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Married & husband isn't interested in being a Daddy


Pulledmytrigger
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I've been with my husband for 10 years now, I've always felt like a little, especially within our relationship. Small things like enjoying puzzles & coloring, needing the little mermaid on repeat through the night to be able to sleep, being very submissive & wanting to please, always wanting caregiving attention, sitting with me through baths, tucking me in, etc. But it wasn't until a few years ago that I discovered the ddlg community & realized why I was the way I was. Seeing what a Daddy was & knowing how much I needed that, I of course began talking about it with my husband. He was open but not super interested in it & eventually I came to the realization that he does not want the responsibility of being my Daddy. He incorporates it into our sex life and occasionally does Daddy things for me... But it almost makes it harder because there's so much time in between that I feel so lonely and abandoned. I feel like such a burden, I'm so needy bc I'm not getting what I need, I'm depressed because I'm constantly forced to stay out of little space... I love my husband more than anyone in this world & would never leave him, I also do not want anyone else to be my Daddy. Any suggestions on what I could do that may help the way I'm feeling? I'm so tired of feeling like this & am considering trying my best to just close off this part of me so it stops hurting so badly... But I'm afraid I'll be just as miserable.
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One of things that I think might help, or at least put your mind at ease, is come to the forum. There is a lot of people here who are into DDlg, I mean its called the DDlg forum for a reason. ;) So you aren't alone here.

 

Secondly, With all these feelings your having, let your husband know. I think for him he is doing what he can, and that's fine. I would never suggest that you should force him into DD/lg but just talk to him.  Express that you get depressed because you aren't in one of your 'zones'. Maybe suggest to him, that he doesn't need to be apart of it, but like once a week or during your free time you'd like to do some 'little' activities, be it come to the forum, watch a movie, color, ect.  

 

I think what you need to do there is just tell him you respect that isn't something he is into but you do need it, and even before you knew what it was called, you were into that space and it helped you feel better. 

 

Even if your husband isn't a Daddy, you can still be little in your own way. You also can look for the compassion in different ways. Like hold his hand, be kissed, held, ect. :3 

Also when you talk to your husband you can ask him if you are a burden.  That way your heart can be at ease. You aren't one. 

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another thing you may be able to discuss (this really doesn't work for some people, and is really amazing for others) is the possibility of maybe having a closed (or even open!) polyamorous relationship with him and a daddy figure.

 

Depending on what works for you you could opt for an emotional support only daddy (i.e. no sex) or someone who's online (that way you might be able to be sexual with your hypothetical daddy without your husband feeling like you're cheating?). Obviously the key part is communication and that sort of relationship will never work if it's not something you can discuss freely and honestly with both your husband and your hypothetical daddy, but it's something I know has really helped friends of mine so thought it was worth mentioning.

 

Best of luck, and I really hope it works out for you! I know how hard it can be navigating little space with a disinterested partner. 

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another thing you may be able to discuss (this really doesn't work for some people, and is really amazing for others) is the possibility of maybe having a closed (or even open!) polyamorous relationship with him and a daddy figure.

 

Depending on what works for you you could opt for an emotional support only daddy (i.e. no sex) or someone who's online (that way you might be able to be sexual with your hypothetical daddy without your husband feeling like you're cheating?). Obviously the key part is communication and that sort of relationship will never work if it's not something you can discuss freely and honestly with both your husband and your hypothetical daddy, but it's something I know has really helped friends of mine so thought it was worth mentioning.

 

Best of luck, and I really hope it works out for you! I know how hard it can be navigating little space with a disinterested partner. 

 

Here is my issue: Poly is not supposed to be void filling. Void filling causes poly relationships to crumble. Poly is supposed to be partners who have equal terms with each other and are accepting of the others in the relationship. That's why a lot of people cannot handle poly relationships: Because they're jealous, or they feel replaced, or they actually do get replaced. You can go on about communication all you want but this is clearly something that poly would not be the answer for.

 

Please don't take this as an attack on you. I just feel like it's not the correct answer perhaps?

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I also agree that it's really important to keep the lines of communication open. I know you may felt reticent but it's important to try incorporating it bit by bit if it's that important to you. (Which I'm sure it is.) You can't alter someone's personality but you can try to mold against them and adjust as need be. Baby steps are important. I'm not sure if having him read up on the subject will help as much as trying to just ease him into the idea by bringing his daddy side out by whatever means you feel is best. I also think it's important to try to help him remove any moral stigma he may feel that's blocking his receptivity. DDLG isn't what it may appear to be and in truth, he may be more of a daddy than he knows. On the flip side, he may not be a natural nurturer which will require more work and perseverance on both of your parts. I don't think you should give up on him or on the little side of yourself. You need to ask him why he is initially opposed to being a daddy and work from there. Hopefully, you can broaden his perspective a bit, and evolve together. All couples must evolve together in order to remain happy together otherwise your loneliness will cause distance whether you like it or not. You need to show him that it's not simply a phase or fetish but a personality trait that must be loved and accepted like any other. 

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Oh my goodness. I am so in the same boat as you and I keep thinking he is going to get it. I did have to realize my husband is in the service industry and I have to give him time to come into daddy mode. We are slowly working on over coming some of the stigma. I brought it to him just like you. I know that If I went and asked another man to spend daddy time with me he would be heartbroken. So we should take it slow and keep talking.
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