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Need some new DDLG relationship help


Guest lovely-little-flower

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Guest lovely-little-flower

​I need some help with a relationship I am in. I told my boyfriend that I was into DDLG and he said that we could do it and try it out. So we have been in this DDLG relationship for I would say about a month now. Obviously he has no experience in the matter so I have been trying to help him and explain to him how things work. It was going pretty good for a while but now all of a sudden he says that while he can do it sometimes, he can't take care of me (like for example, tuck me into bed) all the time because he just kind of forgets about it. This kind of upset me and made me feel as if he is not really trying in the relationship. It might not even be true, but it just kind of hurt. Am i expecting too much consistency? What are other Daddy Doms like in relationship? How much do you guys take care of your littles? I feel like there is something wrong with me and I am too clingy and expect too much or perhaps I just worry too much and overthink.

Thanks in advance, 

Lillly

Edited by lovely-little-flower
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I think that your boyfriend is being fair and telling you that he can't commit to ddlg as a 24/7 lifestyle. He gave it a shot for you and while some aspects might be working for him some are not. If you expect him to embrace all of it simply because its what you want then yes, you are expecting too much from him.

 

Keep in mind all CGl relationships are different. So you "telling him how it works" is not giving him the right information. You can only tell him what you would like, and make compromises that work for you both. If your not satisfied with that then accept your not compatible.

 

Not all Daddy's need to take Care of their littles. Since littles are also adults we're quite capable of taking care of ourselves. There's a big difference in caring for and taking care of. Its important to find what works for both partners and neither partner should expect something from the other that they are honest about not having interest in or not being able to commit to.

Edited by Princess-P
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Guest DeOriginalMittens

Well....... He isn't used to doing these things, this isn't his normal mindset. He is fascinated with DDLG and wants to give it a try. However, this is a change for him. Most daddies go into it loving and wanting this stuff or always feeling this way their whole life and then discover it, so it isn't a new concept idea or thought. So for them, consistency is a tad bit easier. So you need to allow him more time to change fully. Honestly, I don't think you are asking for too much, I can see if he is severely ill, fever, can't move, or had surgery, and you asked him to do all this consistently. Then sure you may be asking too much, as long as you are willing to budge as much as he is, it isn't such a bad thing. Now if he isn't interested, doesn't want to, only said it to make you happy, or doesn't want the responsibility anymore, then that's a different story. Your demands, aren't unreasonable, however, you need to give him time to adjust to new concepts. So for him currently, it is too much to demand unless you constantly remind him to tuck you in and do all the ddlg stuff with you. Honestly, i would say it would depend on him and what is going on in that mind of his which I do not know, so i can't quite help you.

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Guest lovely-little-flower

I do not expect him to embrace all of it. And what i meant with telling him how it works is that I am telling him how it works for ME. What I like and so on. Of course every relationship is different. I don't expect him to do something he is not interested in at all. The only thing I don't want is for him to act like he is oky with it, because he says he is and I always ask him if he is, and then he doesn't remember things. Because that for me just seems like he doesn't want to. 

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I think you shouldn't take it to heart that he forgets since he is new to this, however him forgetting too often certainly shows a lack of interest in whatever he is forgetting.

 

So if you think you can't live without being tucked in every single night, move on to a guy who will do it without you having to ask.

 

Honestly I think that he is trying too much already, he is going along with your instructions and you don't seem to appreciate his efforts... then why would he be inclined to keep doing it or do more than that? keep at it and he will be the one to move on :/ your post sounds all about you... you might want to take a look in the mirror and figure out what you bring to the table.

 

In my experience it's a give and take thing, for some guys seeing you beam when they tuck you in is enough to keep doing it forever. But if it's not, and it's important to you, then you need to find something that will motivate him to do it, otherwise it becomes a boring tedious chore they get nothing out of or get used to the idea it's a special treat that will not happen all the time.

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Yes, you are expecting too much. You told him what you like, he said he'd try, now you expect him to fulfil everything you want. Do you do the same? Have you asked him to tell you everything he would like in a relationship, then given him every single thing without fail?

That's not how relationships work. You can't get upset when you don't get everything you want.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest PrincessMim

I don't think you're asking too much. 

 

Yess every ddlg relationship, just like all other types of relationships, are different. And if he's new to this it's normal that he needs time to adjust and figure out what he likes and needs instead of just checking off on things you've put on his daddy role list.

 

But him forgetting is a pretty good indicator that tucking you in and maybe other little care giver chores isn't something he enjoys. I think give him time, figure out what both of you like and want to do and that if some things you find crucial he can't do, maybe he isn't the right person for you ? :#

 

Hope you can figure it out loves xxx

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Guest Alainnb

Well, if he is a Daddy Dom for real but didn't know until now...I'd say you should give him some time to find himself in all of this....you seem to just have told him "how it works" and he has to follow this instruction.... besides of the fact that "how it works" doesn't exist but only "how it works for you", really...give him time. He's new to all of this, can you really expect him to do EVERYTHING out of nothing when he never did it before even once...? That's too much to ask for ( I guess)....

 

Also, I don't know what you told him or what your relationship looks like, but from your post, I assume you think a dd does everything....? That's not true, it needs two people to let this work. Otherwise, a dd could also tug a teddy bear to bed instead of his little. You need to not only tell him what you find crucial but also make HIM happy....show him how much you love him, that you try to be a good girl for him, that he makes you reaaaally happy with those actions and so on~ And if he forgets, it's probably not on purpose but simply because he's not used to it yet...you could go to him and cutely ask him to read you a bedtime story or so...make it special for HIM as well and he'll love doing it ^-^

 

 

I'd be interesting to know the daddy's opinions as well tho...this is posted in the caregiver cafe after all :D

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Guest pacibrat

24/7 Daddy is hard on some Daddies.  I'd say compromise and then maybe ramp it up again if he can get into that mindset.  This is still very new for him.  No pressures.  Maybe you two can decide on doing tuck ins a few nights a week instead of all 7, or if you've had a really bad day then you can ask him for it on that day.  On the days when he can't, tuck yourself in.  Have a little ritual where you get your blankie/paci/stuffie/whatevers and go lie down and just get all comfy under the covers and sleeps.  My ex-Daddy wasn't local so I had to do these things myself.  Knowing little self care is important too.

 

With all that said, give him time and if he can't do whatever it is you NEED in a relationship to feel fulfilled, then I'd say you should probably move on.  Only you can decide what level you are satisfied with.  You just need to recognize that he might not ever be able to give you that level.  

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