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Is it ok for the dom to be vulnerable sometimes?


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I was just wondering if that was ok, I try not to be in my relationship, but sometimes its just been a really bad day or something happened that really upset me and I just break. I don't want to, and when I do I feel like I failed as a daddy dom. My little tells me its ok, but I just feel bad about it. What do you guys think?
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You're a human right?

 

Dom doesn't mean you aren't human anymore. It doesn't mean you don't have feelings or your feelings are now invalided.

 

You're a person, you have feelings. your allowed to have a bad day, your allowed to have a day to yourself, you can have a day of being depressed, a sad day, a sick day, a happy day, a honry day.  

 

Your human.  You have thoughts, feelings and different experiences. Your mental health and physical health is also important. 

 

Also yes, your little is right. Its okay. 

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You're a human right?

 

Dom doesn't mean you aren't human anymore. It doesn't mean you don't have feelings or your feelings are now invalided.

 

You're a person, you have feelings. your allowed to have a bad day, your allowed to have a day to yourself, you can have a day of being depressed, a sad day, a sick day, a happy day, a honry day.  

 

Your human.  You have thoughts, feelings and different experiences. Your mental health and physical health is also important. 

 

Also yes, your little is right. Its okay.

 

Thanks Sae I just feel like I'm not taking care of my littles needs first and it makes me sad. But I understand what your saying, its right for me to have days like that. Thanks

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Thanks Sae I just feel like I'm not taking care of my littles needs first and it makes me sad. But I understand what your saying, its right for me to have days like that. Thanks

Whenever my Daddy has a "not okay day", I love looking after him, it makes me upset that he is upset, but he needs someone to care for him just as much as I do. I love making him tea and letting him have my stuffie all to himself  to hug for a few nights. It's kind of nice to know that Daddies aren't always big tough super heros, because it gives me a chance to be my Daddy's super hero. (▰˘◡˘▰)

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sure it is. sometimes Daddys need hugs too. Doms of all kinds can feel vulnerable and have their hearts broken. They're doms, not heartless

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Your relationship with your little should be to mutually care for one another (even if it's in diverse ways!) You need to take "you" time, too, to get better, to rest, etc.! You are a person and you have that right. It doesn't make you 'bad' or mean you're a bad dom at all! Littles/Middles want their caregivers to be healthy and happy and supported, so don't be afraid to take some alone time, and even talk to your little about it if you need/want. : )

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Thanks babygirl12 and TinyItalian ^-^ I feel better about sharing stuff with my little now and it seems to go well
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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest MrKuma

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable or showing weakness in anyway. I myself have/had a history of not expressing my feelings when i felt bad or just shove it in the closet and hope it goes away only for that closet to fill up and spill out in a messy way.  As someone who learned that the heard way by making mistakes and involuntarily closing themselves up, I really can say, it's fine to depend on someone else even if you are usually the one that cares for them. More importantly, your little should definitely be someone you can rely and open up too, I am sure any little would gladly jump on the opportunity to help their big/daddy out and give them some extra love.

 

While Daddy's do tend to be quite strong and super-hero-esque in the eyes of our littles, in the end even heroes need support or a hero too yeh?

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No. It is not okay for a daddy to show weakness or emotions beyond dominance. After all, that's a daddy's job to be 100% unbreakable 24/7/365. Heaven forbid you ever need to be comforted by your little! Never EVER should you cry! Can you believe some wear diapers as a daddy? (GASP!)

 

Okay, all joking aside, of course it's alright for the dom to be vulnerable! Like what everyone has already stated above, we're human too, and being a daddy/dom is not some strict, militaristic role where you should drown out any feelings that make you feel "weak". Do NOT worry about having bad days, or going through hard times where you break down. It's normal, and if anything, would make your little view you as more sensitive and sweet :)

 

Of course there's going to be those "purists" who think that daddies should only have one role and never break away from the dom attitude ever, but it's just not realistic or normal, frankly. Embrace your emotions, and both you and your little will feel happier long term :)

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  • 5 years later...

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable or showing weakness in anyway. I myself have/had a history of not expressing my feelings when i felt bad or just shove it in the closet and hope it goes away only for that closet to fill up and spill out in a messy way. As someone who learned that the heard way by making mistakes and involuntarily closing themselves up, I really can say, it's fine to depend on someone else even if you are usually the one that cares for them. More importantly, your little should definitely be someone you can rely and open up too, I am sure any little would gladly jump on the opportunity to help their big/daddy out and give them some extra love.

