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    #1 Volkmane1985

    Volkmane1985

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:29 PM

    ...say they don't look great when a guy tells them they do?

     

    My Little is a bit shy when it comes to pictures and in our last bit of conversation I asked why and that said she looked great.

     

    Her response was "No I don't".  Is this just low self-esteem or not used to a guy giving her compliments?

     

    N/B - My Little is attractive, looks great and dresses well.


    Edited by Volkmane1985, 06 December 2017 - 05:31 PM.


    #2 Beardless Viking

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:35 PM

    From personal experience, and knowing myself when it comes to similar things, it's probably a combination of low self esteem and not knowing how else to respond to a compliment of that nature.  People with low self esteem are going to disagree, and feel like giver of the compliment is being dishonest, because they can't imagine how someone could find them beautiful. Receiving compliments for some people is a lot harder than you might think. For some it might also be that compliments feel really good, and they know that disagreeing will grant them further compliments, so that's why they do it.


    Edited by Beardless Viking, 06 December 2017 - 05:37 PM.

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    #3 princessfreckles

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:40 PM

    I've battled low self esteem my entire life. My own parents negatively influenced how I see myself, not just my peers. I've had men approach me and harass me as a joke into adulthood.

     

    I don't know your little's history/upbringing, but maybe she isn't used to hearing compliments. And when she does, she's suspicious because they're rare. Please don't give up on her, keep complimenting her and showing her as much as you can how attractive you think she is. 

     

    A lot of littles (and women in general) are insecure, and we appreciate men like you being willing to take on a little who battles self esteem on a regular basis. 


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    #4 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:40 PM

    Yeah I guess that's true and most likely her 'issue'.

     

    Personally for myself I always found it odd when a Manager would suddenly talk to me and my defenses were instantly up.  I also found it odd when I would get complimented by staff running an I.T course I did the other week.



    #5 EriSol211

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:48 PM

    In my opinion it would be both.  A lot of people have low self-esteem so thats most likely the reason, but if she really isnt used to getting compliments then she probably doesnt know how to accept them so she just finds it easier to dissagree with them.  I know in my case its mainly the low self-esteem but I usually just try my best to ignore them.  Everyone is different though so I think the best thing to do is ask her about it.  Most importantly though even if she dissagrees with them, never stop giving her compliments because even if she doesnt believe them it still feels nice.


    Edited by EriSol211, 07 December 2017 - 07:54 PM.


    #6 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:53 PM

    Oh I wouldn't lie to her :p



    #7 mintypowder

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 05:59 PM

    Speaking for myself I had always been compared with other girls by my grandmother during my childhood, and of course I had always been the defective one. When I saw my parents, they would barely pay attention to me or basically look after me, thus they were busy with either work or arguing. Sooo, not being used to compliments may cause us to react differently because of it's being rarely. 


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    #8 TwistedColors

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 06:16 PM

    I was taught to disagree becuase accepting compliments aren’t ladylike. I’ve since figured out my mom had/has severe self esteem issues and she tried her best to make my sisters and I the same.

    Your little might be doing what she was taught.
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    #9 Mister Grey

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 06:21 PM

    or she disagreed in order to get you to compliment her again and again and again

     

    just wanted to sneak that in there among all the darkness of low self esteem. 

     

    Things aren't always as dire, the explanation could be light hearted.  I am going to hold on to that this holiday season.



    #10 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 06:50 PM

    I have just asked if she has low self-esteem and she responded with bodywise issues.

    #11 JayRingo77

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 07:58 PM

    There's a plethora of issues that could be contributing to her handling of compliments.  While showering her with compliments seems appropriate, your last statement - 'I just asked if she has low self-esteem...' - tells me there hasn't been much of a conversation into her feelings and her perspective or their origin.  I suggest starting there, digging into how she views herself and what drives it, and then tailoring a proper response.  This avoids frustration on her part (why won't he just talk to me about how I feel; he doesn't understand) and yours (why doesn't she see herself the way I do, why does she feel the need to contradict me all the time) by getting to the root of the problem instead of damage control of symptoms.

     

    It's like throwing water on an electrical fire.  You think you're helping but it's never going to put the fire out and may make it worse.  Soon as you cut the power, the fire dies down and your showering compliments will have the desired effect.


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    #12 SamiBubbles

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 08:05 PM

    I have a very low self esteem . I honestly don't think I'm pretty at all. But when people tell me. I just smile and says thank you. but I don't beilive them. Because I've been bullied badly before. Where people have been saying I'm not good enough or ugly.

