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My Current Predicament


UnknownInc.
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So here is my current predicament... me and my girlfriend both got into ddlg near the start of our relationship a month or so ago. We toyed around with just calling each other different names then we started to get a little more serious with it. We created rules (only touching herself upon permission, I assign which panties she wears, etc etc) and punishments and rewards. Well, in there we were caught doing certain things (calling each other Princess/Daddy, sending nudes, all the good stuff). All of it had been causing her a bit of stress, combined with school, and she eventually reached a breaking point. Which was yesterday, she said "That's it, I've had enough. No more kinks, no more lust, no more pictures. None of it. This is causing me too much stress and anxiety and humiliation. I just can't do this anymore." Ddlg was really a big part of our relationship and this was a hard hit for me. She's stopped calling me Daddy, and I've stopped calling her princess/little girl/kitten out of respect for her decision. We both liked Ddlg a lot but I can't tell if it was just a stressed, spur of the moment decision and if she'll want everything back within the next few days/week or if she's serious that it's not going to happen again. We both love each other a lot, ddlg or not, but we both liked it so much and I miss it already. Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do/if and how I can reintroduce it into the relationship?
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To me, it sounds like everything moved extremely fast. If you both were just introduced to DDLG around a month ago, and you already have rules and punishments and are sending nudes... I dunno, man. If I was her, I'd be stressed out, too. Her saying that it's causing her "stress, anxiety, and humiliation" is a big red flag to me, because DDLG in essence should be the opposite of that. People use it as a way to de-stress, a way to relax and enjoy life and each other. If it's causing her to be humiliated I think you need to discuss why she was feeling humiliated.

 

If you don't ask her why these feelings came about, why she felt that way, what actions were done to cause her that pain, you'll never know how to fix it. If you do decide to ever reintroduce it, you'll have the same issue anyways. You need to talk with her why she felt the way she did, and what you want to change.

 

If I, an internet stranger, had to guess, there are several things that could be the issue. 1. maybe you jumped into it too fast 2. maybe you didn't do enough research beforehand 3. maybe school is just pushing her over the edge 4. maybe it's all of these answers and more.

 

All in all, talk to her about it. Don't try to beat around the bush, ask her what made her feel that way and why it made her feel that way. If she says "I don't like nicknames" you'll never get to the heart of the problem. If she says "I don't like feeling like I'm worth less than you, I see us as equals", it's a good conversation and you have somewhere to start fixing the issue. Don't push it if she doesn't want to, though.

 

DDLG is very trust-based. I can't personally imagine feeling like I trust someone enough within a month or two of dating them with such an intimate part of myself. If you don't have complete and absolute trust in each other, you're going to feel unfulfilled--whether you're in a DDLG relationship or not. Maybe work on those things before introducing a dynamic.

 

Good luck!

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There are a few un-known factors that brought her to the breaking point. What ever happens in a relationship has to be mutual. It sounds like you and her need to have a heart to heart chat about her decision. You need to understand what is going on in her heart. Remember that her feelings are her feelings. I understand your feelings also. One thing you need to realize is that she tried a 'DDLG' relationship and found out that it was not for her. Also you need to also know that there may be some differences between you and her that may end the relationship. I would go into the conversation with her with an open mind.

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There are a few un-known factors that brought her to the breaking point. What ever happens in a relationship has to be mutual. It sounds like you and her need to have a heart to heart chat about her decision. You need to understand what is going on in her heart. Remember that her feelings are her feelings. I understand your feelings also. One thing you need to realize is that she tried a 'DDLG' relationship and found out that it was not for her. Also you need to also know that there may be some differences between you and her that may end the relationship. I would go into the conversation with her with an open mind.

 

I had asked/said "You never wanted this/it in the first place" (yesterday) and she replied that she did but the stress and humiliation was too much... I guess I've got what I wanted now, I need a heart to heart with her about what she got so stressed/humiliated about, hopefully she will be considerate and talk with me about it.

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Just remember to be kind and gentle with out any judgement. And be respectful with what ever feelings she opens up to you about. I have had things change in relationships that hurt my feelings and learned to accept those changes as the space my partner was in now.

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Guest Sillylittlemouse
It sounds like it was all rushed and if you do want a relationship again go slow next time. Maybe start off with a sfw relationship.. do the sweet things.. such as reading to her and so on. I do not know how new you are to ddlg but not all littles are sexual in their little space. If you get a chance to chat just ask her what she would like. A slow pace is probably best. (:
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Guest Mister Grey

You guys got caught by her parents.  I am not sure that you even need to ask questions really.

 

I can assume you guys are young.  I can’t imagine the conversation that she had to have with her parents.

 

Kinks are about us, its personal, and while we may not be ashamed about the truth we find in ourselves, it does not mean we are interested or willing to share that with everyone at large, especially our parents and especially not on our own terms

 

Me personally, I would not be talking about it with her at all, no matter how much I might want it for myself, if I loved her, I would give her all the time she needs to settle within herself.  Obviously the subject is there, you were both there, so I believe when she has had time to recover she will broach the subject herself.

 

 

If I had to say anything at all, I would simply tell her, that I enjoyed that part of our relationship, but that I understand that she needs some time, but that when she was up to it, I would appreciate having a discussion about it, and leave it at that.

 

Good luck

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