 

While Daddy's do tend to be quite strong and super-hero-esque in the eyes of our littles, in the end even heroes need support or a hero too yeh?

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Spoken like a real person and great Daddy. I left my first Daddy because he would NOT let me in. It is a gift to be vulnerable...trusting, honesty that honors both big and small. No matter the lifestyle or not. Love is the only thing that matters
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You are anything but a failure! You are human like mentioned before me! You have up and down days and really I agree with Susie! You are speaking like a true dom! Everyone is allowed a day to be vulnerable and need to have days where they feel special and need to be treated! I have seen all to often of Doms feeling like they can’t be express how they are down and it saddens me to see so many Doms beat themselves up over being human! To add onto it there is a thing called a “Dom Drop.” It happens to everyone at some point so know that your own wellbeing is just as important! You are doing great! Edited by CatboyAdrian
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For me I have to be vulnerable in a different way. I am a wheelchair bound single father that has to wear hearing aids and extra thick glasses. So I often find that I have to ask my littles for help. This is a challenge for me because i also tend to feel like a failure. I think that emotional vulnerablity is the same as my physical vulnerablity in that it is in no way my fault or my wish to be vulnerable it just happens to be that way and I cannot control it. It's human and it doesn't make me or you any less of a daddy dom. It actually makes us even stronger as daddies because we still have to power to be dominant over our littles even when they know how vulnerable we are sometimes.
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There is nothing wrong with having a rough day, and when arriving home having your little comfort you and giving you some love that you need. Being a CG/DD doesnt automatically meanwe don't feel any bad or sad emotions. We are humans, and as humans we can have those, and it's good to have those, because I'm pretty sure your little would love to take care of his/her CG!

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I'll comment , so that Aetherr's energy doesen't go to waste. 

 

Listen , we all have a bad day. If you don't express your emotions and keep it bottled up for the sake of your partner, he/she will pick up on it regardless. The only difference is that he/she will blame himself/herself  for your "mood", because you aren't being open and vulnerable about it. If anything , you being open and vulnerable with your partner will push the relationship in the right direction.

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Not is it only ok, it's actually really important. Nobody can be strong all the time, nor should anyone feel that they have to be. Personally, if my Daddy didn't let me in and let me be there for Him when he has rough days our relationship just wouldn't work. Vulnerability is a sign of trust and without trust . . . Well, it isn't really much if a relationship, is it.
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To me, it's almost dangerous not to be vulnerable when in a relationship. If you can't both be honest, open, and vulnerable, then do you really care about each other?

 

I think that some people think that doms must be dominant 24/7. Or even more dangerous, cold and withdrawn to their sub. That's fine if it's solely an occasional sexual or kink fulfillment, but definitely not in a serious relationship.

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Guest Daddydesistyle1
It’s ok to be vulnerable but it all depends on the couple. If you are the caregiver and if your little depends on you for her mental, emotional helth, then it is really hard. She might just feel more weaker then she already is, a good unspoken understanding is very important (reading body language)
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  • 1 year later...

As a Daddy for many years now, I feel its not only appropriate, its needed! Without such vulnerabilities, how can your little see how deep your levels of emotions go. Our littles need to know that Daddy can understand what feelings and emotions are. If our little sees that we have the ability to be vulnerable in front of them, our littles will in turn feel the loving care Daddy gives and will be vulnerable with Daddy. 

 

Having a little is more that just setting rules and punishing when those rules are not followed. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

If my Sir was not vulnerable with me I would not be able to submit to Him at all. Likewise if a submissive of mine was unable to handle me being vulnerable with them I'd consider us entirely incompatible for a relationship. Big/little relationships are just that, relationships, and so carry all the other things with them, communication, teamwork, vulnerability, etc.

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All humans are allowed to be vulnerable regardless of roles, lifestyles, or anything else that influences their lives. This is not something that is prohibited to those who are Dominant in nature, and is not gatekept by submissives. If a submissive gives their Dominant issues over being vulnerable then that submissive is a toxic person. Submissives should encourage their Dominants to be just as vulnerable as they are. You can't truly get to know someone unless they are vulnerable and open with you. It makes any kind of relationship so much deeper and helps build trust. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't vulnerable with me.

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