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advice about D/s


Guest Rainbow
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Guest Rainbow

Since D/s commonly finds its way intertwined with DDlg, I hope this question fits here.

 

I was wondering if any other littles/middles/subs have experienced this. You want to submit to your big/Dom, and be ready for them to take you whenever they want you. But sometimes you're not up for it? Does this mean the sub isn't really a true sub? Should you just take it anyway? Should there be a signal? What do you guys do if this happens to you? I want to be the best little/sub I can be!

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Since D/s commonly finds its way intertwined with DDlg, I hope this question fits here.

 

I was wondering if any other littles/middles/subs have experienced this. You want to submit to your big/Dom, and be ready for them to take you whenever they want you. But sometimes you're not up for it? Does this mean the sub isn't really a true sub? Should you just take it anyway? Should there be a signal? What do you guys do if this happens to you? I want to be the best little/sub I can be!

 

Ultimately the sub is really the one in control. The Dom shouldn't ever do something that the sub doesn't already want to do to begin with, or something that wasn't already agreed upon. You should have a safeword for situations like that so it's absolutely 100% clear when something needs to stop. If any Dom tries to make you feel like a bad sub for not doing something you don't want to do, then that person is manipulative and doesn't truly understand the safe way to practice any D/s dynamic. If they believe such behavior is acceptable, then they are not educated on what it means to be a true Dom.

 

Also, I moved this to the DDLG board since i felt it fits there better than the little space one.

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Guest Rainbow

Thank you for the reply and moving the thread to the appropriate spot :)

 

I know as the sub I'm in control, and I'm not being manipulated. I guess I just wonder if any lifestyle sub has gone through the awkward moment of the Dom wanting some, and the sub says "not tonight hunny" kinda thing? Gah I'm so awkward at asking for advice >.<

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Pouty Kitten

I don't think it means that the sub isn't a true sub for not wanting any at the moment. We're all human beings and sometimes it's ok to not be in the mood. 

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Guest QueenJellybean
Does this mean the sub isn't really a true sub? 

 

 

Not at all. There is no such thing as a "true sub". It can be hard to learn that, but the faster you do, the happier you'll be! What works for some people might be hard limits for others. It's just the way the world works! 

 

Should you just take it anyway? Should there be a signal?  

 

 

Some people might say here that this is what a safeword is for. However, I would recommend saving your safeword for situations that you have a difficult time processing where you need everything to stop and just communicate. Nothing happens naturally and easily at first, things take work. Like PrincessTori said above sex is draining! Emotionally and physically! Talk to one another. Tell your Dominant before he begins that what he's thinking of doing isn't something you think you're up for right now. Be honest. If a signal makes you feel comfortable, use that. 

 

 

Sometimes, I'm totally okay (and even asking for!) Daddy to be rough with me and take me from behind. Sometimes when we go to bed at night, I just want to cuddle and sleep because it's been a long day. We're human beings. We have needs that don't involve sex or control sometimes. The most beautiful parts of D/s are when you aren't in a scene and you can still feel that longing in your chest. The roles (for many people) don't change simply because you aren't in the mood to do all the things you are 'expected' to do. You are still his good little sub even when you are reading a book, falling asleep early, eating dinner. You don't have to be on your hands and knees, bound in a cage at all times to be happy. That's just impractical! 

 

TLDR; You are just fine. I think it's totally natural to not want to do stuff every moment of every day. Talk to your Dominant. Communicate. This is totally normal, buttercup. <3 

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DD/lg is at it's core, a D/s dynamic. So more often that not it is Daddy Dom and His little/sub however this is not always the case and Y/you need to find a happy medium that works for Y/you both. i am foremost my DD's sub and i will do whatever is asked of me (within limits) and i will do whatever i can to please Him. However, Dadda always takes into account what headspace i am it at the time and will adjust playtime accordingly. i can take alot more pain when i am in a "big" headspace than what i can if i am feeling vulnerable or such.

 

i suggest sitting down and chatting about what you are comfortable with within a certain headspace and go from there.

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