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Introductions / Seeking advice


DaddyJareBear
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Hi all, this is my first post here, so I figure I'd throw out an introduction, and simultaneously ask my fellow Daddys/Mommys a question. But first...

I am new to this scene. I'm still fairly new to BDSM, though I'm "well read" in that regard. I began my current "relationship" (more on that in a minute) with the mindset that I'd get to explore and develop my Dom like natures, but come to find out that my little princess was, well, a lil princess. While I enjoy the dominant nature of a Dom/sub relationship, I found the nurturing and caring aspects of the Ddlg lifestyle to fit more with my personality. So I went from "Sir" to "Daddy" and I couldn't be happier in that regard. It's been a little bit of an adjustment to the conventions I was accustomed to, but I find it to be more in line with me as a person, and not this polarizing personality from my normal, day-to-day personality. So hello everyone! 

Now my current little and I were in an "official" relationship for a few months, but due to her chaotic emotional state (she unfortunately suffers from bi-polar disorder, and can suffer serious depressive episodes) she felt it was unfair to be in a relationship of the traditional monogamous bent, and that she couldn't provide for me the emotional support one may expect in a traditional relationship. However, we have recently been seeing each other again, albeit much more casually, with a larger focus on the Daddy / little dynamic and platonic relationship one would expect in a "friends with benefits" kind of situation. That's all fair and good.

My question is, due to her depressive states, she can isolate herself and I find she doesn't get into "little space" as often as she does when she's feeling better. My current strategy is to "meet her where she's at". As in, if she's not texting or visiting, and is more of the person I know outside of the Dd/lg relationship, I treat her as such. She's a friend I occasionally talk to, hang out with, and see on the rare occasion. However, when she's back to feeling more like her little self, I return to being Daddy and things go as you'd expect. The thing is, she still holds onto a few of the "rules" I set for her, such as letting me know if she's going to be doing drugs, or where she's going to be, and she sends me pictures daily (not necessarily selfies, just things that mean something to her). But occasionally she slips up, and I find myself asking if I should be "punishing" her for breaking the rules, or if I should just let her do what she can, and understand that she's feeling super depressed and she's giving me what she can given her current state. 

I understand that ultimately, I just need to talk things out with her when we actually do see each other, but Im worried that by pausing our respective roles, I'm losing "Daddy points" by letting things slide while she's dealing with real world issues. Any and all suggestions, insights, and ideas are welcome. And thanks again!

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Good question and a difficult situation.

 

I'm more on the side of being little myself but my first thought was that you should talk about your concerns with her. Without pressure. Just tell her how you feel and that you are wondering what would be best for her. We can all speculate but in the end you'll simply need to communicate.

 

Good luck.

I hope you get some more helpful answers.

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Guest pacibrat

I'm a little, but I'm gonna answer! :D I feel that you shouldn't be punishing her.  It sounds like she's really struggling. :(  I think that you answered your own question when you said: I should just let her do what she can, and understand that she's feeling super depressed and she's giving me what she can given her current state. 

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I understand that ultimately, I just need to talk things out with her when we actually do see each other, but Im worried that by pausing our respective roles, I'm losing "Daddy points" by letting things slide while she's dealing with real world issues. Any and all suggestions, insights, and ideas are welcome. And thanks again!

First of all welcome to the forums!

I think the most important part of your post is this here. Pausing the dynamic is not bad at all, in fact it’s one of the best things you can do! You need to talk with her as an equal in order to communicate properly. Relieving stress thought littlespace is one thing, but ignoring real life problems by running away from them though it can be dangerous. Being a little does NOT give any of us the right to avoid confrontation or communicating with our partner or others. At the end of the day she’s still an adult that’s you should be comfortable talking with and hearing opinions from.

 

I don’t mean to sound insensitive because of her mental health, as I know that is a real issue that should be addressed, but I don’t think that avoiding communication is the best way to help her. How else are you supposed to know her likes and dislikes? How are you supposed to understand her? How are you supposed to know how to change your behavior if you do something she’s doesn’t like or isn’t comfortable with? (This is all visa-versa as well)

 

I’ve heard it called “porch time” before, as this couple went on their porch to discuss it. Maybe you could do something similar, to have a specific place or time when you stop the dynamic to speak as adults about your feelings and questions you may have. Communication is vital, regardles of anything that may make the path more difficult.

 

Have a great day, and good luck!

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I appreciate all the feedback. I've taken time to pause the dynamic for the time being, and though we haven't been able to speak as much as I'd like, I am opening channels for her to speak to me as equals. So thank you everyone for the insight and great advice. :D

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