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Guest Volkmane1985
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Guest Volkmane1985

...say they don't look great when a guy tells them they do?

 

My Little is a bit shy when it comes to pictures and in our last bit of conversation I asked why and that said she looked great.

 

Her response was "No I don't".  Is this just low self-esteem or not used to a guy giving her compliments?

 

N/B - My Little is attractive, looks great and dresses well.

Edited by Volkmane1985
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Guest Beardless Viking

From personal experience, and knowing myself when it comes to similar things, it's probably a combination of low self esteem and not knowing how else to respond to a compliment of that nature.  People with low self esteem are going to disagree, and feel like giver of the compliment is being dishonest, because they can't imagine how someone could find them beautiful. Receiving compliments for some people is a lot harder than you might think. For some it might also be that compliments feel really good, and they know that disagreeing will grant them further compliments, so that's why they do it.

Edited by Beardless Viking
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I've battled low self esteem my entire life. My own parents negatively influenced how I see myself, not just my peers. I've had men approach me and harass me as a joke into adulthood.

 

I don't know your little's history/upbringing, but maybe she isn't used to hearing compliments. And when she does, she's suspicious because they're rare. Please don't give up on her, keep complimenting her and showing her as much as you can how attractive you think she is. 

 

A lot of littles (and women in general) are insecure, and we appreciate men like you being willing to take on a little who battles self esteem on a regular basis. 

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Guest Volkmane1985

Yeah I guess that's true and most likely her 'issue'.

 

Personally for myself I always found it odd when a Manager would suddenly talk to me and my defenses were instantly up.  I also found it odd when I would get complimented by staff running an I.T course I did the other week.

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In my opinion it would be both.  A lot of people have low self-esteem so thats most likely the reason, but if she really isnt used to getting compliments then she probably doesnt know how to accept them so she just finds it easier to dissagree with them.  I know in my case its mainly the low self-esteem but I usually just try my best to ignore them.  Everyone is different though so I think the best thing to do is ask her about it.  Most importantly though even if she dissagrees with them, never stop giving her compliments because even if she doesnt believe them it still feels nice.

Edited by EriSol211
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Speaking for myself I had always been compared with other girls by my grandmother during my childhood, and of course I had always been the defective one. When I saw my parents, they would barely pay attention to me or basically look after me, thus they were busy with either work or arguing. Sooo, not being used to compliments may cause us to react differently because of it's being rarely. 

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I was taught to disagree becuase accepting compliments aren’t ladylike. I’ve since figured out my mom had/has severe self esteem issues and she tried her best to make my sisters and I the same.

 

Your little might be doing what she was taught.

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Guest Mister Grey

or she disagreed in order to get you to compliment her again and again and again

 

just wanted to sneak that in there among all the darkness of low self esteem. 

 

Things aren't always as dire, the explanation could be light hearted.  I am going to hold on to that this holiday season.

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Guest JayRingo77

There's a plethora of issues that could be contributing to her handling of compliments.  While showering her with compliments seems appropriate, your last statement - 'I just asked if she has low self-esteem...' - tells me there hasn't been much of a conversation into her feelings and her perspective or their origin.  I suggest starting there, digging into how she views herself and what drives it, and then tailoring a proper response.  This avoids frustration on her part (why won't he just talk to me about how I feel; he doesn't understand) and yours (why doesn't she see herself the way I do, why does she feel the need to contradict me all the time) by getting to the root of the problem instead of damage control of symptoms.

 

It's like throwing water on an electrical fire.  You think you're helping but it's never going to put the fire out and may make it worse.  Soon as you cut the power, the fire dies down and your showering compliments will have the desired effect.

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Guest SamiBubbles
I have a very low self esteem . I honestly don't think I'm pretty at all. But when people tell me. I just smile and says thank you. but I don't beilive them. Because I've been bullied badly before. Where people have been saying I'm not good enough or ugly.
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Guest pacibrat

I was taught to disagree becuase accepting compliments aren’t ladylike. I’ve since figured out my mom had/has severe self esteem issues and she tried her best to make my sisters and I the same.

 

Your little might be doing what she was taught.

 

I was raised the opposite and was taught to accept compliments graciously.  Then again, I was raised in a household where being pretty and ladylike with perfect manners was the ONLY thing to be if you were female and so that's what I became.  This is probably why I still, to this day, don't appreciate any academic achievements I have made.  They just are.  It's interesting to see how our parents shaped our view of self in the various responses to this thread.

 

As for the OP, I think you've been given some good advice. :)

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Taking aside all of the low self-esteem, bad relationships, possible mental abuse, etc - the normal reasons for a woman to not see herself as beautiful, you also have to understand... we literally see the worst parts of ourselves that no guy can really understand.

 

We are there for the gross moments (periods, cramping, without makeup, in grummy clothes, just woken up, when we are sick, etc), we see oursleves from the worst angles (looking down, through a phone, never in a candid moment, never with light in our eyes when we are speaking passionately, etc) and most importantly - most girls have a comparison issue. With this imaginary "her" that she can possibly one day be, but isn't at this moment. This girl in our head, the figure/person we want to me, more likely than not, it is unattainable. Which makes us see our flaws even more. 

 

Not to mention the cast aside self-esteem issues, or the words that are etched in our skin from past criticisms or hate-filled comments. And when this woman is a little - all of that is magnified because... well... most littles are more sensitive (not all, I understand). 

