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Advice please!!! having issues with daddy


honey_bear2016
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I love my daddy! But he has an actual biological daughter  and as she gets older he loves her more and me less. I knew this would happen but I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard. I am now more or less just a fixture to keep the house clean and have sex with. I knew he wouldn’t love me so much forever but I thought id deal better. I find myself heartbroken and wishing I had some attention and love. I know he cant divide it between both of us and he should pay attention to his real daughter but between my work and school and his work we never have time together and over the years the ddlg part of our relationship has died and he has no problem with it. I find myself crying myself to sleep and drinking to deal with it. I have to sleep on the couch since his daughter doesn’t have to sleep in her bed and I am often left home do take care of all house chores while they go out. The nights we don’t have her he falls asleep at 10 pm ( 1-2)  hours after he gets home and I’m just so lonely and heartbroken and trying to find a way to be little and happy all by myself now that my former daddy is too busy/ has more important things to do then me. How do I keep myself distracted? How do I satisfy my need for love and attention all by myself? How do I accept that I’m a outlier in my husband’s life now? Please offer some advice! Thank you so much!

 

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Guest Georgia-Daddy2
You should tell him how you feel. He needs to learn how to divide his time among his priorities. Next time when they go out try and go with them. Depending on how old his daughter is he can get by with calling both of you his little girls but they definitely have different connotations. It takes more work to put a ddlg relationship and a family together but it is possible. When you explain it to him be sure to insist that his daughter isn't a problem. It's all about how you say it in words that don't sound offensive.
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you can love your child and your mate at the same time, it is or should be a different kind of love. you should tell him how you are feeling.

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Guest infinitecases

I don't think it's necessarily normal for him to lose touch with you just because his daughter is growing up. No one thing is more important than the other, and as his wife, you should be just as important. If he was your Daddy before, he should know how important it if for you to receive some attention/love - have you tried asking him about it and talking it through?

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Sounds to me that your relationship has major issues and you need to communicate how upset and unhappy you are. If you both dont work on improving things you need to move out and on in life. It is affecting you health and welbeing clearly (e.g the drinking).

Three things strike me about what you describe. One why are you being left alone in the home do you have a job? How will you manage if this ends. You need to improve on yourself so that you can move on. And maybe stay with a friend or family for awhile to get back on your feet. I'm generalising here because I dont have all the details so sorry if ive gotten that wrong. But yes, you need to make you happy.

 

Two, the drinking. Its a slippy slope and as much as it is to do with your unhappiness that isnt his or his daughters fault. You put it to your lips every night and you need to talk to someone before it gets worse. Believe me Ive seen enough people become addicts due to their 'situations' and its a path you need to nip in the bud now. Get as much support as you can for this.

 

And three, a parent can love his child and partner. It seems you are putting all you upset on to her and that isnt fair. This is an issue between two adults and their relationship issues. Even if he does chose her over you sometimes (I'm a parent I will choose my son over any man at a heartbeat) you cant say that is the whole reason a relationship is breaking down. Ther are other issues here that you two adults need to address. Not sure how old the child involved is but you dont mention what your relationship is like with her.

 

I feel for you alot because its always hard being involved with a parent and their child. But you have to relaise you can do alot about your own situation. So communicate, change and if he still makes you unhappy leave.

 

But on a side note having a kid involved in a unhappy home is not good. You all deserve to be happy but in this case you all have to do what is best for the child. Either make some changes or you break up. I really hope you get to have a decent chat with him and he listens to what you have to say.

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I know this is not his childs fault at all and I have a great personal relationship with her and actually do most of her care takin as far as up keep ( packing lunch help with fixing toys  dressing her and anything organizational) I try to talk to my partner about it and he insists that nothing has changed and  wont talk further.

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I think in that case, maybe it is best you leave. You have to do what is best for you. And the upset you are having to deal with and a partner who wont talk about it means it will just continue.

 

You deserve more happiness, not to have to drink to cope with the sadness and the child is caught in between.

Is that something you can do, leave?

Maybe he will actually wake up and realise what he's missing then.

