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Trying to get it.


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A few weeks ago, my wife of ten years tells me she's been looking into (with interest) ddlg. This was, to what many would refer to a 'vanilla' like myself, a bit of a shock. Before this conversation took place, the lighter side of dom/sub had been brought up between us, but never really went anywhere, either because she was too shy, or we didn't broach the subject afterwards. Suffice it to say, this has become something she wants to explore/do, and I know only the base psychology of bdsm, but none of the practice. So, in my infinite desperation to provide her with what she wants, I've taken to the internet.


Judgements are all I found, which after reading much of the content here, isn't anything new to you all here. This is s friendly, safe community forum, which is why I felt the need to make an account.


I know nothing of this dynamic, but I love my wife dearly, and she's not entirely satisfied with our relationship. I'm not what would be called a caregiver in this respect, but if this is what she wants I need to learn it. So this is a plea, of sorts, not a judgement from someone looking from the outside in: I need help.

Where do I/we start?

She's never had a CG and doesn't know how to tell me her wants/needs, so I'm trying to find a starting point where we can begin to get a baseline into this.

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Talk. Then after you have talked for a while, talk some more.

Do not ever feel you have to follow any list of ddlg checklists, lol. For example i am so far different from many other lgs here. There are no "one true way" specifications.

Dip your toes in. Try a few things. If they work, fantastic, if they don't, then laugh it off and start with something else.

Take it slow. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither was a smooth-running relationship.

Look for ideas together. Laugh at the things that you both see as absolutely ridiculous, and against how you are as people, and talk about the things that interest and attract you. Have fun. Learn together.

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True the best way to "learn is communication"  keep doing that and things will get more clear. Its like SUeb said, There is not  ablue print liek, this is how its gonna be, follow this yellowbrinck roand and all is well..  Its a path you are willng to travel upon with your wife you love . .together you explore talk about it and explore more, meanwhile discoveries are made. if they "fitt the bill" there it is ..


Importent is to hear and listen to the wishes/needs/desires and feelings of your wife and yourself.

I think also that respect is diserved in the way you aproacht the wole "concept"


Feel free to ask around, make friends, discuss, debate and talk.


And welcome

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We are new to DDLG and I must say that after 20 years of marriage, this seems to fit us perfectly.  I think patience and not trying to fit into a preconceived mold of what others think your relationship should be is key.  Make it fit what you and your partner want and let it evolve naturally.  we have much more intimacy, better communication and we are the happiest we have been in years!  The communication gets better and easier when there is not a lot of pressure to "do this right" and to build trust that you can discuss anything without judgement. It just takes a little time.

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I think SUeB nailed it, but I feel the need to agree at length...


As has been said above, take your time and discover what works for you. 

I found myself here somewhat by accident, having realised that I'd had some ddlg-ness about me for some time without even knowing it was a thing, and hadn't really embraced it at the time.  There are things here that resonate with me and others that absolutely don't, and I'm not really going to change to fit the (non-existent) true way.

I'd say it's less something to learn and more something to learn about and discover.  There will be differences of opinion everywhere you look, don't be put off.

Welcome, have fun.

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