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Seriously-Just-DON'T!!


Guest SweetKira
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Guest SweetKira
I am sure this has been a topic many times before, but WHY do so many people ghost?? It is MEAN, RUDE and UNNECESSARY! How hard is it to send a polite message excusing yourself and explaining you don't think you're a match or whatever reason you're done talking to someone...if they respond with craziness or anger or anything you can block them but shouldn't everyone assume that the other person is mature enough to handle being rejected, and give them the benefit of the doubt? It is sooooo unkind to simply disapear with no explanation. I'm venting here a bit but just am stunned by the number of folks out there who seem to do this. It's sad...and it hurts way worse than someone jus saying bye bye.
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This is the era of faceless, easily discarded chat. No answer more complicated than that, unfortunately. No thought, no effort, no consideration. Just send a few messages back and forth with no physical or emotional investment, then move on to the next one when it gets boring.

You just have to get used to it i am afraid. It's not going to stop any day soon. But yep, it's frustrating and annoying. Mostly from people putting on an act, cheating on a partner, trying to be something they're not with an online fake persona etc etc.

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Guest JayRingo77

Someone who can't handle responsibility? Someone fake? I don't know

Both, at the very least.  Fake and they can't hold up to the lies they fed you; too insecure because they can't handle the responsibility of what goes into forging a real relationship; or they're catfish looking for quick kink fixes and easy bait to try and satisfy their unending hunger.  In the end it doesn't matter and I wouldn't invest much thought trying to figure it out.  But that's hard because some part of you will try to nag at the back of your head, wondering 'was it something I did?'

 

Honestly - no.  It never has anything to do with you.

 

I'm sorry that you keep running into this problem, and I'm sure ghosting is more rampant among Littles (as the recipients - obviously).  The motivation behind it never ceases to confound me in how uncaring someone can be for another human being.  I hope some of the 'Daddies' I've run into on here read through the threads giving guidance on honesty, communication, and what it takes to properly foster a ward.

 

What I can say with 100% certainty is I'm sorry this happened to you. 

Edited by JayRingo77
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Guest SweetKira
That makes sense, SUeb. And i myself drop conversations sometimes, but not with intention of disapearing and certainly respond when folks pick it up again...because of chatting with many people trying to be friendly, but I'm talking about when someone stops responding and you realize it's because they deleted their account or blocked you without a reason... basically making it impossible to ask them why since it's anonymous and faceless as you said.
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Well, I once disappeared from a platform for a while (about two-three weeks, I think) because I fell in love in reality. My head was far too high in the clouds to even think about logging in.

I did eventually remember that one guy I had a good conversation with on it and logged in to tell him what happened and apologise that I hadn't been on. My profile eventually got deleted a few months later for a lack of activity.

I really would have liked to maybe keep in contact and being friendly but I don't think the guy was interested in that (knowing that I was now "taken") and it would have felt vaguely unfaithful to the person I fell in love with since it was a dating platform and we had flirted quite heavily. :blushing:

 

Anyway, I think there can be reasons outside of a person's control (family crisis, health issues, a huge work project, technical problems, etc. ) that may lead to an unintentional interruption. Some people feel too overwhelmed to give an explanation and ghost because it doesn't seem to matter after a certain amount of time.

But it's probably more common for people to just give up on whatever relationship has been building online for a variety of other reasons. I know a few cases where it was because they have juggled several contacts at the same time and they only spend time on the one currently most interesting. Obviously I think they should give some kind of explanation but they usually don't want to ruin their chances in case they need one of their "back-ups" when things don't work out.

In essence, I don't like to make assumptions - we can't know what goes on in someone else's head and often not even their life - but I seriously despise ghosting and struggle with the question as well. :(

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Sadly it's the internet and it happens a lot. I learned to live with it and not let it get to me.

 

Some reasons may be:

 

* Impatient, they don't want to be your friend first and feel you are moving too slow so they move to the next.

* They simply feel you are no match for them - could be a lot of reasons as to why.

* They have found someone else already and disappears from the earth so to speak - devoting their time to their newfound love.

* Getting scared once he/she gets closer to the person.

* Sensitive, can't control their anger and are unforgiven when something that has been said they may feel offended by, at that point they don't feel like talking to you anymore.

* Of course there could very well have happened something in real life, like getting in an accident - though rarely the case.

