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Angelicpearl
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To start off with, I'm not exactly sure what this is going to come about as or what is going to be said in this topic because I haven't exactly made a "plan" for it but I'll give it my best shot. On the forum, in chat, I have noticed several different types of relationships (friend and partner types). I have also noticed that even though this site says it is 18+, there are a few people who don't exactly know how to act their age. By that I mean that when a problem comes up, whether it be with a friend on the site or with your significant other(s), deal with the problem like an adult. In my opinion, just because you're a Little, doesn't mean that you can't have a serious conversation and vice versa with being any kind of a Caregiver/Dom/Master. If two people are having problems, I think they should be able to talk it out amongst themselves and not drag everyone else in chat along with them. If a person needs advice on the situation, I think that they should be allowed to ask for it, but in a discreet manner so that no one's feelings are hurt and no one's putting blame on another person (because both could be equally at fault). In my personal opinion, I don't think it is right to have everyone target one person. As one person I like says "why can't both be right?" Meaning, why can't both people be right and why can't both people be at fault? If someone isn't listening to you then maybe you're not listening to them...maybe you're just waiting for them to finish their response because you already have a reply in place. Long story short, I think that everyone here should be able to solve their own problems on their own seeing as we're all adults, really, and that chat shouldn't be a place for bashing and drama to occur. It should be a safe place for anyone and everyone. In every argument there are always going to be two or more sides. Sometimes it's more worth it to just take the high road, even if it's not a fun one. People should be able to figure out their differences and realize that not everyone is perfect. If a relationship/friendship doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily your fault or their fault; sometimes that's just how life is. I believe that everyone has a someone for them, just have to be patient and figure out who they are. Relationships are hard and no one said they'd be easy, but that's what makes them all the more worth having. 

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In any relationship, communication is essential; even more so in BDSM style relationships. As you say, that means that sometimes you have to sit down as adults and talk things through.  However, I think that is also normal for people to want to ask friends, family etc for help when their relationship is going through a bad patch.  For a lot of people on here, I'm guessing that they can't easily do that if the problems are linked to the ddlg lifestyle, so they ask for help on here.  

Most of the threads that I have seen tend to be fairly balanced overall, but occasionally some people forget the saying 'There are 3 sides to every story, his, hers and the truth'

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In any relationship, communication is essential; even more so in BDSM style relationships. As you say, that means that sometimes you have to sit down as adults and talk things through.  However, I think that is also normal for people to want to ask friends, family etc for help when their relationship is going through a bad patch.  For a lot of people on here, I'm guessing that they can't easily do that if the problems are linked to the ddlg lifestyle, so they ask for help on here.  

Most of the threads that I have seen tend to be fairly balanced overall, but occasionally some people forget the saying 'There are 3 sides to every story, his, hers and the truth'

 

Exactly, which is why I was saying that if someone does need that advice, I think they should be allowed to ask, just in a more discreet manner so that it's not placing blame on others when it could be just as much their fault as it could be the person they're talkin' abouts. 

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Stupidity has no age , my dear. Throughout history you can see people being stupid, making tragic mistakes, and pull others with them to hell. 

You can see people being blind, idiotic, sheeps that are guarded by a clever wolf, ready to believe anything as long as you are the first to tell them.

 

For me you are right, but i think everyone of us has made this mistake once/twice (or always) in our life , that we believed someone just because he said the story first, or because he/she was our relative, best friend etc. 

 

Stupidity is a web and we are all doomed flies :p

 

oooh and as for not talking about it like adults....eh well the stupidity factor again. 

 

Stupidity is fine, once and a while, but if it's brought up every single time that you're in chat, I think that's when it gets to be a bit much...I feel like at that point they should either take a break or just talk to a mod about the problem, if nothing is getting resolved by talking to the other person(s) in the argument/problem. And I feel like to those of us who are listening to the stories, we should be open minded or at least try to be and take a neutral stance and try to see all sides of the story. I agree, I've made the mistake many times of just listening to the one side of the story, but I like to think that I've learned from that and have more of an open minded approach now. (not perfect but more so open minded than I was in past) 

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Guest JayRingo77

Eliminating bias so we can effectively communicate with our loved ones is hard enough for many.  Doing it for complete strangers behind the anonymity of the forum?  Even in my most altruistic self I don't think I'm entirely capable of such a thing.

 

I agree.  There's a lot of 'should' in this conversation that, unfortunately, does not take hold.  Allowing your own ideas to be challenged can make us feel vulnerable, especially when the challenge becomes increasingly aggressive and mean-spirited.  The first line of defense is to retreat, cut communication, and become more entrenched in our own personal opinions.  Somewhere in the exponential growth of our means to communicate we lost the ability to talk to one another. 

