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Body Image and Self-Esteem


Angelicpearl
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Body image is a hard topic to write about but I'm going to give it a shot. From my own perspective. In my experience with body image and self-esteem, I have had a long road. In comparison to others, I'm sure, it may seem like nothing. However, when I was in private school, I used to get bullied for my weight. I wasn't overweight but I wasn't a skinny girl either. In grade 8 I weighed 120lbs at 5'2(ish). I was bullied and called "chubby". I was also bullied for my looks and called "Medusa" and everyone would freeze when I walked in the room, as though I had turned them to stone. Because of the bullying in relation to my weight, I decided that I would stop eating three meals daily along with snacks, and go down to only one or two meals a day, only. I did this for about two years. In those two years, I dropped from a healthy 120lbs the to high 80s to early 90slbs. Regaining that weight that I lost, now, as an "adult" (18), it is hard. Part of the reason that it is harder for me is that I have a very high metabolism as well as I take ADHD meds which suppress my appetite so I don't feel the need to eat. The struggle for me has been long and hard and it caused many other problems along the way, such as depression and anxiety. But, I want everyone who is reading this and who is "ashamed" of their body to know that they are beautiful. Other people's words and opinions don't matter. Don't change yourself for other people. Be happy in your own skin. As the saying goes "those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind". 

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I wish that type of thinking worked on those who weren't bullied about their weight. I've struggled with EDs for 13 years (age 10-now) with little resolution. : /

 

If you ever need someone to talk to about EDs, I'm on often. 

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At fifteen years old, i was diagnosed as type one diabetic. i was very ill, and one symptom is drastic weight loss. No idea how much i got down to, but i was incredibly skinny. Stick thin. Then they got me stabilised in hospital, and once my body was doing what it was supposed to (although artificially with insulin injections), my weight quickly shot up. From one extreme to the other.

At around the same time, i developed disorderded eating (i would not qualify it as an eating disorder, as i am not quite ticking every box that would warrant that diagnosis). But i am obsessed with food.

It has been a very long journey to get myself sorted out. Now i look at myself and mostly love what i see. i have (literally) worked my butt off over the past several years to get to my optimum weight and fitness level. And i have taken it even further by now working in the fitness industry, to help others achieve their goals.

Its tough. If i allowed myself to, i would never stop eating. It's a daily (often hourly) thing to beat this thing that i will no doubt carry with me forever.

But i refuse to allow it to beat me. It will no longer control me, i will do all i can to control IT.

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I have also dealt with an eating disorder since about age 10-11 (so about 20 years). I had the most difficulty during college, with constant weighing myself before meals to decide whether I would eat or not. Weighing myself after working out to see if I needed to keep exercising or not. I was at a good weight right after I had my daughter, and then, I got into a car accident and had to have a few surgeries, which lead to considerable weight gain from inactivity. I’m back at the gym and trying to eat healthy again to lose all that weight... but I’m going through a really difficult time right now where my depression and anxiety is really high. Despite trying to maintain a healthy attitude about myself, it seems like when I’m stressed out, the most easiest thing to “control” is my eating... I really hate that we have all dealt with body image issues. Please know you’re special and not alone despite what your brain might tell you. ❤️
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