 

They don't say this to seek attention (well... not most of them) or to upset their CGs... but reality is... they don't see what you all are talking about. We don't see the girl you see. We can't see ourselves through your love-filled eyes, we see ourselves through our critical lenses. Sadly.

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Guest Volkmane1985

I asked her this mornings my why she has body self-esteem issues, I.e why she feels the way she does.

 

Her response was “I just feel fat”

 

She is in no shape or form fat.

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Guest Stinkin'ol'Fred
Tell her when you look at her you see her love, her brain, her in true form. She has to be able to come to terms with you liking her how she is and accept that she is enough for you or else you'll end being the one constantly reassuring her. Tell her why have a 6-pack when you could have a keg? Tell her that's more cushion for the pushin. Positive reinforcement. Them love handles do come in handy. No one wants to hang onto skin n bone. (Some may but in this case no lol) a lil pudge is cute too. Fat people actual morbidly obese people have more chins than a Hong Kong phone book. If she can't accept herself after that I fear she may need therapy
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It depends on the girl. Me personally, I can't see myself as pretty, or whatever adjective you can come up with, because I was in a really emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that destroyed my self esteem entirely. Seeing myself as something positive, rather than what my mind makes me see myself as, is extremely difficult to do; and taking compliments from people is even harder, because your mind instantly has you start thinking those people are all lying to you. It's Hell.

 

 

The best advice I can give you, is to keep complimenting your little. I don't mean rain them down on her, but keep giving them. She might disagree with you a lot of the time, but overtime, she just may see herself differently, and start accepting them. I hope things will get better for her and you

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Guest Volkmane1985

As much as you can have a deep conversation over WhatsApp I think I got my point across to her. I also made sure she knew it wasn’t Daddy talking to her and that I was talking to Big and not Little.

 

In the end she does accept what I’m saying as true because of who it is coming from, even if she still feels as though she’s fat and doesn’t look great.

 

I do wonder why she keeps wearing skirts if she doesn’t like her appearance, would she not wear frumpy clothing?

Edited by Volkmane1985
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As much as you can have a deep conversation over WhatsApp I think I got my point across to her. I also made sure she knew it wasn’t Daddy talking to her and that I was talking to Big and not Little.

 

In the end she does accept what I’m saying as true because of who it is coming from, even if she still feels as though she’s fat and doesn’t look great.

 

I do wonder why she keeps wearing skirts if she doesn’t like her appearance, would she not wear frumpy clothing?

 

I don't know if she really feels that way then, or maybe she's really happy with her legs but dislikes other parts?

 

This, or she could just be happy with her appearance some days and feel lower other days. Either way, it's good she's wearing clothing she feels comfortable in, maybe people will even like it and comment on it, it might give her a confidence boost!

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Guest Volkmane1985

I guess, either way I'm happy that she's happy and understood where I was coming from.  I think I'll only bring it up again once the relationship is more than just LDR (hopefully).

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Guest Kidheart
As someone with low self-esteem, I find it hard to believe when someone compliments me. It’s easier if their actions speak for them by for example asking me to turn my webcam on or going out of their way to look at my pictures. I’m also more likely to take compliments if they’re specific (eyes, hair, legs, etc.) as it doesn’t give me as much room to overthink it.
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How long have you known her? I am in no way 'fat' but like all women right now I'm having a fat week. I feel lousy down to hormones and the joys of being a female. Could it be as simple as its just one of those weeks? I wouldn't suggest asking that lol, just be aware.

 

I would be a little bit careful on how you phrase things, If I was feeling down about myself and my partner messaged me to ask why I had self esteem issues etc think id feel worse. I kind of think certain discussions you save for real life because its very hard to read her body language and tone by a message.

 

Please also remember women have been told from pretty much birth how to be women. How to look, act, what is and is not attractive. Its social conditioning and it really messes even the most confident girls up.

I think if you did a survery you would find a high proportion of women feel totally undesirable at certain times in life. Its not good and its a very touchy subject.

 

Id suggest when these topics come up maybe compliment her on something else. And make that none physical. I have no idea how to take compliments on how I look physocally. As Ive never been taught that.It makes me highly uncomfy.

 

So yes, use some tact, compliment carefully and maybe have a real life chat at some point.

Its a big issues affecting alot of females. We really need to look at how women are being raised, just look at some of the comments on this thread from the ladies.

Its not just a thing we do, its a result of years of unequal opps.

 

Hope she feels abit better anyways.

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Not all girls will respond like that for me it is a mix of several factors such as self esteem, paranoia, trust issues etc every girl has a different reason when they respond like that maybe try asking her why she feels like she isn't pretty?
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Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾
Also, try not to dwell too much on the subject. So often not at least. I can understand that she feels insecure about her body. I hated my body for years, and that didn't mean I was hiding it in any way. I hated my legs and one like that used shorts or skirts. But for me it is uncomfortable to be asked frequently about the parts I hate in my body. Because it is a completely personal topic and one has to overcome it alone.

It bothers me, for example, when I say that I think I'm fat. Ovbly I'm not fat, compared to other people. But I can look fat compared to myself at another time in my life, and that bothers me and makes me feel insecure.

It's like people tell you that you have no right to feel insecure or ugly just because you're thin.

 

Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.

 

So just stay with her and give her your love. It is not necessary that you do anything, only that she knows that she has your support and you will be with her.


Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.
 



Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one

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