 

When people lose interest or their interest shifting they don't seem to be invested in them anymore and you could rarely expect a reason from them, more so on the internet.

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Guest JayRingo77

Anyway, I think there can be reasons outside of a person's control (family crisis, health issues, a huge work project, technical problems, etc. ) that may lead to an unintentional interruption. 

While not the case here, given the sudden interruption (deleted/blocked), it is a good point to keep in mind in the broader sense of the conversation.  Not all ghosting is intentional and more of life happens away from the keyboard than behind it.

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Guest SweetKira
It did lead me to change my profile to be even more transparent. Because the last two to do this to me did it right after I got comfy enough to reveal some personal info that isn't then easiest to talk about upfront. I'm hoping my profile will now scare away the type who can't deal with being real. Even though it's hard to be so transparent and exposed. I'd rather...than have this keep happening
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I am so happy that there is this thread!! YES!! It is VERY frustrating!!! If you put in all that time and effort into talking and getting to know someone why cant you just say "hey sorry I dont think this is going to work out" or something like that.. ugh. Id rather be rejected than be left alone in the dark unknowing what happened!!

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Guest SweetKira
Exactly....it's one thing if you hadnt got that far or deep . Completely another though if it seems serious and you're starting to let yourself be vulnerable because you're starting to trust them. I understand life gets in the way but you don't get serious and then run off with zero explanation there's no excuse for that.
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Especially for the caregiver role... i mean dude man up!! or lady up.. haha you know what i mean!! lol. As a little it makes me WAY more anxious and does much more harm to be ghosted so that isnt fair to do that much damage!

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Ghosting is always going to happen whenever you are trying to form friendships and relationships via the internet. It sucks but it's bound to happen at some point to everyone. People may feel too shy or awkward to explain their reasoning behind not wanting to talk anymore, or they may just not want to make the effort in letting you know. Sometimes ghosting happens because people honestly do get busy and sometimes things come up such as IRL emergencies, internet getting cut off, etc. I've ghosted people before because they made me very uncomfortable, which in that case I always think it's morally correct to ghost. 

 

I feel like people also sometimes do not realize they are actually talking to other living, breathing people. They're so detached from reality that they fail to empathize and consider the other person's feelings and emotions. They aren't able to comprehend how hurtful and confusing ghosting may be because they fail to even comprehend they're talking to a person, not a screen.

 

I was ghosted by a guy on Tinder a few months back. Went out on a date and everything, things went fine, and after that for a day or two things were fine, and then he ghosted. He did the whole thing where they stop talking to you as much and you just start interacting with each other less and less until there's no interaction at all. With those situations you can usually tell when somebody is about to ghost you. 

 

In the end, I don't think anybody owes anybody an explanation or reason behind why they stopped talking to them. Of course it's polite and makes them a better person for doing so, but at the end of the day we're all our own self and can make decisions based on what we see fit. 

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Guest SweetKira
Maybe people have different ideas about what ghosting means...to me it's when someone stops abruptly, doesn't respond to polite texts and then suddenly cuts off contact they are literally just gone. Yes life can be the reason behind that but if you've been seriously talking about potentially getting together I'm really having trouble believing that something drastic happened to them other than they were posing or changed their mind and didn't want to deal with telling you.
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Guest Andyy95

Well this problem is one that is good too discuss and vent about, but hopeless to solve. I find the response from SUeB to be the most on the money. 

 

I myself think that I only ghosted a person once, do to some personal issues , but explained myself a few weeks later. But anyway, this sounds like i'm trying to self-promote myself as a good upstanding guy and it makes even myself cringe, bruh. 

 

But on to my opinions on the matter. This is the internet, people have anonimity and tend to create fake personas as SUeB stated before. What's the reason? most common would be something sexual, be it some kinky stuff they saw on 50 shades of gray, nudes,  sexting or whatever. The seccond one is the need to express the person they wish they were irl online, do to being too shy and what not to do so irl. There's a third and a fourth and so on as well, but i think these two rock it to the top. When doing so MOST just consider it as a way to kill time and fulfill their ego and needs with no consideration to the other person's. I mean it's just someone on the internet, right? WRONG!

Ofcorse it's not always a fake persona, but just a person being selfish and choosing the easy way out when they get bored , or they find someone who THEY CONSIDER to be better. 