 

(I remember a day when you HAD to be home on a land line to call ANYONE and long distance charges made today's cell phone bills look like chump change).

 

Pervasive apathy is strangling our humanity.  I do what I can to push it back and applaud this effort to draw awareness; however, I don't know that the people who need to read this thread will get past the first three sentences of your initial post.  Doesn't mean we should stop trying.

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Eliminating bias so we can effectively communicate with our loved ones is hard enough for many.  Doing it for complete strangers behind the anonymity of the forum?  Even in my most altruistic self I don't think I'm entirely capable of such a thing.

 

I agree.  There's a lot of 'should' in this conversation that, unfortunately, does not take hold.  Allowing your own ideas to be challenged can make us feel vulnerable, especially when the challenge becomes increasingly aggressive and mean-spirited.  The first line of defense is to retreat, cut communication, and become more entrenched in our own personal opinions.  Somewhere in the exponential growth of our means to communicate we lost the ability to talk to one another. 

 

(I remember a day when you HAD to be home on a land line to call ANYONE and long distance charges made today's cell phone bills look like chump change).

 

Pervasive apathy is strangling our humanity.  I do what I can to push it back and applaud this effort to draw awareness; however, I don't know that the people who need to read this thread will get past the first three sentences of your initial post.  Doesn't mean we should stop

Well thank you for reading it at least. 

Edited by Angelicpearl
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Guest JayRingo77

Well thank you for reading it at least. 

I know...I'm as frustrated as you are that people won't take the time to try and understand anyone and consider more than their own point of view.  Truly wish you the best and will be here in the forum along side you, hoping people read my posts to try and make things a little better all around.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Relationships are always going to have ups and downs. But, no matter what, in the end, you only have yourself at the end of the day. Sure, it's great to have a significant other that you can spend your time with and who you can talk to about certain things, but if they don't ACT like they love you, SHOW that they love you, and only say "I love you", I would say, they don't really. A person who truly loves you will show you they love you, they won't just say it. They will be with you through thick and thin. If you push them away, they will hold you tightly to their chest because they never want to let you go. They will never want to see you hurt and they most DEFINITELY will not want to be the one to cause you to be hurting. Love is not a game that you play. It is something that takes time and patience. It is delicate. If you have bad past experiences and you tell your significant other about them and they bring you down, then they don't love you. If you tell them and they help you, encourage you, work with you on fixing the reprocussions of your past, then they love you. Someone who loves you will ALWAYS fight for you, no matter how hard it gets. They will always ensure to put a smile on your face at the end of the day. So if you're not happy with the relationship that you're in, ask yourself why, talk to them about it, if nothing changes, leave. Leave because it will be the best decision you will have ever made. A person who loves you will change and grow with you in order to make you a better person. 

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While i agree with a lot of that, not all of those things prove love or commitment. If someone is being regularly pushed away, they are well within their rights to walk away. In fact i would tell them to do just that.

And if someone is behaving in a destructive or volatile manner, their partner should absolutely not fight for them.

And if you feel that you or your partner have to change in any way, you are most likely with the wrong person to start with.

There are always things that don't quite work in practice in the real world. It's nice to have an overly romanticised view of relationships, but unfortunately that's not really how it works in reality.

 

Lol, edit. For some reason when i clicked on the discussion, i thought the post above mine was the first post. So i was replying to that, not the actual first post. Such a dumbo :p

Edited by SUeB
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Relationships are always going to have ups and downs. But, no matter what, in the end, you only have yourself at the end of the day. Sure, it's great to have a significant other that you can spend your time with and who you can talk to about certain things, but if they don't ACT like they love you, SHOW that they love you, and only say "I love you", I would say, they don't really. A person who truly loves you will show you they love you, they won't just say it. They will be with you through thick and thin. If you push them away, they will hold you tightly to their chest because they never want to let you go. They will never want to see you hurt and they most DEFINITELY will not want to be the one to cause you to be hurting. Love is not a game that you play. It is something that takes time and patience. It is delicate. If you have bad past experiences and you tell your significant other about them and they bring you down, then they don't love you. If you tell them and they help you, encourage you, work with you on fixing the reprocussions of your past, then they love you. Someone who loves you will ALWAYS fight for you, no matter how hard it gets. They will always ensure to put a smile on your face at the end of the day. So if you're not happy with the relationship that you're in, ask yourself why, talk to them about it, if nothing changes, leave. Leave because it will be the best decision you will have ever made. A person who loves you will change and grow with you in order to make you a better person.

 

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -Friedrich Nietzsche.

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