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Guest pacibrat

You have to sleep on the couch because his daughter doesn't have to sleep in her own bed????  No, just no. That child needs the structure of sleeping in her own bed and you shouldn't be kicked out of the bed for his child.  That's very disrespectful to you and I don't know what it's teaching the child about adult relationships, but it isn't good.  He leaves you at home to cook and clean while they go out?  He won't listen to your needs when you talk to him?  It sounds like this relationship has probably run it's course.  Sometimes, we have to think of ourselves.  You have a right to be happy!  You don't have to settle for crumbs when your partner is taking you for granted.  I mean, you cry yourself to sleep!  That's no way to live.

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So I'm assuming that you love with your partner and your involvement with the child makes you similar to a step parent.

 

I can just about promise you that he doesn't love you less because of her. Have you considered other factors? Maybe your honeymoon stage is over. Its just not as w,citing as it used to be. He's comfortable and doesn't see a problem with the way things are.

 

Lots of people in this dynamic and other dynamics deal with having kids/partners with kids and other doesn't effect them at all.

 

Sounds like your just unhappy and unfulfilled and afraid to talk seriously with him.

 

As for sleeping on the couch? Just say no. If his daughter wants to sleep with her dad then fine, that happens sometimes, especially with kids from split parents, they can curl up in her bed.

 

Have a serious talk with your partner. Tell him how you feel. There's something other than his daughter getting between the two of you. Heck maybe the relationship has just run its course and he's not interested but afraid to tell you.

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Sorry, but the issue is with him, not you. To put it simply, i have three kids, not one, and i have a very involved career, plus a home to maintain and bills to pay. Doesn't take anything away from me giving my Daddy tons of love, affection and attention every single day.

He's making excuses.

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I may be the only one thinking this... but I see a giant red flag here... And guys, please don't hate me for this... but from just what little has been said, I feel the need to ask the following:

 

How involved was your husband into DDlg? Did you show him the lifestyle? Did he want it 24/7? Was he meh about it? Did he like age play? Did he have a preference of your little age (some CGs do)?

 

How old is his daughter? How old was his daughter when this shift happened?

 

Just how close has he gotten with his daughter? Are you saying they sleep in the same bed every night she is there?

 

Um... I hate to say it... but maybe his "Daddy" role is being fulfilled with his daughter (and I hope, in a healthy and correct way). Best case, this is probably why he doesn't see a change; he is still Daddy and his little girl is now his biological daughter. The typical Daddy/daughter (biological relationship) dynamic has sated his need for him being a Daddy.

 

Worst case... I'd seriously analyze his relationship with his daughter. To completely drop ALL interest in his wife for his daughter... it could be a warning sign.

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i totally get why you would think that but most of the reason she sleeps in our bed is because he cant control her. though he loves her he is kind of a bad parent. he offers no discipline or correction and if she doesn't get her way she will scream for hours and legit break things. i helped raise 6 of my nephew's and try to help but constantly fear repercussion from his ex ( she got pregnant without discussing it with him on purpose and he left her because he had told her he didn't want kids and the relationship was falling apart anyway) as a result she is very mad at him and is very quick to call cps or make life miserable for him and me as well as  constantly trying to find a reason to make sure i legally cant be around the kid. so though he loves her, her presence pretty much drains him and he has stopped fighting it. since she has tantrums every hour or so he cant pay any attention to me and is exhausted after only a few hours with her.  i honestly think he's having a hard time between the stress of his ex, child, and job. I try to help him by supporting him and making sure he never has any extra responsibilities. i really don't want to be selfish and make it about me. i just am NOT good at lack of attention lol. and as a response to all questions we found ddlg together and have been married for 4 years. he was always crazy enthuastic about it at times more than me. i just know as time goes on this will only get worse before it gets better and struggle with a solution!

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i think he likes ddlg because he needs an outlet to show his love and desires a parent/child like relationship but knows he doesn't have the patience or ability to put aside his wants in the way that it takes to have an actual child. he wants the fun parts like making someone happy and taking care of them but have it be mostly the good parts and the ability to still live his life exactly how he wants it. i love the man more than anything but he is honestly too selfish to have kids ( he knows and admits to this and has known this long before his child was born) ddlg works because we both already have full lives and the ddlg is a great cherry on top in the evening and when we need a recharge. he doesn't want the tantrums or the inability to go do stuff at 3 am. it frustrates the hell out of him.

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