I get really irked by it. What iritattes me the most is the fact that ppl pretend to truly want something they don't really. In my interactions I make a tendancy to always make my intentions clear. I did the same in my personal. Clearly stated that i'm not looking for anything in particcular , just interaction with likeminded people.

 

What is my advice to anyone that gets ghosted? I have NONE. You just have to accept that the interactions u make online are a gamble, with the odds stacked against you. But hey, I once bet on one square when playing the roulette and won , soooo :p ... I remember when I used to get really attached to ppl online quickly and would feel really down when ghosted, but I have since then grown and adapted so I wouldn't be eliminated by natural selection. Darwinism 101 :p

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Ghosting is always going to happen whenever you are trying to form friendships and relationships via the internet. It sucks but it's bound to happen at some point to everyone. People may feel too shy or awkward to explain their reasoning behind not wanting to talk anymore, or they may just not want to make the effort in letting you know. Sometimes ghosting happens because people honestly do get busy and sometimes things come up such as IRL emergencies, internet getting cut off, etc. I've ghosted people before because they made me very uncomfortable, which in that case I always think it's morally correct to ghost.

 

I feel like people also sometimes do not realize they are actually talking to other living, breathing people. They're so detached from reality that they fail to empathize and consider the other person's feelings and emotions. They aren't able to comprehend how hurtful and confusing ghosting may be because they fail to even comprehend they're talking to a person, not a screen.

 

I was ghosted by a guy on Tinder a few months back. Went out on a date and everything, things went fine, and after that for a day or two things were fine, and then he ghosted. He did the whole thing where they stop talking to you as much and you just start interacting with each other less and less until there's no interaction at all. With those situations you can usually tell when somebody is about to ghost you.

 

In the end, I don't think anybody owes anybody an explanation or reason behind why they stopped talking to them. Of course it's polite and makes them a better person for doing so, but at the end of the day we're all our own self and can make decisions based on what we see fit.

 

Well this problem is one that is good too discuss and vent about, but hopeless to solve. I find the response from SUeB to be the most on the money.

 

I myself think that I only ghosted a person once, do to some personal issues , but explained myself a few weeks later. But anyway, this sounds like i'm trying to self-promote myself as a good upstanding guy and it makes even myself cringe, bruh.

 

But on to my opinions on the matter. This is the internet, people have anonimity and tend to create fake personas as SUeB stated before. What's the reason? most common would be something sexual, be it some kinky stuff they saw on 50 shades of gray, nudes, sexting or whatever. The seccond one is the need to express the person they wish they were irl online, do to being too shy and what not to do so irl. There's a third and a fourth and so on as well, but i think these two rock it to the top. When doing so MOST just consider it as a way to kill time and fulfill their ego and needs with no consideration to the other person's. I mean it's just someone on the internet, right? WRONG!

Ofcorse it's not always a fake persona, but just a person being selfish and choosing the easy way out when they get bored , or they find someone who THEY CONSIDER to be better.

I get really irked by it. What iritattes me the most is the fact that ppl pretend to truly want something they don't really. In my interactions I make a tendancy to always make my intentions clear. I did the same in my personal. Clearly stated that i'm not looking for anything in particcular , just interaction with likeminded people.

 

What is my advice to anyone that gets ghosted? I have NONE. You just have to accept that the interactions u make online are a gamble, with the odds stacked against you. But hey, I once bet on one square when playing the roulette and won , soooo :p ... I remember when I used to get really attached to ppl online quickly and would feel really down when ghosted, but I have since then grown and adapted so I wouldn't be eliminated by natural selection. Darwinism 101 :p

Seconded on both these guys. And thanks for making me spit all over my screen with the self promotion comment @Andyy95 ! It was the "bruh" that did it :p Edited by SUeB
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In todays age of technology there is no reason a person, unless they are injured, that can not contact the other person. In taking the role of a caregiver you should have the best intrest of your little in mind. If you know you have the possibility of dissappearing tell the other person up front or do not start a relationship that will fail when you bail.
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Guest Andyy95

That's the point, most of these people have no interest in any kind of relationship. It's just a bit of mindless, anonymous fun til they get bored.

 

I don't have anything against that tho. Like I mean if you are upfront about your intentions, and say you only want to do play sessions and that you arent interested in anything more. BUT people don't do that 99,999% of the time. They say how they want to make you their everything , care for you , and so on, just to get those play sessions and what not. 

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