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My little crushed me.


Guest SimplySean

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Guest SimplySean
Over the past year or so me and my wife started a journey into ddlg. She opened up to me about it even though she felt it would run me off but instead I learned about it, reading forums learning about what a daddy is and the things I'm suppose to do. Turns out it was alot easier that expected bc I was already very daddyish, very protective. I tried to be what she needed me to be but it felt like she just couldn't get into her own little space so I didn't push it instead I just did the daddy stuff that was natural. We've had a long hard relationship. She ended up feeling like I wasn't giving her the attention she needed so she decided to seek it out from others in the form of sexting. I know alot of people don't think of that as cheating but I do, it wasn't physical but it's emotional. Turns out a little over a year ago she did it again because she felt I wasn't trying to move back home. I was unable to transfer jobs at the time because I wasn't there long enough and had to wait. Once I was eligible I talked to our personal guy every day until we finally got the gears rolling. Long story short we both fell into bad anxiety and depression a few weeks ago I had a near miss at work that would have ended mmy life if it happened and it got me thinking about everything that happened. How much we argued how much we hurt each other(I can't blame everything on her). I decided we needed to separate for a time. I grew very angry and knew the only way to heal was away from her, when in was with her I wanted to be her daddy and keep her safe and loved bit away from her I just couldn't stop feeling all that hurt. My heart has been so heavy not just figuratively it weighs down so hard in my chest. When i see her or talk to her it feels like a rock pulling me down farther. I never thought i would be contemplating all this and I feel awful. I've never had self worth and my self esteem has always been horrible and now it's just getting worse. I wish it would have killed me instead of what is actually happening. I can't get out of my head and I'm clinging to the one person I have i can talk to and I'm afraid I'm going to push her away too. Sorry for those who read this wall of text I guess it's just me trying to get it out but it still doesn't help. I don't want to try anymore bc it happened so many times and I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want to know what happens the next time because there may be no coming back...
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Guest ~Luna Rawrs~
I'm sorry you had to go through that. But maybe time away from each other will help, but if you really want to continue your relationship with your wife. I will give the advice of sitting down and talking to eachother as adults. Tell her how you were affected by what she did, and make sure to make your feelings about it known. If she doesn't think your putting much initiation into being a daddy for her, talk about that as well. Tell her you're willing to learn about what it takes to show her the affection she wants and needs from you. Even the one who has the most expierance in ddlg learns something new....hope what i said helps
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Guest SimplySean
We've had alot of talks about it she said she just didnt realize how open i was about it and hiw much i wanted to do it. Now that im talking about separation and leaving is when she is more than willing to do everything. I wasn't getting what I needed. I think my biggest issue right now is she wasn't willing to put in the effort she didn't before all because of what's now going on. Sorry doesn't fix this unfortunately
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Guest ~Luna Rawrs~
Maybe it is best to leave. If the thought of what she did or her not putting any effort into the relationship affects you so heavily, the only best choice for you is to leave. Heal, then maybe try to come to terms with her once you felt ready to move on....
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This has literally nothing to do with her being on any level an lg, or you being a daddy. She cheated on you. That's it. So sorry she put you through that. She has absolutely no excuse for it. You tried give her what you thought she needed. What she actually needs is to be dropped and never returned to. Yes that's easy for me to say, and obviously not easy to do. But that is the fact of the matter. In my opinion cheaters are amongst the lowest of the low.
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It's just so hard. I've been with her for 8 years.

 

And next year it will be 9 and then a decade... never stay just because you've been together for long!

 

It's like saying I have been eating small amounts of poisons for a week, might as well continue for a month or a year... nothing bad can come of that right? :o the only way I see this working out is you staying knowing it will happen again and it might not be just emotional next time. For that you would need to distance yourself emotionally, honestly it's just easier (and healthier) to end it.

 

I agree with SUeB, this has nothing to do with DDlg.

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