    #13 pacibrat

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 10:11 PM

    I was taught to disagree becuase accepting compliments aren’t ladylike. I’ve since figured out my mom had/has severe self esteem issues and she tried her best to make my sisters and I the same.

    Your little might be doing what she was taught.

     

    I was raised the opposite and was taught to accept compliments graciously.  Then again, I was raised in a household where being pretty and ladylike with perfect manners was the ONLY thing to be if you were female and so that's what I became.  This is probably why I still, to this day, don't appreciate any academic achievements I have made.  They just are.  It's interesting to see how our parents shaped our view of self in the various responses to this thread.

     

    As for the OP, I think you've been given some good advice. :)



    #14 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 06 December 2017 - 10:26 PM

    Yes I have, I just need to get her attention long enough to have a conversation.  Though she is a busy girl :)



    #15 LittleIlly

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:12 AM

    Taking aside all of the low self-esteem, bad relationships, possible mental abuse, etc - the normal reasons for a woman to not see herself as beautiful, you also have to understand... we literally see the worst parts of ourselves that no guy can really understand.

     

    We are there for the gross moments (periods, cramping, without makeup, in grummy clothes, just woken up, when we are sick, etc), we see oursleves from the worst angles (looking down, through a phone, never in a candid moment, never with light in our eyes when we are speaking passionately, etc) and most importantly - most girls have a comparison issue. With this imaginary "her" that she can possibly one day be, but isn't at this moment. This girl in our head, the figure/person we want to me, more likely than not, it is unattainable. Which makes us see our flaws even more. 

     

    Not to mention the cast aside self-esteem issues, or the words that are etched in our skin from past criticisms or hate-filled comments. And when this woman is a little - all of that is magnified because... well... most littles are more sensitive (not all, I understand). 

     

    They don't say this to seek attention (well... not most of them) or to upset their CGs... but reality is... they don't see what you all are talking about. We don't see the girl you see. We can't see ourselves through your love-filled eyes, we see ourselves through our critical lenses. Sadly.


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    #16 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 10:51 AM

    I asked her this mornings my why she has body self-esteem issues, I.e why she feels the way she does.

    Her response was “I just feel fat”

    She is in no shape or form fat.

    #17 Stinkin'ol'Fred

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 11:19 AM

    Tell her when you look at her you see her love, her brain, her in true form. She has to be able to come to terms with you liking her how she is and accept that she is enough for you or else you'll end being the one constantly reassuring her. Tell her why have a 6-pack when you could have a keg? Tell her that's more cushion for the pushin. Positive reinforcement. Them love handles do come in handy. No one wants to hang onto skin n bone. (Some may but in this case no lol) a lil pudge is cute too. Fat people actual morbidly obese people have more chins than a Hong Kong phone book. If she can't accept herself after that I fear she may need therapy

    #18 MadelynVictoria

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 05:42 PM

    It depends on the girl. Me personally, I can't see myself as pretty, or whatever adjective you can come up with, because I was in a really emotionally and mentally abusive relationship that destroyed my self esteem entirely. Seeing myself as something positive, rather than what my mind makes me see myself as, is extremely difficult to do; and taking compliments from people is even harder, because your mind instantly has you start thinking those people are all lying to you. It's Hell.


    The best advice I can give you, is to keep complimenting your little. I don't mean rain them down on her, but keep giving them. She might disagree with you a lot of the time, but overtime, she just may see herself differently, and start accepting them. I hope things will get better for her and you
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    #19 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:07 PM

    As much as you can have a deep conversation over WhatsApp I think I got my point across to her. I also made sure she knew it wasn’t Daddy talking to her and that I was talking to Big and not Little.

    In the end she does accept what I’m saying as true because of who it is coming from, even if she still feels as though she’s fat and doesn’t look great.

    I do wonder why she keeps wearing skirts if she doesn’t like her appearance, would she not wear frumpy clothing?

    Edited by Volkmane1985, 07 December 2017 - 06:08 PM.


    #20 Wolfycheeks

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:29 PM

    As much as you can have a deep conversation over WhatsApp I think I got my point across to her. I also made sure she knew it wasn’t Daddy talking to her and that I was talking to Big and not Little.

    In the end she does accept what I’m saying as true because of who it is coming from, even if she still feels as though she’s fat and doesn’t look great.

    I do wonder why she keeps wearing skirts if she doesn’t like her appearance, would she not wear frumpy clothing?

     

    I don't know if she really feels that way then, or maybe she's really happy with her legs but dislikes other parts?

     

    This, or she could just be happy with her appearance some days and feel lower other days. Either way, it's good she's wearing clothing she feels comfortable in, maybe people will even like it and comment on it, it might give her a confidence boost!


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