference between men and women. Yes, there is a difference, I don't care if they are littles, I don't care if they act feminine, there are traits only men do, and it doesn't matter how much of a girl you are or feel. Look for those traits, identify those traits, and learn more human psychology. Use girl words like babygirl, little girl, woman, girl, ect. IF you happen to have things like playtime, then watch how they react to your actions. A man doesn't have female reproductive organs, they do not know how to react or feel, and girls have a pattern, all girls are different, but they all identify with a specific pattern when they are being aroused by their partner. That's how I can tell when my partner doesn't want things like playtime or if they aren't interested in me sexually anymore. So learning to read the social cues and going from there is a great start.

 

2: Just talk, be friends with them, get to know their friends also. Their friends, probably know their real gender, so watch for things that might affect it. You can make friends with their friends, and talk to them about the individual. Use female terms, and the friend if they aren't in on the catfishing, will correct you. Or you could be more observant of people around them. For example, let's say one of their friends you see on the forums a lot, and they flirt with all the little girls on the site, and they flirt or seem flirty or seem close and chatty with the females only.. And then this individual which is their friend, they aren't as chatty with, it can give you the clue, that little isn't a girl or it possibly might be a girl that shot him down hard. More than likely the first especially if they are on good terms or talking terms. Watch how they reply, read posts, snoop around. If you know their kik name, enter it in google and see if you can find something else on them. Seems stalkerish to some, but you're only trying to find out if they are a girl or not and not trying to get their schedules or where they live or something.

 

3: like above, ask for social media, ask for some proof, like Gemini said, go ahead and mention you've been catfished before, and you'd appreciate proof. List it in your descriptions or something so they know ahead of time before messaging you. If they didn't read it, that's their fault, not yours. Someone who is interested in you that didn't read your profile? that's fishy to begin with, I won't be with anyone who doesn't respect me enough to read my profile or a post I made thoroughly.

 

That's just me, I hope you have better luck in the future, and I hope it helped. If not I hope someone can give you the help you need on this subject.

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I think that if you are clear that you are talking to someone with the purpose of finding a partner it is not a jerk move to ask for a picture. As long as it is a clean appropriate picture. And always ask for them to hold a specific item. A piece of paper with your name is best as a simple google search can turn up a ton of catfish worthy photos.

 

Actually I think anyone using any sort of website, this one or a dating site, to find a partner should always have a real photo of themselves as a profile image and happily give clean appropriate images when requested. You would have to live under a rock or be a moron to not know its easy to catfish and this is a common thing on the internet.

 

Anyone not willing to give a photo right away you can just drop talking to then as they are more than likely hiding something. Appearance means a lot but just knowing your talking to someone who is what they say they are is huge.

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I don't think its too much to ask for a simple photo or two in the very early stages of getting to know each other, or even make speacial requests for angle or to hold something. After being around in the various online cg/l and other communities a lot of people get catfished and it hurts.

So, as shy as i am, if someone asks for a picture after chatting a bit i always deliver. I know it seems a rude thing to ask but they may be more understanding than you give them credit for

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