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Never Say Never Kiss a Zombie Princess


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(Author's Note: This is a sequel to Never Kiss a Zombie Princess. This was written especially for the Zomba fans who really wanted her to get a happy ending.  - Dean)


Never Say Never Kiss a Zombie Princess 
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.
“Wait. This seems familiar.”
It’s just the opening sentence.
“Have you told me this one before?”
Not exactly.
“Not exactly? So, you have told me this one. I prefer original material.”
I know you do and I haven’t told you this one. Not exactly.
“Is this what torture is like?”
Not exactly. 
“I think it is. You are doing this so I stop interrupting and let you tell the story.”
“Fine. I’ll stop. This better be good.”
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.
“You already said that. That was the last interruption.”
On her eighteenth birthday, an angry scientist injected her with a zombie retrovirus and turned her into a zombie.
“Zomba? This is about Zomba? Is she getting rescued? Is she getting a happy ending? Zomba!”
Yes. It’s Zomba.
“Zomba! I’m gonna squeal!”
Don’t squeal.
“Have to. Can’t stop. Squeal incoming.”
Fine. Go ahead.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Need to breathe. EEEEEEEEEEEEE. #neverforgetzomba”
Where did you hear that?
“I get around. It’s a movement.”
Anyway. Time passed. She slept. There was a prince who didn’t last long.
“The first of many dead princes.”
“Well, he was. You have a problem with Prince Charmings. Maybe, you should talk to someone about that.”
I will take that under advisement.
“I know what that means. Not going to happen.”
Should I continue?
“Oh, yes. Do go on.”
There was also a princess that decided not to kill the zombie princess.
“Princess Awe Some! Why are you telling me this? I already know.”
This is the previously... part.
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just tell them to read Never Kiss a Zombie Princess first? Those previously... things always leave out the  best parts.”
Probably. But the previously.. is done now and we can continue with the story.
“I should have popcorn for this story.”
You aren’t having popcorn. You’re already in bed.
“The popcorn doesn’t mind.”
Not happening.
“Fine. Just all that squealing makes a person hungry. What’s happening to Zomba?”
Zomba was bored. After the Princess Some left, she couldn’t sleep. And, there was no one to talk to because everyone around her were twice dead zombies.
“How long ago did Some leave?”
About an hour.
“An hour? An hour! All this time waiting for Zomba to get a happy ending and it’s only been an hour?”
Time is relative in fiction.
“I need to have a talk with Einstein.”
You do that. Zomba left her room and went down the stairs. She went down more stairs and more stairs and still more stairs.
“That’s a lot of stairs.”
Eventually, she reached the dungeon.
“There’s a dungeon?”
Of course, it’s a castle.
“Seems like a good place to put a certain angry scientist.”
It does. She walked through the dungeon to a secret door that wasn’t a secret to her and down a tunnel, leaving the castle.
“Stop. She could have left at any time?”
“Why did she stay if she could leave?”
She was tired from biting all those people.
“That makes sense. Then what?”
Zomba walked into town. There were people everywhere. None were zombies.
Exactly. Zomba was surprised. Everyone was wearing ragged clothes and looked like they needed some food, but they weren’t zombies. Before running away, a woman yelled to Zomba to go see the Great Amazing Most Intelligent Of Intellectuals Scientist.
“Really? That guy? I guess he isn’t angry anymore.”
I guess not. Zomba walked past a lot of run down houses and running people before arriving at a beautiful mansion.
“Now we know why he isn’t angry anymore.”
Zomba knocked loudly on the door. The no longer angry scientist opened the door and started asking what the Great Amazing, etc. Scientist could do for her when he saw who it was and stopped mid-Intelligent. He tried to slam the door but Zomba was already through it, picked the scientist up, and slammed him against the wall. Zomba suddenly realized how hungry she was. 
“Is she going to eat his brains?”
She was just about to bite into his skull when he told her that he had a cure.
“Yes! A cure.”
He made Zomba promise that, if he gave her the cure, she would let him go. She agreed.
“No. He has to be punished for what he did. I’m going to be upset if he gets away with it. What kind of example is that for me?”
Is the story over?
“No. Is he secretly a prince?”
“That sucks.”
Why do you want him to be a prince?
“If he was, he wouldn’t get out of the story alive.”
I really need to stop killing princes. So, the scientist gave Zomba the cure. Zomba put the cure on the scientist’s desk, walked up to the scientist, and ate his brains.
“Yay! I mean, what? She lied to him?”
He was lying to himself. The Great Amazing Most Intelligent Of Intellectuals Scientist? Ego much. Also, while he was getting the cure, Zomba noticed the invitation to her birthday on his desk.
“He wasn’t angry. He was evil. He planned it all. He pretended to not get the invitation so he had an excuse to be angry and inject the zombie stuff in the princess and he already had the cure which he sold to all the zombies in town for everything they had, making them poor and him rich.”
Exactly. You’re good.
“I tried. Does she take the cure?”
Zomba took the cure and a nice long shower. She found some new clothes to wear and went back outside. The people looked at her but didn’t run away. Suddenly, Zomba realized something very important. She had never been kissed.
“It’s about to get good.”
It wasn’t good before?
“It was! Get to the kissing already.”
Zomba went up to the man closest to her and kissed him. When his wife complained, Zomba kissed her too. Zomba went all through the town kissing every adult she could find.
“Zomba gets her happy ending!”
Unfortunately, Zomba still had the zombie retrovirus in her system and everyone she kissed became a zombie.
“No! You can’t do that! Zomba gets a happy ending!”
She does. That isn’t what happened. Zomba kept kissing people until she kissed this one guy who really enjoyed it and kissed her back.
“You go, Zomba.”
Zomba realized that there were other things besides kissing she hadn’t done. She grabbed the guy by his hand and dragged him towards a nearby barn. There was a girl standing in front of the barn, so Zomba grabbed her, too, and pulled both of them into the barn.
“Why are they going in the barn?”
I thought you wanted Zomba to get a happy ending?
“I do. How is this giving..... Oh. A happy ending. Zomba is getting all the happy endings.”
Yes, she is.
“#neverforgetzomba complete.”
Anything else besides popcorn?
“You didn’t kill a prince.”
Killed a scientist.
“Not the same. Wasn’t this supposed to be Frankenstein?”
Next time. 
“Okay. I still want popcorn.”


Still not happening.
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